💾 Archived View for moldgold222.flounder.online › journal.gmi captured on 2022-07-16 at 14:34:35. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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96°F is starting to feel like nice weather here in st.louis. hanging out in the park right now. a huge branch just fell out of a tree nearby, unprompted by humans or wind. this weekend I am going to the bastille day celebration in soulard featuring a parade and beheading.
@ superfxchip, thanks for checking out my music! i dig yours too :-)
Yesterday L and I met someone on the street who was playing singing bowls and he asked us to sit with him. we stayed and chatted a bit about finding the masculine and feminine balances within everyone and everything, and he told us that buildings were unnatural because of their erectness and lack of curves. He also said rubber soled shoes keep us from connecting with the vibrations of the earth. thinking about being barefoot outside more often.
meeting with someone today over zoom to talk about a music therapy masters program! then going with L to sit with them while they get a tattoo. also playing a show at a bar i've never been to downtown tonight.
built a coffee table today with left-over wood from the old bedframe of someone I don't talk to anymore
getting a little stir crazy, might cut my hair. having the repetitive thought, "just bangs july"
I think I literally have worms, this is a nightmare.
update: didn't have pinworm, have covid :( this is my first time & it feels sad/bad
re-reading actual air by david berman again. always so good. always looking for poetry recommendations if anyone's got'm!
went home sick today from food poisoning(?). almost cancelled therapy, but glad I didn't (it's over zoom). Every time it's therapy day I get anxious & look for excuses to try and cancel & I never do & then i'm glad I didn't.
Summer school is almost over & then R & I head to Seattle to visit their family. I've been coasting lately! Going to set some real goals & deadlines on this new moon. worried about the lack of routine I will have in July but cannot complain about having a month off.
the summer school teacher I work with is out today & tomorrow (I'm a para) and it is hard!! Teaching/ coming up with things to do is fun & working with older kids is fun, but I don't have the rapport/ classroom management skills yet & am not good at being an "authority figure." I miss working with littles.
Finally updated my dreams from May and June so far on flounder. I haven't had as easy a time remembering them lately, but the ones I have remembered have been more stressful than in recent months.
flounder is blocked on my district's wifi. getting excited for summer school! pd today.
went camping with lesley yesterday & went with rowen to his mom's farm up north earlier this weekend. doing well lately, having a hard time responding to texts/writing letters though. might start blocking out time every day to make myself correspond so that it's less stressful? idk, let me know if u have any tips!
had a really dreary evening last night (having trouble with negative thoughts building up), but feeling very good today. spent the morning with les, went to the farmers market, picked some lettuce from our garden, walked around grand, and now i'm getting ready for a show i'm playing tonight. my pepper plant I have on the balcony is maybe dead for good. my cat ate all the leaves off of it in december when it lived inside but the stem looked green and strong until today. I think it got too much sunlight. the little 'new growths' on the side are kind of shriveled up. the tomatoes look good, ready to go in the ground. sunflower plants are looking strong. i don't know when they'll flower, but i'm maybe most excited for those.
it's teachers/staff appreciation week at my school and when a teacher calls out sick, we don't have enough subs or extra staff so the school calls the students' families and tells them to consider staying home & the ones who do come in get split up & sent to other class rooms. teachers go to the teachers lounge to cry and vent and take naps.
I put out a single 2day just 2 do it.
Starting recording a song tonight, making myself put it out as a single by friday to get over whatever fear of editing/non-follow-through I am experiencing right now. I've been feeling the good spring mania for too long, feeling lower now but still doing ok.
trying 2 convince all my out of town friends 2 move to st louis. one of my best friends from college who I love and care for a lot but don't keep in digital contact with much came down for the weekend, & spending time walking around everywhere with them & L & IO & R made me realize I can recreate a similar feeling of community and closeness I had in kirksville here or anywhere if i want to. you can literally just move into the same building as your closest friends & make a family if your friends want that too.
spring/heat/mugginess/green/leaves&flowers/thunderstorms is a reunion.
Alex u should keep facebook deleted, I never regret not having one except for when i want to sell something on marketplace & then I use rowen's. facebook = dead.
thank u sweet R for creating 222dlogdlom, I think it's really good and funny. <3
I lied before, on the 18th, my hubris. I feel too young to be 24 but I think most people probably feel too young when they end up at their age.
Zoe, my cat thanks u! i really enjoy reading your journal, thx for making contact
today is my cat's birthday. I think she's turning 8.
turning 24 on wednesday, not feeling too old or too young. I have no timeline.
last show tonight in como. I think i want a fidget spinner.
the movie ratatouille is good because the rat does crime in order to do his art (stealing)
back at work today. I hope caterpillardaily posts pictures of the caterpillars. <3 wondering what kind they are.
3 shows left! playing in Decatur tonight (house show), st louis tomorrow (sinkhole) & Como Wednesday (deru's). next time I tour I wanna be in a full band.
on tour. staying with a friend in Milwaukee. 2 guys r having a long & loud conversation in the apartment hallway about fossil fuels v. renewable energy. hot takes for 2022.
I'm reading The Body Keeps The Score right now & it's helping me realize the importance of practicing mindfulness every day. going 2 start.
thinking a lot about Herzog Heart of Glass today. I want to he hypnotized but I don't think I could let a stranger do it.
can't believe I fed woodchips to Rushad Eggleston last night. I've been a fan of his for 6+ years, so crazy to see him play live.
I can feel the grey matter in my brain growing
found some really bad old poetry from 4-ish years ago. I wrote a lot more freely back then. something to work back toward.
not quitting therapy (partying face emoji)
a kid who informed me he'll be turning 9 a year from yesterday asked me which school I "transformed from"
thinking of getting into smoking cigarettes
thinking of going camping in southern mo for spring break, wanna see some caves, wanna see some trees & water
scene from my college town news station
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbbvDzSxU6I
happy birthday Liam.
I feel like every part of my day is made up of moments of extreme tension & stress and then extremely euphoric resolutions. parent pickup (150 kids in a cafeteria) at the end of the day is a nightmare, but when it's over I feel like a cloud.
buzzed my hair & my students at school are all looking at me like I'm new.
I've been dishonest & held back some important feelings from my friends and am feeling like an asshole & also lucky they are so forgiving so quickly. learning a huge lesson about just talking about problems as soon as they arise and not holding them/letting them culminate. honesty wins every time.
I feel bad for saying I'd leave the midwest forever. idrc where I live, I just want to love and be loved by the people I'm around
advertising is a cult. learning horrors
no more twitter.
independent journalism from people on-the-ground is far more reliable than state & corporate run media. it feels funny to be learning about russia bombing kiev from big thief reposting a tick tock in between concert photos on an instagram story.
saw benny blanco walking down the sidewalk (i didn't know who this was, rowen's cousin told us)
having a nice time in California visiting Alex (hi alex). on our way to LA to stay with rowen's cousin. next time I move it will be out of the midwest I think. maybe not forever but for a time.
Maybe the slowest january in a while.
I just got hired on as a special ed teacher's aide at a school in my neighborhood & start early February. Setting up a tour with my friend Huxley around the midwest for April. almost done with the album i've been working on too. My goal is to have it all finished up a month b4 we go. :-) all this free time from not being able to go out and visit with people has been productive but also very lonely!
I've had two job interviews since quitting my job. I feel healthy & creative & motivated. I am doing a good job at texting back friends lately.
I'm reading Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake. It's a soft-biology book about mushrooms and their relationships with other organisms and their environments. The narration is very honest and personal but also informational. I don't generally become invested in science non-fiction, but i'm finding it really captivating.
solely handwashing & line-drying my clothes in 2022. idrk why, conservation maybe. part of me still believes the individual can make positive ecological impact via lifestyle change. i don't hold anyone else to that. i hung up a clothesline in my room yesterday & did the first load & it's easy to do but i'm also unemployed & have the time right now.