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20.05.22
Quick disclaimer: I will assume some words might be unknown to the reader and provide definitions or explanations at the bottom.
While the list of fictional characters that are asexual^1 has luckily been growing in past years, providing a few illuminating and deep storylines that have helped a lot of people understand themselves and each other, the amount of aromantic^2 representation in fiction is currently at an embarrassing level.
The J-Drama "Koisenu Futari", however, tells an amazing story about two aroace^3 people and their way to finding a life without romance and sex. It offers great insight into aspects of aroace life such as the struggle to be understood and the fear of leading a lonely life.
After putting up with one-off characters, side characters, characters that have only been confirmed as aro/ace outside the material or characters that just kind of have an aroace vibe, aspecs^4 finally got a show that's just about them. A show that not only shows aspects of their lifes never explored in a show before but also one that tries and succeeds at making allos^5 understand a little about what being aroace means.
The show is about Sakuko (27?), who is confused by people's focus on love and romance. She is pressed by her family to get married and have a baby but she doesn't really understand what romance even is. She inquires online about how it could be that she can't fall in love and finds Takahashi's (39) food/aroace blog. His words resonate with her and after having a chat with him at his house she proposes they live together like a family, with no romantic or sexual feelings involved.
There are many great scenes in this show so I can't share them all, but perhaps a few of my favourites. Also keep in mind I don't speak Japanese so all quotes will be from subtitles, translated by someone else^6.
The first quote I'd like to get into is from Takahashi's blog, seen in episode 1:
"People say: You like being alone, don't you? This troubles me because it's not true."
Just because someone feels no romantic or sexual feelings, or even, like Takahashi himself, doesn't enjoy being touched, it does not mean he wants to be alone forever. There are of course aroace people who want to be and live alone and are completely content with that. But the lack of attraction itself doesn't mean one doesn't get lonely. The two main characters chose to live together precisely because they fear loneliness.
Another scene I greatly enjoyed was Sakuko coming out to her family in episode 2. I cut it down a lot because these are already a ton of pictures.
At this point Sakuko has begun to see all the pushing to fall in love and the assurance that she'll get someone one day as rude. She has expressed that she feels 'gloomy' around people because they don't undertstand her and that what makes her happy isn't romance.
What do you mean by "normally happy"?
Why do you keep saying all the rude stuff?
I recently came to realize that
What do you mean, "one of them"?
Is there anything wrong if I am?
I don't want to feel gloomy in front of the people who are precious to me
(mom) Love might bloom one day
Is there any meaning when a man and a woman who don't love each other become a family?
(takahashi) Then you don't have to understand or accept that at all.
why is it that at times like this
things don't end with the recognition that such people exist
(dad) You don't have to force yourself to fall in love or marry.
No matter what you are, the fact that you're my daughter won't change.
Another important character is Sakuko's ex boyfriend. He starts out as very entitled and refuses to understand that the two main characters aren't actually a couple. Throughout the next episodes he starts to understand who Sakuko is and what a partnership without romance or sex could mean. He offers to live with her in such a family but she refuses. Although they are very similar and she enjoys his company she doesn't want him to limit himself, as she knows he's in love with her and she can't give him what he really needs to be happy.
In this episode she feels very sad about not loving those back who feel romantic feelings for her. She sees the way they hurt and she wants to understand but she can't.
One of my favourite things the story shows is that, even though they don't hate the way they are, the characters find it difficult to come to terms with the cards they've been dealt. Being told from childhood that 'this is how your life will be' they are troubled about what the future could hold for them if they can't have this kind of normal life.
You think about a lot of stuff
but not everything in your life goes the way you want it to
You have to come to terms with it.
Then why don't we try to aim for the best possible outcome?
With each other, they find a different lifestyle and a different kind of family.
That gloominess you talked about,
I think it has always lingered about in my life too.
But since I started living with you,
I've learned about this new lifestyle,
all that gloominess in my life
and the colors began to change.
They stop living together in the end so each can live their best and happiest possible life but they still stay close.
It's okay to not decide everything. We can put everything- ourselves, our family as 'subject to change.'
When we put something in words, we get bound by it.
Just like us not wanting to get bound by the 'normal' defined by those around.
The things we hold important and our ways of thinking keep changing continuously.
So we can think about the best in that particular moment.
Sakuko is a character that cares a lot about other people's happiness. Takahashi doesn't really bother with people, he gives up on a lot of things because he feels it's not worth the trouble. Throughout the story he teaches her that her own happiness and her own life are her responibility, that she doesn't have to do what everyone else does because it makes them happy. She teaches him that while he doesn't owe it to anyone to explain himself it can be worth the effort. He concludes with the words "(..) for all that I stopped giving up, I recieved something in return. Probably, this is the first time I have felt that this life is not so bad."
1 "asexual" - lack of sexual attraction. more detail may be found here:
2 "aromantic" - lack of romantic attraction (not falling in love). more detail:
3 "aroace" - "aro" being short for aromantic and "ace" short for asexual: people who feel both little to no sexual and romantic attraction.
4 "aspec" - a spectrum ranging from people who feel no romantic attraction or no sexual attraction to those who do experience them rarely or only under certain conditions. "aspecs" obviously referring to people on the spectrum.
5 "allo" - allo is used as the opposite of "a". some who isn't asexual is "allosexual". similar to the terms straight/hetero and cis.
6 English Subs are provided for free by the twitter account @KaizenSubs
