💾 Archived View for yaky.dev › 2022-08-12-benisms captured on 2023-01-29 at 02:41:43. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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I have a friend, let's call him... Ben. Ben is in his mid-30s, works as a software developer, and thinks he is incredibly intelligent and good at it. He loves money to the point of being a cheapskate, and often has such ignorant or terrible opinions I am not sure whether he is trolling or being serious. So I started collecting some of his sayings I found amusing, cringy, or outright insane.
These are all real conversations between me, him and a few other people. A is me, B is Ben, C and D are other people.
(Some order, formatting, and grammar were fixed for clarity)
This man is out there applying to software developer positions paying $150K+...
(Scroll down for some everyday Benisms)
B: i dont write tests
B: i just write tests that always pass
B: i dont get how a test would fail, u control the inputs
B: its like test an if statement works
B: y would an if statement fail
B: I decided to go night mode on all my app, going through each page and changing all the styles
A: Are you adding a switch?
A: Also, going through each page? You don't use global CSS for styles?
B: No switch, just hardcode. I use global CSS but I still have to go through each page. I have to turn on some attributes of my vuetify components to reverse the colors, there's no other way to access them. Some components can't take classes or it won't work so I have to use inlines, I have to refine on a case by case basis. But def night mode looks a ton better. I'll show u before after shots when I'm done
A: Oof
...
B: ... I have always excelled at UI but not necessarily software in general
B: errr not sure what ur talking about, my UIs are known to be pretty modern
A: The [web app] you showed us looks broken or unusable on resolutions less than 1920x1080 (e.g: old laptops). Like you cannot see the login button (and there's no scroll), text is all condensed and rows are shifted on top of each other. I had to set browser zoom to 80%, but then text is barely legible (especially on toasts)
B: If I had more time I would resolve the responsive issues
B: For now just wanted something to do the job
B: what SPA javascript framework do u use at work?
A: We don't use SPA
B: wat u use
A: It's MVC+jQuery, DevExtreme for components
B: MVC is not a framework, u mean the default MVC project on visual studio? i think they use Knockout.js
A: MVC is as much of a framework as any other, it has controller routing, page formation using CSHTML (or Blazor), but it's not entirely front-end if that's what you were thinking. We don't use knockout.
B: yes I think Blazor is what you're using for ur JS framework if your using the default MVC project
A: Yes Ben, you know more about what I do at my job than I do
B: i have a general question, y do apps not return ur password when u forgot, instead of always asking to reset
A: This implies that apps know the password.
A: Security 101, never store passwords
B: We store passwords all the time on the app at work, but its hashed. How can u authenticate if u dont store a password
A: Then you're storing a hash, not a password
B: yes, but y not decrypt it, and return it to user
B: i just dont see the harm
A: Bruh
A: Hash should be a one way function
A: All of this was covered in comp sci security class. Just search a lecture on password security basics.
B: i can look it up at any time, im asking u for a 5min general explaination
A: Okay, but it's a long answer...
A: [explanation]
B: i think i knew most of that except the part that u cant decrypt a hash
B: which explains y i cant send it back to user
To make it worse, some time in the past he invented a way to "speed up" the login page by... fetching an entire list of user passwords (in cleartext!) via AJAX so he can compare the value of the password textbox on-the-fly.
B: today i read that heroku requires a password change otherwise it will reset ur account, it means i gotta dive into the 3 apps i built for clients that are still using my apps in production and make those changes
A: Wait, are you using the free tier?
B: Yea free account on heroku and free account on AWS cloud atlas for database and bit.ly for domain
A: So you developed and sold apps for clients but they are hosted on free tier?
B: y not? it does the job. There's like next to zero memory storage involved and the clientele is no more than 50 users
B: just cause something is free doesnt mean it cant work for production
B: but the thing is, anyone can learn to be a recruiter, not everyone can learn to be a dev
C: Anyone can be anything
B: how many leet codes have u guys solved so far?
B: how many have u solved?
B: solve the first 3 easiest leet codes
C: How many do I care to solve?
B: i want to prove ur point that anyone can be anything
C: How many houses have you built?
B: make it a task to solve 5 leet codes within a week and i will rest my case on ur statement that anyone can learn this professiion
...
B: solve 5 leet code exercises this week, and next monday we will circle back on this conversation
C: Find a Reno project and finish a house and sell for profit
A: Read a fiction book by the next month as we'll come back to this
...
B: how many leet codes have we solved so far in this fine wednesday morning?
B: i just realized something, did u guys notice that we tend to sleep exactly once per day? exactly once for every rotation of the earth? it's almost like we evolved over time we synchronized exactly with when the sun rises and sets we do not need sleep every 1.5 days, or every 3.2 days, it is exactly every 1 day
A: Ben, are you just stating the obvious facts today?
A: no i mean think about it, we are synchronized exactly to 1 rotation its like we are part of earth
A: Wow, no shit
B: i dont think u really get it, NVM
B: wow im surprised how much of a difference the height of an antenna makes
B: i lift it 6 ft up i get 30 more channels
B: as soon as i bring it down the channel lags
C: That must be why radio antennas are so high
B: yes that might be, good discovery
A: Ben discovers EM waves
B: Some saunas have ice tubs. U go in the hot tub then u go in the ice tub
B: I've done it once, it was not fun
B: I think it could break ur cells too
B: Fast freezing is dangerous
B: I'm using my laptop for all sorts of tasks but it lags cause it's 15 years old. So first question is should I get a new laptop.
B: Second question is, can I get a free one from work or school and get to keep it if there is no paper trail.
A: the_secret_ingredient_is_crime.jpg
B: im sort of having regrets quitting [old job]
B: it was kind of a fun hobby job in a way
A: You could get a hobby, work on what you want
B: i could but like i always say, its more fun when u hobby something that ppl actually need
B: and get paid for it
B: got fired from J4 today
B: i couldnt pass their [training program]
...
D: How much money did you make from j4 before they fired you?
B: about 200k/yr
D: How much money did you actually receive from J4 before they fired you?
B: id say maybe 20k - 30k
A: You got a person's yearly salary in a month (?), call it a win and let go
B: well, not as much as i wanted, i was targeting 300k-400k/yr
B: This 155k job that I got, I had to code a working pacman in an hour. People have absolutely no idea what it takes to pull that off.
B: Dev is not just knowledge, knowledge can be attained anywhere, dev is a rare profession that actually requires intelligence
B: I wasnt born smart, but i believe i have grown faster than most for what i was given
C: Upper middle class home in one of the best schools in the country was a rough given?
B: that's just my parent's obsession with prestige
B: i dont think i know everything, but i think im good at seeing patterns on a large scale, at finding truths, and accepting them even if they are inconvinient. Why did i get good at this? because i had to. It was the only way I could make it through engineering school and the job. To be successful at solving all the engineering problems i was thrown at for the last 15 years.
B: They told me i was by far the brightess engineer out of 3 other experienced California engineers. They say they hire a lot of Amazon engineers, which are like at the top of their game, that is the level that I am put up against
C: Recruiters telling you that you are smart and should work for them. Unbiased
A: My mom tells me i am handsome too
B: Bookkeeping experience? Doesn't it take 15 min to learn bookeeping?
A: It doesn't take a degree to develop software, but you have one
B: lol u really dont get some things
A: And you are an all-knowing guru about bookeeping? Okay bud
B: im not having this conversation again but if u think bookeeping is the same as dev, holy shit there is some serious vacancy in ur understanding of those things
C: I think Anton has a pretty good understanding.
B: I wonder if u would have still applied to [company] if i had not told u that the market was hot right now🤔
A: No, i would not have. The world revolves around you and you control everyone like puppets
B: Well u only started applying after i mentioned the market tho, so not sure if u r telling the truth or not
A: I am telling the truth, you are the only sentient being, no one else has thoughts, opinions or feelings
A: Also I did not apply to a position at [company] last September
B: u said u applied and got rejected
A: But that was before you started talking about the job market, so that must have never happened.
B: i have no idea what ur talking about, u must be confusing topics, nvm
B: My [job application] rejections have absolutely nothing to do with my salary range, every experienced dev, every redditor, and every recruiter I've talked to, not one single one told me my market value was less than 120-180
A: Lol every redditor and recruiter. I'll ask some of my former coworkers and friends in dev and we'll see
B: Is there a holiday coming up? Ppl keep talking about some holiday
A: Yeah i keep hearing about eggs.
A: I also heard the police murdered this middle-eastern guy, but turns out he didn't die, and that was pretty big news
B: Huh?
B: TIL insider trading is illegal, now that is somethn
B: interesting, thats y martha stewart went to jail back in 2004, never knew the reason till now
B: thats pretty crazy, 5 months in jail? ppl should be able to trade however the f they want
A: Man, when you say stuff like that, I can't tell if you're trolling or being serious
B: no i never knew about this
B: first time i'm trained on this, cause first time im working for a publicly traded company
B: you should be an instructor anton lol.
B: anytime a student doesnt know a concept answer back, ARE YOU TROLLING OR SERIOUS!
B: i think u should work on your personality
A: [screenshot of news site with instructions on how to make a molotov cocktail]
A: This is legit on Ukrainian news now
B: lawl!
...
B: so do they actually explode or just catch on fire
A: Vapors explode, mixture sticks to everything and burns
B: what liquids go inside?
B: is it like baking soda and vinegar?
A: Yes, it's those two, they burn very well /s
B: well i'd assume they use household products
D: How are we feeling about the Supreme Court leak?
A: Disgrace and embarrassment for the country.
B: whats the leak about
A: Overturning Roe vs Wade, i.e. allowing individual states to outlaw abortions
B: doesnt seem that bad, i thought it was more insider details about judges wanting to burn due process and tell ppl they are guilty cause they feel like it
B: relative to what Putin is doing, this leak is not that bad
B: i should send u pics of the raped and burned ukrainian girls from russian soldiers
A: That is terrible too. But that doesn't negate the issue of abortion in US
B: Have u guys ever replaced carpet? Do u need carpentry experience or can be done first time?
A: Carpentry means working with wood, not with carpets
...
B: i think it'll cost 500$ for carpet plus another $500 for install
B: unless i do myself
B: but then i gotta make sure i finish on a weekend cause i need internet when work week starts
A: Internet goes through your carpet?
B: how do u fix a leak issue that runs from an upstairs bathroom down to the kitchen
B: do u have to tear down all the walls and celing, put new pipes, and patch back up?
B: how much would a job like that typically cost?
[long conversation about repairs]
A: You're suddenly in charge of the house? [Ben lives with his parents, in their house]
B: no but we're trying to fix the leak for years
A: Years? Oof
B: id dive more into it if it was my house, i mainly do the proven and true fixes for now, like changing bulbs and cleaning fly infested light guards
A: Lol enjoy your shitty kitchen ceiling i guess
A: So what are you gonna do?
B: well, we've decommissioned that bathroom for a while now but just thought it'd be nice for it to be fixed
B: but again, not my house
B: i think the house has 6 bathrooms, but only 3 are working
B: 1st day of [new job] today, laptop reminds me of mission impossible, 'HERE IS UR MISSION STATEMENT. USB IS FOUND UNDER UR MOUSE, THE LAPTOP WILL SELF DESTROY IN 10 SECONDS'
B: join a new job is fun, i should do this more often
B: its like playing a video game for the first time meeting new ppl, new missions, new physics
B: man its seriously crazy looking at the war videos in ukraine, its almost like a movie, ur seeing jets being shot down and tanks destroyed with ppl inside, i wonder how much PTSD it must cause to see all these bodies with their guts just hangout out and parts of their limbs exploded out. i dont think ppl realize the intensity of a war, its not like a video game, when u get shelled, it is a gruesome sight
B: i feel like the whole world is watching this war like its some sort of leaderboard video game or something
B: omg that was intense nutrition, just chugged a 14in papa john's pizza full of veggies in 10mins
First line's grammar was preserved
B: im installing win10 on my win7 laptop and interesting to c how muhc money ms paid for just 3 gb of data
A: What?
B: use ur brain to figure out what i meant
A: Fuck off
B: i dont get y u need explainations to relatively simple statements
B: im saying that i find it interesting that ms is spending billions on a corporation to build something like win10 which is just 3gb of data
A: Because it was not a clearly formed thought
A: If you're looking for small OS, there's Alpine Linux, 10MB i think?
B: according to your formatted thought, but not necessarily to the average formatted thought
B: a good communicator is able to switch between multiple thoughts
B: u should try to read the feature requests at my job if u think mine are not clear
A: Wow, you really feel like arguing about this
B: not really, just explaining y ur not getting some descriptions
B: its interesting how society assumes that everyone has a laptop, working internet, and a phone with unlimited wireless data plan
B: back in my day, it was not assumed that anyone had a computer or even dialup
Guy grew up in a wealthy suburb and had all of those things. He is just too cheap to get a decent phone plan
C: [image of young woman attached to job application]
C: I noticed all foreigners attach their picture to the resume. No locals attach a picture.
...
B: i bet that girl is a catfish. shes really 400lbs
C: IDC, as long as she takes the pay given and follows directions.
B: idk man, her pic just says trouble. do a quick google check before u interview anyone
A: A bit judgemental, eh?
B: u have to be judgemental if u want ur business to survive. recruiting is like 100% making decisions on stereotypes because they have no other measure of how successful a candidate is going to be. there is a stereotype on a fat person. there is a stereotype on a black person. there is a stereotype on a female person. u r welcome to hire anyone u want
B: i almost wonder if that girl posted a pic to use her looks as a plus
B: dont b coming back to me if she files a harassment lawsuit for an employee complimenting her haircut. or if ur coworkers cant concentrate
C: Why wouldn't they be able to concentrate?
B: some might grow feelings for her over time. they wouldnt be able to do authentic work, it could be biased.
A: Ben is the champion of extrapolation, so much information out of a single picture
B: u can read articles about the negative effects of hiring attractive employees. im sorry that u r unable to see patterns in really anything unfortunately
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