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-=THE COMPLEAT COMPUTER NERD DICTIONARY=-
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-=By The Quartz=-
(C) 1985 DEGPUG TEXT FILES
REVISION 2.0 - OCTOBER
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CALL THE HAUNTED HOUSE 415-941-7256
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INTRODUCTION: I am not a computer nerd and neither are you. We
rarley see many computer nerds on the cool bbs's and if we
do maybe they're checking out the 'programming boards'
and using their real names. But there is a much
broader character to which that a computer nerd really is. A
computer nerd has as much character for a text file,
as shall we say, Matt Ackeret. Thats why this file was
written. To explore the nature of those ultra-nerds
who would make the guys in Reveng of the Nerds look like
the Fonz. We're not putting down this group of people, we're
merly making a statement about society. So lets get on with
the dictionary, shall we?
APPLE - n. A computer company the computer nerd frequently
calls to see if "Steve's around." Also the makers
of a computer by the same name.
AWESOME - exc. A frequnetly over used word in conjunction
with the word girl [an AWESOME girl] or an
computer [an AWESOME computer]
ASSWIPE - n. Those super-jocks who trip and tease a computer
nerd at school. Although he has little control
over these social delemas, often when talking
in the presense of his friends, a computer nerd
will refer to a 'jock' as an 'asswipe.'
BITCH(1) - n. The latest pretty, blonde, voluptous girl cheerleader
that turned a computer nerd down when he asked
her for a date. This was the one that took him
two years to get enought courage to ask her.
BITCH(2) - v. What a computer nerd's mom is when she
makes him wear his bike helmet to school
especially when she follows him to school to make
sure it's securly fastined onto his head.
BRA - n. Something which serves no purpose other than
that you take it off during sex [that is if you
CAN get it off.]
BREAST(1) - n. Something a computer nerd is always looking
at but can never get.
BREAST(2) - n. Something a computer nerd could make
bigger to impress all the cheerleaders but
he took ADVANCED 80126 PROGRAMMING instead
of weight training.
BREAST ENLARGMENT - what most of the girls in the school
have to impress and delight the football players
BUMPTER STICKER - n. If a computer nerd had one of these
it would say something like, 'I'd Rather Be
Using Turbo Pascal' or 'Have you Hugged your
6502 today?' or 'Steve Woz is really a hacker.'
CALCULATOR -n. What a computer nerd is thankful for
because without them he'd be using
a slide ruler.
CIRCUIT - n. What a computer nerd do without this
piece of machinery?
CHIP - n. Not refering to one of Nestle's.
CHOICE - exc. A frequently over used word such
the same meaning as AWESOME but
not used in the sense of a 'choice girl.'
[A choice computer, a choice program]
COMMODORE - n. The best computer company - makers of such
classics as the COMMADORE PET [the computer
a computer nerd first learned to program on]
and the VIC-20.
COMPUTER - n. Man's greatest achievment besides that
of calculator watches
COPY - v. What a computer nerd must let the
pretty cheerleader that sits next to him
do when she forgot to do her homework.
CUTE - adj. What you hope that pretty blonde cheerleader
in your biology class is thinking you are right
now.
CRAP - exc. An excalmatory word a computer nerd
uses to express supreme despair. Usually used after
he get's a 'computer out of memory error'
when he just finished typing in that big program
from COMPUTE magazine.
DANCE - n. A school event which caused more humiliation to the
computer nerd than spirit week only it happens
every month. A computer nerd goes anyways.
DIGITIZER - n. A computer device used to copy Playboy centerfolds.
This is so that a computer nerd can get off using
the latest high tech equipment.
DISK - n. A computer nerd's pride and joy
DITCH - v. What a computer nerd's friends did to him that
last time they went t.p.ing
DOPE(1) - n. A word refering to a computer nerd's little brother when
he accidently gets a booger caught in the
the shift key so it no longer works.
DOPE(2) - n. Something a computer nerd's father would never
let him try.
ELECTRONICS -n. The art of knowning how to make blue boxes, red
boxes and how to make a light turn on across
the room to impress your friends.
FINE -adj. When he's walking around campus, most of the
upperclassman girls are this way to a computer nerd.
FOOTBALL - n. What happens every Friday to further mangle
a computer nerd's social life. The dumbest
invension besides 8 1/2 inch disks because
you can't carry an 8 1/2 disk in your backpack
to the library.
FRESHMAN -n. The worst school year a computer nerd ever had
FRATERNITY - n. A group of guys in college who drink achohol
whistle at girls, smoke marijuana and other
cool things a computer nerd would never be caught
doing
GEEK - n. Like a computer nerd but more of a nerd who
thinks he's cool.
HACKER - n. A computer nerd's hero. Someone who
programs and makes money like Steve Jobs.
HELL - n. The place where a computer nerd tells that
super jock in his class to go to.
IBM - n. That captalistic computer company.
JOCK - n. Any asswipe who's on the Varsity football team
KICK - n. What a computer nerd vous to do after somone
trips him. Usually used in conjuction with
'ass' - [kick ASS]
LIKE - v. Refering to the computer nerd crush
on a girl in the sixth grade [I liked...]
LOVE - v. What the computer nerd was dreamed he made
to the prettiest girl in school.
LUNCH - n. That precious time a computer nerd has between
4th and 5th period when he can work on his
program or discuss the latest issue of Byte
with the computer teacher.
MACHO - adj. How all cheerleaders like their guys [accord.
to compu-nerd] [ANT. See Sensitive]
MASTURBATE - v. Something a computer nerd's parents told
him not to do because he might grow
hair on his plams.
MODEM - n. What a computer nerd rarely has time for because of tight
prgramming. Usually when he's on it, instead of calling
the 'in' bbs's he calls RBBS and RCP/M to discuss technical
stuff with adult computer nerds.
MOTHER(1) - n. a computer nerd's conceiver.
MOTHER(2) - adj, n. Refereing to a jock who tripped the computer
nerd the other day - used in conjunction
with the word FUCKER. [motherfucker]
NERD -n. Those guys in Revenge of the Nerds who act funny
and laugh weird but in the end get pussy.
NERDETTE -n. That butt-ugly girl who follows the computer nerd
around and stares at him during class. Though
he is flattered because someone actually pays attention
to him, he formally rejects her because her chest
is probably concave.
NEXUS - n. A bbs software the computer nerd uses because
'networks is too hard to modify.' Otherwise
a computer nerd would rather write his own software.
ORIENTED - adj. A word describing the kind of bbs a computer nerd runs
usually refering to something technical. 'A
bbs oriented towards CP/M and LISP'
PHONE -n. A computer nerd has a separte one of these -
one for Data, One for Voice calls and one so
Dad can ring on the intercom when its time
for supper.
PROGRAM -n. What a computer nerd would rather be doing
than crusing girls, or other normal 'teenage' things
RAD -exc. An exclamatory word which is the most
over used word in a computer nerd's vocabulary. Although
many other people use this word, a computer nerd
will undoubtobly use the word 'rad' as much
as a Valley-Girl uses 'like.'
RALLEY -n That time when all the people who go to the football
games get together and say stupid up-with-school-spirit
cheers.
REVENGE - v. A computer nerd dreams of this but never
has time to do get around to planning it - he's
to busy working on his latest program.
RUBBER - n. A piece of rubber material used to prevent
mini-computer nerd's from appearing although
this event is unlikely to occur.
SENSITIVE - adj. What all cheerleaders secretly would like thier
guys to be. [accord. to Dear Abby]
SEX - v. The thing in which computer nerd's tell their
computer nerd friends they had. [i had SEX]
SLIDE RULE - n. Something a computer nerd's dad carried around
in the olden days in place of a calucaltor
SPIRIT WEEK - n. An attrocious waste of time where it's supposedly
funny to dress up and act like the nerd. However, he never
sees this put-down since he's in the computer center
during all of Spirit Week anyway. Why bother?
STONER - n. Those guys who still listen to Led Zeppelin.
TEXT FILE -n. A computer nerd would rather be programming
than writing one of these but if he does have
time to write text files, it usualyl in the form
of some sexual fantasy.
ULTRA-RAD - exc. An excalmatory remark used by computer nerd's
to describe the computer faire they just went to.
VIXEN - n. A voluptuous girl at school who's reportedly
had sex with have the guys in the school yet
secretly winks at the computer nerd.
ZIPPER - n. What a computer nerd forgets to zip after he
goes to the bathroom, causing major embarrassment.
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FOR QUESTIONS, COMMETS, ETC concering this dictionary or if you want
to add some of your own words, contact me, THE QUARTZ on the HAUNTED
HOUSE at 415-941-7256. Send E-MAIL.
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