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6/2/2003
Encouraging feedback is one thing putting it to good use is quite another. Step
number one is to free yourself from knee-jerk reaction to criticism.
by Jay M. Jackman and Myra H. Strober
Adapting to feedback which inevitably asks people to change, sometimes
significantly is critical for managers who find themselves in jobs, companies,
and industries undergoing frequent transitions. Of course, adaptation is easier
said than done, for resistance to change is endemic in human beings. But while
most people feel they can't control the negative emotions that are aroused by
change, this is not the case. It is possible and necessary to think positively
about change. Using the following adaptive techniques, you can alter how you
respond to feedback and to the changes it demands.
Recognize your emotions and responses. Understanding that you are experiencing
fear ("I'm afraid my boss will fire me") and that you are exhibiting a
maladaptive response to that fear ("I'll just stay out of his way and keep my
mouth shut") are the critical initial steps toward adaptive change. They
require ruthless self-honesty and a little detective work, both of which will
go a long way toward helping you undo years of disguising your feelings. It's
important to understand, too, that a particular maladaptive behavior does not
necessarily tell you what emotion underlies it: You may be procrastinating out
of anger, frustration, sadness, or other feelings. But persevering in the
detective work is important, for the payoff is high. Having named the emotion
and response, you can then act just as someone who fears flying chooses to
board a plane anyway. With practice, it gradually becomes easier to respond
differently, even though the fear, anger, or sadness may remain.
It is possible and necessary to think positively about change.
Jay M. Jackman and
Myra H. Strober
Maria, a mid-level manager with whom we worked, is a good example of someone
who learned to name her emotions and act despite them. Maria was several months
overdue on performance reviews for the three people who reported to her. When
we suggested that she was procrastinating, we asked her how she felt when she
thought about doing the reviews. After some reflection, she said she was
extremely resentful that her boss had not yet completed her own performance
evaluation; she recognized that her procrastination was an expression of her
anger toward him. We helped her realize that she could act despite her anger.
Accordingly, Maria completed the performance evaluations for her subordinates
and, in so doing, felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
Once she had completed the reviews, she noticed that her relationships with her
three subordinates quickly improved, and her boss responded by finishing
Maria's performance review.
We should note that Maria's procrastination was not an entrenched habit, so it
was relatively easy to fix. Employees who start procrastinating in response to
negative emotions early in their work lives won't change that habit quickly,
but they can eventually.
Get support. Identifying your emotions is sometimes difficult, and feedback
that requires change can leave you feeling inhibited and ashamed. For these
reasons, it's critical to ask for help from trusted friends who will listen,
encourage, and offer suggestions. Asking for support is often hard, because
most corporate cultures expect managers to be self-reliant. Nevertheless, it's
nearly impossible to make significant change without such encouragement.
Support can come in many forms, but it should begin with at least two people
including, say, a spouse, a minister or spiritual counselor, a former mentor,
an old high school classmate with whom you feel emotionally safe. Ideally, one
of these people should have some business experience. It may also help to
enlist the assistance of an outside consultant or executive coach.
Reframe the feedback. Another adaptive technique, reframing, allows you to
reconstruct the feedback process to your advantage. Specifically, this involves
putting the prospect of asking for or reacting to feedback in a positive light
so that negative emotions and responses lose their grip.
Take the example of Gary, a junior sales manager for a large manufacturing
company. Gary's boss told him that he wasn't sociable enough with customers and
prospects. The criticism stung, and Gary could have responded with denial or
brooding. Indeed, his first response was to interpret the feedback as shallow.
Eventually, though, Gary was able to reframe what he'd heard, first by
grudgingly acknowledging it. ("He's right, I'm not very sociable. I tested as
an introvert on the Myers-Briggs, and I've always been uncomfortable with small
talk"). Then Gary reframed the feedback. Instead of seeing it as painful, he
recognized that he could use it to help his career. Avoiding possible
maladaptive responses, he was able to ask himself several important questions:
"How critical is sociability to my position? How much do I want to keep this
job? How much am I willing to change to become more sociable?" In responding,
Gary realized two things: that sociability was indeed critical to success in
sales and that he wasn't willing to learn to be more sociable. He requested a
transfer and moved to a new position where he became much more successful.
Break up the task. Yet another adaptive technique is to divide up the large
task of dealing with feedback into manageable, measurable chunks, and set
realistic time frames for each one. Although more than two areas of behavior
may need to be modified, it's our experience that most people can't change more
than one or two at a time. Taking small steps and meeting discrete goals
reduces your chances of being overwhelmed and makes change much more likely.
Jane, for example, received feedback indicating that the quality of her work
was excellent but that her public presentations were boring. A quiet and
reserved person, Jane could have felt overwhelmed by what she perceived as the
subtext of this criticism: that she was a lousy public speaker and that she'd
better transform herself from a wallflower into a writer and actress. Instead,
she adapted by breaking down the challenge of "interesting presentations" into
its constituent parts (solid and well constructed content; a commanding
delivery; an understanding of the audience; and so on). Then she undertook to
teach herself to present more effectively by observing several effective
speakers and taking an introductory course in public speaking.
It was important for Jane to start with the easiest task in this case,
observing good speakers. She noted their gestures, the organization of their
speeches, their intonation, timing, use of humor, and so forth. Once she felt
she understood what good speaking entailed, she was ready to take the
introductory speaking course. These endeavors allowed her to improve her
presentations. Though she didn't transform herself into a mesmerizing orator,
she did learn to command the attention and respect of an audience.
Use incentives. Pat yourself on the back as you make adaptive changes. That may
seem like unusual advice, given that feedback situations can rouse us to
self-punishment and few of us are in the habit of congratulating ourselves.
Nevertheless, nowhere is it written that the feedback process must be a wholly
negative experience. Just as a salary raise or a bonus provides incentive to
improve performance, rewarding yourself whenever you take an important step in
the process will help you to persevere in your efforts. The incentive should be
commensurate with the achievement. For example, an appropriate reward for
completing a self-assessment might be an uninterrupted afternoon watching ESPN
or, for a meeting with the boss, a fine dinner out.
Excerpted with permission from "Fear of Feedback," Harvard Business Review,
Vol. 81, No. 4, April 2003.