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View: THE SOCIETY OF LEECHES
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[-] The Society of "Leeches" in the Telecommunications World [-]
[-] Scribed by: Mister IOO [-]
[-] [-]
[-] The Restaurant at the End of the Universe............(609)-921-1994 [-]
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leech (lech) n. 1.Any of various aquatic bloodsucking worms, of wich one
species was formerly used by physicians to bleed patients. 2.One who preys
on or lives off others. 3.One who takes, but does not give. [< OE leac]
Many of you are familiar with "The Real Pirate" volumes 1-4, but some
still say we have 5 of them. Most of wich are "Bogus" copies, or immitations
of the original. You also have most likely seen "What Assholes Do", and
"AE Assholes", from the Neon Knights.
This will reveal the "Society" of where these little pricks..."Leeches"...
come from, and hang out. And what YOUR rank in here is, that is, if you
are a leech. This society is almost like the setup of your worst dreaded
"Elite Group", at your local Net-Works II BBS system. If I offend anyone,
well, then my friend you are a true leech.
Their society is set up like a desperate fight to the top. Where they want
to get higher ranks, the Moles will fight like hell to become an AE Leech.
And the people who have higher ranks will try and make you think they
are cool, while spitting on the lower "Leeches", and calling them names, and
threats to "Kick their asses!!!!!", threw E-Mail. And the dead give away
is that they either spell their handle wrong, or they can't spell "PUSSY"
correctly, when calling names. They try "PUSSEY", "PUSSIE", "PUSSE", and
after a long time get so exasperated, they say "PUSS". One last note,
before the society chart, they will always spell "A LOT" as "ALOT".
The society of Leeches is like this:
Supreme Leeches
| \
AE Leeches BBS Leeches Assholes
| \
Un-Real Pirates Melvins But-Fucks Homos
\ \
11 Year-Old Sysops Fensters Urchins Flaming BFs Flaming Homos
| \
Moles Piss Heads Quibes Pricks
\
Slimes Scums 9 Year-Olds
\
Narks Morons 90 Year-Olds
\ \
Goofs Peons Hose Heads
\
Volkswagon "Buggy" Drivers LOGO Programmers
As you can see, there are many types, and formes of leeches, the
Supreme Leech is the highest rank amung the leech society, and no matter
how you look at it, a LOGO Programmer is the lowest life form that could
ever live. Several years ago, that place used to be "Analog Computer
Owners", but they were over taken by the "LOGO Programmers".
You can measure a leeches "Lechosity Factor" in equations. These
equations work on any example of a leech, these equations can be also
applied to Assholes.
Letters typed per minute
------------------------------- = Molarity
Spelling mistakes per paragraph
Times it says "FUCK" in insult letters
--------------------------------------- = Ignorance Quotient
Times it uses multiple "!" after a verb
Times it uses "U" for "you" per paragraph
------------------------------------------ = Grey Cell Count
Times it uses "4" for "for" per paragraph
Leeches have their own type of linguistics, telling each other they
are better then the other. And to not "MESS" with them, or they shall
"KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!!!!". For example, their numbering system:
I = 1
][ = 2
// or ]I[ = 3
IV = 4
From then "IV" on, they use normal Arabic numerals, or even invent
their own ways of numbering, such as "FV"=5, "SX"=6, and "ATE"=8.
Leeches also have their own types of sayings like:
K-K00L - Refering to how much they like somthing, like "K-K00L WAREZ!"
WAREZ - Refering to their new software games
2 - Refering to the word "TWO", "TO", and "TOO"
4 - Refering to the word "FOR" or "FOUR", but they will usually use "IV"
L8TR - Telling the person that they will see him at a later date
C00L - A mellow leech, who has'nt cought onto the saying "K-K00L" yet
RAD - Refering to how interesting, or neat somthing is, like "RAD-WAREZ"
HACKZ - Refering to the latest MCI access codes, because they used theirs up
KRACK - Somthing they can't do, however, they say they can, that is DOS BOSS
DUDEZ - Refering to the plural form of "DUDE", which means no god damn thing!
"!!!!" - Expressing an action. Like "FUCK U!!!!!!!". No less then five "!"'s
Leeches have been known to tie their sayings together, like
"K-K00L RAD WAREZ!!!!!", this ties four of thier sayings together at once.
That is yet another way they show off their rank in th society, in the never
ending struggle to become "Supreme Leech".
Where do leeches come from? They come pretty much from Connecticut,
New York, and New Jersey. With New York, and Connecticut being the worst
of all areas for "Leech" infestation. I am not saying all people from
those areas are leeches, most of the best BBS' are located in New York.
This does not mean they are confined to these areas. Leeches are a wide
spread species, and come from all over the US, even from Montana.
The leeches will always cause such things as:
Making the local Greene Machine TRS-80 BBS be busy from 3:30 PM to 10:30
PM. Why? Because thats the time when they get home from school, and the
time they go to bed with their Teddy Bear, and play "Smack Dong".
Making the AE lines busy. They make the AE lines busy, they call when
they get home, they call from school, they call in the morning, they call
Friday nights, they call on the weekends (24 Hours a day). They call from
the dead of night to get one thing "K-K00L WAREZ". Never uploading.
Making MCI extenders busy 24 hours a day. Especially when they get home
from school, they get some milk and cookies, and start phreaking local calls
to the Net-Works II hangout.
You can find these little guys on all Net-Works II BBS systems. No
T-Net systems, because they can't handle 100 lines, and 80 columns to
post messages with. I personally can say "ALL" Net-Works II BBS systems.
Some might be worse then others, but all have them.
How can you find one? You can find them by going to the Trading board,
and look for such titles as "NEW WAEZ!!!", "*APPLE TRADE*", or
"<*> C00L N-WAREZ <*>". Once you locate such a title, read the bulletin,
you will see somthing like this:
BULLETIN #69
TITLE: /---APPLE TRADEZ--/
POSTED BY: LORD SAURON
DATE POSTED : 1225885
ANY OF U DUDEZ WANT 2 TRADE 4 SOME
C00L NEW WAREZ? I HAVE SEVEREL NEW
ONEZ:
RESCUE RAIDERS
KARATEKA
PIT-STOP ][
NEWSROOM <-- OK
SPACE SHUTTLE
ARCHON ][
I AM GETTING SOME NEW 1'Z SOON, FROM
MY FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA. SO LOOK 4
MORE SOON.
LEAVE E-MAIL 2:
F) LORD
L) SAURON
P.S.- DOES ANYONE HAVE DUNG BEATLES
YET?
L8TR
/-------LORD SAURON------/
ELECTORO ELITE
PRES. OF MAP
What gives this man (If I could be so descript) away from the start?
First, "Lord Sauron", sounds like some ruler from Europe during the 13th
century. First line, he uses the words "YOU" as "U", and "TO" as "2",
and "4" for "FOR". His then uses "0" for "O" in the second sentence, in
describing how cold his new software is. He uses the term "WAREZ" in
meaning software diskettes. Misspells "SEVERAL" as "SEVEREL", then
uses a "Z" for a "S" in "ONES". Then lists out all of his "C00L NEW WAREZ"
in a well organized list, and makes a comment about one. Then Lord Sauron
uses "1'Z" for the word "ONES", trying to fool us with his quick wit. As
always, he will go into how he has connections in California. If every
leech I have seen use this message actually has a relative in Califoria,
California would be one huge leech pile. Lord Sauron then
tells us what his first and last name is, as if we can not split it
our selves. (Notice he does this every place he goes, even T-Net systems,
where you don't have to split a person's name. Assuming all BBS' are
run on Net-Works II, where you have to split names). He then blows all
of us away with "Does any one have dung beatles?", because that was
released in what? 1979?. Lord Sauron again shows us his quick wit, in
combining numbers with letters, and says "L8TR", meaning of course "LATER",
in refering to a future act. Now our old Lord Sauron is getting tired
of typing, he has been going at it for atleast 25 minutes now. He signs
off, using text graphics, and telling us two associations he belongs too.
"Electoro Elite", and "President of MAP".
What goes on in this poor fellows mind. Does he think we actually
care what group, if any, he belongs to? Does he think we will kiss his
feet, because he uses (as the leeches say) "K-K00L T-GRAPHS" when signing
all of his letters? Lord Sauron is definately a "Net-Works II Rat", he
seperates his name into two words for you, he types in all UPPER case, and
has a logic seaker built in that tells him, when he hits 40 columns, he has
to hit carriage return, or he will not see his typing.
Lord Sauron made a total of 22 errors in his message for traders. And
22 is a small number, compared to the Suprem Leeches. Who can wing about
30 or 40 errors in a message.
On the other hand, leeches don't always post, they just read. These
are the wimpy leeches, and the real mental midgets of the leech society.
Then comes the stupid shit leech, who wonders why he can't download
the latest "K-K00L WARE" from a CAT-SEND line, using Smartcom 1, and a
Hayes Micro Modem IIe.
Of course, we have smart leeches, who read books like, "The Third
Rich", and "Websters Dictionary". The smart ones always back up such
software as Dung Beatles.
We have the scum variety of leeches who think that is they get enough
dirt on them, they can look like an India, and take a magic marker to their
fore-head, and put a black mark. So they can really look like an Indian.
We have the Mole variety of leeches, who are afraid of people's
dogs, cat, birds, and fish.
We have the nervous, and jerky leeches, who will be so tense, that
if somthing goes wrong, their heads will split in half!
The society of leeches is an never ending story. We have so many
types of leeches. Some day these little guys will grow up, and run our
nation. Take Walter Mondale for instance, if he was a computer user,
would he be considered a leeaH~bUEkeA8KMit in another way,
does a cow shit in a field?
I leave you on two very famous quotes from Supreme Leeches:
"Who is on Milliways? I bet it's a leech!!! He Yuk..He Yuk..He Yuk..."
"Don't call us, we will call you!"
I would personally like to thank [><] for some help, and
The Vigilante for his input, however small it may have been, I am
still thankfull.
"Remember that guy at the party?" - MIO
Look for more Milliways
productions, from your friends at
The Restaurant at the End of
the Universe!
(609)-921-1994
Mister IOO -No Leeches!-
-----------
The "Leech" Killer
Kill Leeches on Contact!
------------------------
The Leech Killer
(n)o copyright!, 1985
Leech Burners Inc.
-MIO-
(>
[Time: 01]
Less than 5 minutes left
Miscell eeeeee
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