💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › COMPUTER › winjokes.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 09:28:17.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Mark Kovarski <kovarski@zooid.guild.org> writes: > The Funniest Lines > ================== > >Here is a collection of Lines. You can use any of them in your >signatures files. This list will be updated regularly. Enjoy... > >"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >"If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." - Bill Gates >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >"I believe OS/2 is destined to be the most important operating > system, and possible program, of all time." - Bill Gates, 1987 >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >"OS/2 is destined to be a very important piece of software. During the >next 10 years, millions of programmers and users will utilize this >system." Bill Gates, 1988 >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >"In fact, I don't think 7-11s even take coupons. I should check that >out..." - Bill Gates, 1992 >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >"While we liked developing Windows applications, we never inhaled." >- Philippe Kahn, 1992 >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >"New GUIs from IBM and NeXT make Windows look old hat." >- Datamation, 1992 >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >" Why are manhole covers round? > How many gas stations are there in the U.S.?" >- Interview questions asked by Microsoft, 1992 >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >(Dos + Windows + ATM) < OS/2 2.0! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >2.0 is better than 1. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Bugs come in through open Windows. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Dogs crawl under gates, software crawls under Windows! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Don't be held back by yesterday's DOS! Try today's OS/2! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Dos: Venerable. Windows: Vulnerable. OS/2: Viable. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Scanning for Viruses...Windows Found! Please Remove. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something... >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Double your drive space! Delete Windows! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Friends don't let friends use Windows. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Have you crashed your Windows today? >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >He who laughs last uses OS/2. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >How do you make Windows faster? Throw it harder! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >How do you spell relief? OS/2! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >I don't do Windows, but OS/2 does. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >I love running Windows! NOT! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >I smashed a Window and saw... *OS/2* >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >I use OS/2 2.0 and I don't care who knows! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >If Windows sucked it would be good for something. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >If you want it done right, forget Microsoft. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >It takes 2.0, baby, it takes 2.0... >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >MASOCHIST: Windows SDK programmer with a smile! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >My best view from a Window was through OS/2. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >One man's Windows are another man's walls. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >OS/2 2.0: Taking the wind out of Windows. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >OS/2 in '92! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >OS/2: Bill Gates' worst nightmare! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >OS/2: Logic, not magic. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >OS/2: Not just another pretty program loader! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >OS/2: The choice of the next generation. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >OS/2: Windows done RIGHT! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >OS/2: Windows with bullet-proof glass. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >OS/2: The human way of Computing! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >OS/2: Your brain. Windows: Your brain on drugs. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >See the Future; See OS/2. Be the Future; Run OS/2. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >The best way to accelerate Windows is at escape velocity. >----------------------------------------------------------------------- >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >To whom the gods destroy, they first teach Windows... >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C:\> >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Wait for OS/2 2.0 - the best Windows tip around! >----------------------------------------------------------------------- >Walk through doors, don't crawl through Windows. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >What I like about MS is its loyalty to customers! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >What's so great that people are switching to Windows? >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >What?!? DOSSHELL *isn't* supposed to be a joke? >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >When DOS grows up it wants to be OS/2! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Why look thru Windows? Open the door to the future: OS/2 >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >WindowError:001 Windows loaded. System in danger. >WindowError:002 No error . . . yet. >WindowError:003 Dynamic linking error. Your mistake is now in every > file. >WindowError:004 Erronious error. Nothing wrong. >WindowError:005 Multitasking attempted. System confused. >WindowError:006 Malicous error. Desqview found on drive. >WindowError:007 System price error. Inadequate money spent. >WindowError:008 Broken window. Watch for glass fragments. >WindowError:009 Horrible bug encounterd. God knows what has happened. >WindowError:00A Promotional literature overflow. Mailbox full. >WindowError:00B Inadequate disk space. Need 50 meg minimum. >WindowError:00C Memory hog error. More ram needed. More! More! >WindowError:00D Window closed. Do not look out. >WindowError:00E Window open, do not loo in. >WindowError:00F Unexplaind error. Please tell us how it happened. >WindowError:010 Reserved for future mistakes >WindowError:014 Nonexisent error. This cannot really be happening. >WindowError:015 Unable to exit windows. Try the door. >WindowError:016 Door locked. Try control-alt-delete >WindowError:017 Keyboard locked. Try anything you can think of. >WindowError:018 Unrecoverable error. System destroyed. >WindowError:019 User error. It's not our fault. Is not! Is not! >WindowError:01A Oprating system overwritten. Terribly sorry. >WindowError:01B Illegal error. Do not get this error. >WindowError:01C Uncertainty error. Uncertainty may be inadequate. >WindowError:01D Unable to figure out our own code. System crashed. >WindowError:01E Timing error. Please wait. And wait. And wait. >WindowError:01F Reserved for future mistakes >WindowError:020 Error recording error codes. Remaining errors lost. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows 3.1 - The Best $89 Solitaire Game You can Buy! >----------------------------------------------------------------------- >Windows = Training wheels for OS/2! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows = Turn a 386/25 into a 4.77 Mhz XT >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows is a pane >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows is great if you can make it work. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows is to OS/2 what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows isn't crippleware: it's "Fuctionally Challenged" >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows NT: From the makers of Windows 3.0! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows NT: Vapourware of the desperate and scared. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows NT? New Technology? I don't think so... >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows NT? Want to run it? Check IEEE Spectrum "TERAFLOPS GALORE." >----------------------------------------------------------------------- >Windows: A View to be Killed. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows: an Unrecoverable Acquisition Error! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows: Just another pane in the glass. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows: The CP/M of the future! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows: The Gates of hell. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows? Homey don't play that! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windows? WINDOWS?!? Hahahahahehehehehohohoho... >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Windws is ine for bckgroun comunicaions >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >You're throwing it all out the Windows! -------------------------------------------------END of FILE------------- Tja... kanske skulle vara n?tt f?r IBM att trycka upp p? t-shirts och erbjuda Windows uppgraderare... 8--) UPLOADAT till PCC av Stefan Norberg (internet: nobbe@csd.uu.se)