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I’ve been exploring the idea that initial, uncontrollable emotional responses or impulses (stoicism calls this
) are possibly, in part or in whole, explainable as a result of unmet expectations. By identifying the source or cause of uncontrollable emotional impulses we can recognize them and regain control in order to act deliberately and with forethought, even in a stressful situation.
As humans, we should take responsibility for our actions and strive to act deliberately and with forethought in all things that we do. Practically, this is impossible, but in conditioning ourselves to behave rationally, we can increase our chances of more quickly regaining control. Even when we are in high stress situations, there is a better chance of remaining in control avoiding mistakes made in poor judgement.
When you are overcome with emotion, rational thought is more difficult. Aside from being caught in an unhelpful emotional quagmire, a skilled individual can leverage your emotional state to manipulate you into making a choice that you would not make on your own. This isn’t just for negative emotions but positive emotions as well. Heinrichs relayed such a scenario in his introduction to
. He was providing it as an example where someone manipulated him into purchasing a defective vehicle and he found the experience pleasurable, but the
still stands.
Emotional responses can be overwhelming, but through practice we can break out of the obsessive, reactive thought processes that limits our perspective and reduces our thinking to too narrow a scope. The first step is to realize it’s happening, then there are several strategies, but they mostly hinge on being able to recognize the situation and step back long enough to regain control. I recall that there was a large section of
devoted to a topic called detachment which outlined a process of identifying and breaking this cycle. Unfortunately I didn’t have as much perspective when I was reading it and I don’t have any notes to reference.
Recently I caught a
Âą that touches on some helpful definitions. The episode mentions the topic of positive and negative emotion. It does not distinguish between the initial impulse or feelings over time, but it does provide concise definitions. Positive emotions are the result of when you perceive yourself to be moving towards a valued goal. Negative emotions are the result of when you perceive yourself to be moving away from a valued goal.
What are goals if not expectations? Or at least, there is an inherent expectation surrounding every goal, there is an expectations that the goal will be achieved. So emotion deals directly with the perceived realization of a goal or expectation. Perhaps my definition is too loose, but it seems to me that it does fit.
Jordan’s definitions are fairly close to describing a state of expectation. If the expectation is that you obtain your valued goal, then positive emotion is the (at least partial) realization of an expectation and negative emotion is the result of perceiving an unmet expectation. This isn’t very helpful yet, but it’s easy to fit some basic negative emotions to this paradigm.
I don’t mean to play fast and loose with expectations. It’s not enough to be able to describe where expectations exist, in hindsight it seems easy to describe where an expectation might exist, but is it the central cause? I also do not intend to reframe the problem with new definitions for old terms in order to make the solution fit the stated problem.
How does the perception of control fit into the perception of expectations? The stoics would say too much time is spent worrying over elements that our out of our control. I would say that the unmet expectation of control over many situations leads to negative emotion.
What’s the point? To remain in control of ourselves requires the mental flexibility to pause and consider viewpoints outside of our own or to see events from a more abstract view or a bigger picture. Our initial impulses may be an uncontrollable emotional response, but our continued actions should be within our control. Sometimes the emotions are too strong and take longer to resolve. If an initial emotional response is too powerful, it renders us powerless to do anything but react to that emotion. There are some non obvious ways that this can be harmful or lead to undesired outcomes. At the very least, it hinders our ability to act with forethought. At the very worst, we surrender control of our faculties or act in ways that we would not if we could otherwise act with forethought.
I’m still struggling to clearly define the problem and its terms, but I suspect the answer ultimately has to do with entitlement, expectation, and control.
I should have prefixed that note link with a bit of a disclaimer. I find some of Jordan Peterson’s content to be interesting, but his episodes are too long to watch and take notes on. Too much content is covered, too much focus is required to follow it, and I’m apparently lazy in the sense of actual indolence. Due to the density of the material, I find myself often directly quoting or directly using the same or similar wording, but it will not be clear, at all, in these notes when something is a quote. Do not consider the content of the linked note to be plagiarism, rather consider it to just be hastily taken, raw notes. Typically it’s bad form to take a note without performing some form of rephrasing because the information wont be internalized. But this is a raw note, and the purpose is to capture content for the purpose of further study in order to create those revised notes where I can internalize it or draw conclusions or decide there might be something to learn from it. So keep that in mind when viewing those notes.
Jealousy - the expectation is that the first party would receive some sort of attention, but instead some other party does.
Feeling undervalued - the expectation is that the accomplishments of the first party should result in some form of acknowledgement by another party, and when that expectation is not met, the first party feels undervalued or unappreciated.
Feeling offended - the expectation that a second or third party will uphold the same values and expectations as the first party.
Fear - the anticipation of conflict, we have an expectation that we can act in a conflict-free manner.
Anger - the feeling that some specific party is at fault for the unmet expectation. Is there also an inherent expectation of control not being met? In many cases of anger there’s a perception of a lack of control that if it is not responsible for the emotion does compound it.
Guilt - the expectation of acting in a conflict-free way is unmet with the addition of feeling personally responsible for the unmet expectation.
updated: 2023-01-19 00:13:33 -0500
generated: 2023-01-19