💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › COMPUTER › uzivs.jok captured on 2022-06-12 at 09:27:19.
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The Uzi vs. The Computer
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Yossie Silverman (Yossie @ Bitnic)
The following advertisement appeared in one of the munition magazines:
The Guy on the Right Doesn't Stand a Chance. The guy on the right
has the Osborne 1, a fully functional computer system in a portable
package the size of a briefcase. The guy on the left has an Uzi
submachine gun concealed in his attache case. Also in the case are
four fully loaded, 32 round clips of 125 grain 9 mm ammunition.
The owner of the Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower
delivered --- and delivered on target --- in less time and with less
effort.
All for $795. It's inevitable.
If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 --- or any
personal computer -- he's the one whose in trouble. One round from
an Uzi can zip through ten inches of solid pine wood, so you can
imagine what it will do to structural foam acrylic and sheet
aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines for the Uzi are available in
25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can take out an entire
office full of Apple II or IBM Personal Computers tied into Ethernet
or other local area networks.
What about the new 16-bit computers, like the Lisa and Fortune?
Even with the Winchester backup they're no match for the Uzi. One
quick burst and they'll find what UNIX means.
Make your commanding officer proud. Get an Uzi -- and come home a
winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.