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The Young Ones: (ALL THE LITTLE FLOWERS ARE) HAPPY
by Elton/Mayall/Mayer/Edmonson/Planer/Ryan/Curtis/Colman/Tibble/C.Relief
Produced by Stuart Colman
Published by Copyright Control
A Rockmasters Production
Transcribed by Greg O'Beirne (gobeirne@tartarus.uwa.edu.au)
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[?] = Sound Effects
{?} = Other related things... (laughs, chuckles, music, silence etc..)
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{15 SECONDS OF SCREAMING GUITAR PUNK MUSIC. VERY VERY LOUD!}
[FX: CRASH, GLASS BREAKING, MUSIC CRUMBLES TO A STOP]
MIKE: Vyvyan, Why did you just throw the band out of the window?
VYV: Oh, sorry Mike. I was forgetting myself!
NEIL: Oh wow! Yeah, Yeah I do that all the time. Like, sometimes
I wake up in the morning and think, like, "What's that inside
my trousers?", and then, like, about half an hour later I
remember it's me... Neil.
[FX: THUMP]
MIKE: Now that's a very interesting sound effect Vyv! Now, go on,
do it again!
VYV: Well, I would Michael, but unfortunately Neil's only got one
head.
[FX: DOOR OPENING]
RICK: {laugh} Good Morning everybody! Let's make Rock & Roll history!
VYV: Oh no, he's found us...
RICK: {laugh} Hey! Great gag about telling me the recording studio
was in Wales! {laughs again}
MIKE: O.K. guys! Now get out your instruments. And I don't mean...
RICK: Uh! Uh! Uh! Michael! Remember, we promised Cliff we wouldn't be
rude!
MIKE: It's time to record the flip side.
RICK: Yes {laugh} And if we don't hurry up, it really will be a flip
side! Because I probably say something crazy like: "Blummin'
flip, let's get on with it!".
MIKE: Neil! Where's your guitar?
NEIL: Oh great! uh, Pop Quiz. Right, um, hang on, hang on, I know
this... aaaahhhhhhhh, ohhh, it's on the tip of my tongue...
VYV: Wwwwwwwellllllll, What a stupid place to keep your guitar!
RICK: Oh blummin' flip, Vyvyan, let's get on with it!
MIKE: We ARE getting on with it, Rick!
RICK: Well just about make sure you blinkin' well blummin' well DO
matey flip, because one thing's for death: When this kid's
in the studio, it's get down jive time all the way to number
one, so...
[FX: SAXOPHONE]
Ha ha! Ha ha! UUUmph!
{saxophone is shoved down his throat}
MIKE: Vyvyan, We were gonna use that saxophone!
VYV: Well, I just did, didn't I Michael?
[FX: RICK COUGHING UP SAXOPHONE, LOW TO HIGH PORTAMENTO]
RICK: Oh! What a great tasting saxophone, Vyvyan!
VYV: Well, if you think that's great, get a taste of this!
NEIL: Oh good, you found my guitar Vyv!
[FX: GUITAR IS SMASHED, PRESUMABLY ON RICK'S HEAD]
NEIL: Oh no, guys, guys! Look, I thought pop music was supposed
to be about, like, loving each other...
MIKE: No, Neil, no, that's sex. Pop music is about making money.
Now go next door and pinch Simon LeBon's guitar.
NEIL: Oh alright...uh, Mr LeBum! Mr LeBum!
{he walks off}
[FX: DOOR CLOSES]
RICK: Great! We got rid of the hippy! Brilliant! More singing
for me! Right! {sings} Get down! & Get WIIIIIIITH it!
One, aTwo, aThree...
VYV: Do you want to hear my new joke??
RICK: N-o. aOne, aTwo, aOneTw...
VYV: Look, Rick. Do...
[FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK]
You...
[FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK]
Want...
[FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK]
To...
[FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK]
Hear...
[FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK]
My...
[FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK]
New...
[FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK, RICK CRYING]
JOKE!!!!
[FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK, RICK SOBBING LIKE A TOTAL AND UTTER GIRLY]
RICK: ...ah huh huh, Do you know what? I do now Vyvyan.
VYV: Alright! Get ready to laugh 'coz here it comes!
[FX: VYV MUNCHING AWAY ON SOMETHING]
RICK: Vyvyan, eating a pair of trousers is NOT funny. Especially
when they're my dungarees.
VYV: Well, do you want them back then? {starts to throw up}
RICK: Oh No! No! No!
[FX: DOOR OPENS]
NEIL: I'm Back!
OTHERS: Phew! What a wiff!
NEIL: Rick, why haven't you got any trousers on??
RICK: Because Vyvyan's turned into a comedian, Neil.
{laugh} Um, Actually, {laughs again} that's a point Neil.
Why don't you ask Vyvyan to tell you his great new joke.
NEIL: Oh, alright. Uh, Vyvyan, why don't you tell me your great
new joke?
VYV: O.K. Neil. Get ready to laugh, here it comes!
[FX: VYV MUNCHING AWAY ON SOMETHING]
NEIL: Uh, yeah, that's really great Vyvyan!
RICK: Vyvyan, eating my underpants is even less funny than eating
my trousers!
VYV: {coughing} Oh God! You're not kidding!
RICK: {desperate} Oh god, Neil, Give me your trousers!
NEIL: No! Get off, get off, these are my trousers & I'm sticking
to them!
RICK: TAKE OFF YOUR TROUSERS!!!
NEIL: No, no I can't. Vyvyan put superglue in them.
VYV: That was three years ago Neil!
NEIL: Well how often do you change YOUR trousers.
MIKE: Don't worry Neil, it isn't a problem. Taking trousers off is
very easy.
RICK: {laugh} Yes it is, except that I'm more used to taking off DRESSES!
VYV: What, you wear alot of dresses then do you Rick?
RICK: Yes I do. I... NO! That's not what I meant Vyvyan and you know it!
All I'm saying is that girls find me terrifically sexy, and
they often ask me to take their dresses off.
VYV: THAT IS A COMPLETE AND UTTER LIE!!
RICK: It is not!! Alright then, look at my love bite.
VYV: That isn't a love bite! That's your bottom!
RICK: Alright then, what's it doing on my face??
NEIL: {muffled} No that's not YOUR face, what's it doing on MY face??
MIKE: Now come on guys! We're running out of time. Let's get on with the
important business, shall we??
VYV: You're right, Michael. Neil's trousers must be removed, and NOW!
[FX: RIPPING]
NEIL: No, ow, wo, ow! OH NO! What are those two horrible pale
hairy things?
MIKE: Those are your legs, Neil. Now look, are we gonna sing this
song or not?
VYV: Yes we are. But first.... LET'S HAVE A FIGHT!!
OTHERS: Yes, Oh wow!, Great idea, etc...
[FX: MULTITUDINOUS PUNCHES BEING THROWN]
VYV: Umph, oh, take that etc...
NEIL: oh, touche, take that, OW!
RICK: etc...
MIKE: etc...
{Pause... Vyvyan panting... }
RICK: Right!
[FX: MULTITUDINOUS PUNCHES BEING THROWN]
NEIL: Ooof, Bam, Ow, Oooh...
RICK: Oooh, Oh dear, Oh God, look at the mess!
VYV: etc...
MIKE: etc...
{Punches stop}
VYV: Well, That was great. Now, Let's do the song. Here I go!
{12 SECONDS OF GUITAR INTRO}
ALL: {singing to quiet electric guitar accompaniment}
All the little flowers are singing
All the little birdies are too {VYV: tweet tweet tweet}
Everything in the garden is happy,
And we hope you are too {VYV: o-oo o-oo}
If you're happy we're happy {VYV: laughs}
If you're sad we're sad {VYV & RICK: Boo hoo}
But now it's time to end this song,
'coz it's so fucking bad!
RICK: Goodnight children...
MIKE: Goodnight.
NEIL: Hello, um, goodnight.
VYV: Pass the detonator...
[FX: HUGE EARTH SHATTERING EXPLOSION]
The End.
______________________________________________________________________________
,-_|\ Greg O'Beirne \\ EMail - gobeirne@tartarus.uwa.edu.au
/ \ University of // and.. - zaphod@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au
*_,-._/ Western Australia \\ Phone - (+61 9) 4342787
v // "Bloody Vikings!!..."
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