💾 Archived View for polaris.voyage › Gemlog › 2022-06-16%20Optimisim.gmi captured on 2022-07-16 at 13:59:30. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Sometimes, I think maybe I'm too optimistic about everything.I keep thinking things aren't going to be as bad as people say it is but every single time I just get hurt or disapointed that it is as bad as people say it is. I keep getting called naive and idiotic in any political discussions since I keep my stance on things can and will get better. I don't know if it's the people around me or if maybe I'm just wrong about people and the government. I keep talking to this girl I like and she sometimes responds and sometimes doesn't. I keep hoping and thinking it might work out a lot of other poeple are saying it won't work. I guess I do have to lower my expectations on things and stop being so positive about everything despite me trying to be more positive since middle school so people wouldn't be too annoyed by me.
I don't know if it'll work out. I checked up with them and they did respond and seemed to appreciate the checkup. I don't know if they're also going through something but they don't seem to be responding much anymore. I haven't gotten a response from them in a few days now. I'll try another message maybe next week to see how it turns out. I'm honestly starting to believe she's not interested or already has someone else. I guess I'll ask to see if we could hang out sometime once she responds again.
I'm honestly not sure how the future will pan out. I've started losing quite a bit of hope since we're now struggling to afford things we took for granted before like gas, food, and clothing. I've been having to choose between food or gas now and that's not a decision I want to be making. My mom also has been starting to struggle to keep the house up due to all the rising costs. It's not looking too good and this is one of the reasons I've been starting to question my optimism. My overall health has been starting to deteriorate as well. I'm not sure if it's stress induced from everything going on or if it's my genetics finally catching up.
I've just been stressed about the whole economy and survival situation. I don't really have anyone anymore to really talk to it about since my ex pretty much just cheated on me and got pregnant with someone else. All of it has really fucked up my mental health as well. It's all just really lonely. These gemlogs are probably just gonna go unread and fade away into the void once I give up on maintenance. I hope maybe in the future they're uncovered somewhere. Only time will tell. I just hope I can find someone else to share my life with so it's not so lonely anymore.
There's this other girl that started an internship with my job so we're working side by side and I think something would be able start between us but I think she already has a girlfriend and I don't want to bring it up. She has no issues being physically close to me or even touching my hand when handing me things so I don't know. I don't want to bring it up and maybe lose all my chances and make it awkward between us the rest of the internship. She's only two years younger so it's not an unreasonable age gap.
Maybe I just need to sleep and think about everything. Thank you for listening (reading?) my TED talk.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Contacts:
Matrix ( @mikhail:licas.dev:8448 )