💾 Archived View for tilde.pink › ~ali › idle_hands.gmi captured on 2023-01-29 at 03:43:54. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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Song for this text:
Mitski - Liquid Smooth (Youtube, https)
Mitski - Liquid Smooth (local, opus)
I guess, idk.
I had a day full of nothing today.
Did nothing, played Valorant with some friends.
They're coming over this weekend to hangout with me, some company eh?
Right now, I'm out. Drove to a mall's Burger King for something to eat (for stimulation, was not hungry)
Got a sundae, it was good.
This is a day I'd categorise as a good day. But it feels bad. It feels desolate.
Woke up at 12pm. It was a nice day, weather's good and quite sunny.
I felt empty though. I expect friends coming too, it's not far away so it's something to look forward to.
Honestly, I feel spoilt writing these words. I have a car, a house to live in and enough money to live comfortably (living with my parents so it's even luxurious at this point)
I don't have enough money to live on my own, but enough money. People say money is important and all, but when it's enough, money becomes transparent. It's there but not noticed until you look carefully.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not that materialistic. A full belly and a computer is my qualifier for a good living. A smartphone is a plus.
Not rich or wealthy either, just comfortable.
Well, being comfortable where I'm from is considered luxurious, but still.
Even with all these, even being a healthy person with what people would call "friends" I feel lonely.
I can't feel connection towards people.
This is prolly an issue, sometimes the feeling of empathy isn't there too. I seek therapy, once a week. I hope she knows what she's doing.
I have things most would yearn about but literally care so little about it. I have a girl I talk to regularly, spendible money to even go abroad, and even a car. But I would only feel bad if they were to go away. Is this being petty? Is it truly petty if I'm thinking about it?
I hope that didn't sound like bragging, cause if it did, I'll let you know I feel miserable.
Most importantly, I've felt this way since I was like 12-13.
Pardon me writing a text this unorganised and ugly.
Feels hollow.
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