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Bachelor in Paradise Season 8, Episodes 4 & 5

Rodney wants to take Teddi out, but alas, she gone.

Brandon is such a sweetie, helping out his bro Rodney, hyping him up. Brandon is the absolute best!

Jill has officially moved on from weirdo Romeo.

I'm digging Lace's chemistry with Rodney over Jill's.

- And BINGO! They're makin' out.

I still don't get this Ashley and Jared thing. Whatever, I'll give it a chance I guess.

- I really don't need the farting...

The boom-boom room seems kinda small.

Wells Storytime!

- The saga of Jared and Ashley.

- Ya, this story isn't getting me into the Ashley/Jared story.

- But I still enjoy Wells, so still worth it.

The double-dates return, and the left-behind boys are so sad.

I hate Genevieve. She's shitting on Justin so fast. It's so clear she's just manufacturing a reason to leave him.

- I like how level-headed Justin is through this though.

We getting a tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum flashback moment with Tammy and Thomas, love to see it.

- And history repeats itself!

Aaron is like a "super-bro".

- "I've got mad chemistry with you" - Aaron

Genevieve just sucks. Ugh. #JusticeForJustin

The 'high stakes' of these days-long relationships are wild.

- like Shanae and Genevieve screaming about 'reassurance' is so stupid considering they've known these women for like five minutes and they just got back from dates!!

- How are these guys gonna just jump on you after you're laughing and holding hands with these new buff bros.

Shanae just dropping 'relationship' when talking to Logan brings me back to what this show is. It's hot nonsense.

Sure Bachelor, let's waste a date card on the married couple...

I'm fully fast-forwarding through everything Jared and Ashley. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM!

Casey and Michael are the best peanut gallery. Give me two hours of them narrating this show.

Sierra is so all-in on Michael, and that makes me nervous for them.

- And she's talking A LOT about being a step-mom to his son... Not into that at all...

- And as I predicted, it was way too much way too soon for Michael.

And there's another wasted date card on Brandon and Serene...

Love how everyone's pinning their own success to Brandon and Serene's success. "Beacon of Hope" and all that jazz. Again, not a great omen, but I don't see these two leaving the island without rings on fingers.

Brandon is so sappy I can't. And he's such an easy crier.

Brandon and Serene dropping the L word this quick is crazy yet predictable.

Michael, my guy, stop going on reality shows if you're still grieving. Like, get your shit together before you drag people in with your charm then drop them when you realize you're not over your deceased wife.

- And lo and behold, Michael acknowledges just this. I'm a genius y'all.

And just like that Sierra's gone. Fucking what?!? JUST LEAVE, MICHAEL!!!!!

That fucking sucks. Seriously feel terrible for Sierra.

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So Salley actually showed up, whodathunkit.

- Missed three flights. Why is she such a hot commodity? Is the show that desperate to attract people to the island?

Salley tells us she missed her flights because of work. But Wells told us it was because of her ex. Who to believe...

They keep talking about StageCouch. I should probably find out what that is.

Salley's voice bothers me. It's like super airy? Like half her words get lost to the wind before they leave her lips.

Aaaaaaaand she's gone. Wow.

I can't look at Michael the same way after fucking with Sierra. I've soured on him.

New Cast:

- Peter: Pizza-Boy. All I remember is he was a giant prick.

He's still a creepy weirdo. But I absolutely love Casey roasting his weird ass.

- It breaks my heart that Brittany ate up what he was dishing. I liked her :(

He keeps saying he's the pizza guy. I hate it.

Casey hates him sooooo much I LOVE IT!!!!

Brittany is seeing how douchey Peter is and I'm back on team Brittany :)

BRITTANY SWERVED ANOTHER GUY!!!!! #BrittanyMVP

- But seriously, we need to get Brittany a guy, pronto.

I'm rooting for Jill and Jacob, the energizer bunnies of the island.

Peter is the fucking worst, calling Brittany a clout-chaser.

I approve of Brittany and Andrew. Please work, at least for a little while.

I'm liking Jacob the himbo more and more. He's just so pure.

How are there so many birthdays happening in this three week period???

- Serene, Genevieve, Justin so far.

Why is this show trying to make me care about Jared and Ashley's sex life?

Kira's back??? What???

When did this show allow people to come back after getting rejected at the rose ceremony? It devalues the whole rose ceremony process if there are no ultimate consequences for getting rejected. Between Salley and now Kira, It really feels like the show couldn't recruit enough people for this show.

I'm falling for Brittany HARD y'all. Confronting Jacob in defense of her friend Jill, you love to see it. #BrittanyIsStillMVP

Oh my fucking god is Romeo crying again? Kissing KIRA? You know what, he and Kira are meant for each other. Both just cringey weirdos.

Good riddance to the two of them honestly. But I'll be honest, Romeo looks fucking scared.

Looks like next week is gonna get hella spicyyyyy.

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