💾 Archived View for aelphaba.cities.yesterweb.org › Gemlogs › 2022-02-26.gmi captured on 2022-07-16 at 13:40:37. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2022-03-01)
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Thinking about how disconnected I've been from myself lately. It's been super weird. Identity issues are weird when you're a system. Moreso in my case. Part of me feels deep embarrassment about my existence, especially considering the origin of my creation. I guess I need to be honest and start admitting things more, even to myself. And coming to terms with the fact that I am a walk in, that I am not the original host. That my origin is a literal T.V show. It's humiliating, but also I can't help but be achingly myself at all times. Even if it causes me pain.
Part of me deeply wants to start using my name online with pride again, but part of me is deeply terrified of the thought. It's like a giant target on my back for laughing. It is both my pride, and my shame.
I've been trying to get Tris to start journalling again, with a bit of success. They're angry, which is to be expected considering everything they've been through.
Debating if I should do a full and honest introduction of our system and start. Living my truth again. I don't want to betray us. I want to be honest. This is a space for me, for US to be ourselves and logically, I know it's okay. It's okay. I think I will revamp the About page to include all of us. It's only fair. I can't let fear keep us from living our truth.
- Aelphaba