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Guide to Computer Language
BIT: A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's
computer cost quite a bit."
BOOT: What your friends give you because you spend too much
time bragging about your computer skills.
BUG: What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green
computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: what
computer magazine companies do to you after they get
your name on their mailing list.
CHIPS: The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat
to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.
COPY: What you have to do during school tests because you
spend too much time at the computer and not enough
time studying.
CURSOR: What you turn into when you can't get your computer to
perform, as in "You $#$%&@#$ computer!"
DISK: What goes out in your back after bending over a
computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
DUMP: The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after
you install your computer.
ERROR: What you made the first time you walked into a computer
showroom to "just look."
EXPANSION UNIT: The new room you have to build on to your home to
house your computer and all its peripherals.
FILE: What your secretary can now do to her nails six and
a half hours a day, now that the computer does her
day's work in 30 minutes.
FLOPPY: The condition of a constant computer user's stomach
due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food.
(see "Chips").
HARDWARE: Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy
equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting
your computer.
IBM: The kind of missile your family members and friends
would like to drop on your computer so you'll pay
attention to them again.
MENU: What you'll never see again after buying a computer
because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.
MONITOR: Often thought to be a word associated with computers,
this word actually refers to those obnoxious kids who
always want to see your hall pass at school.
PROGRAMS: Those things you used to look at on your television
before you hooked your computer up to it.
RAM: What you do to the side of your computer when it's
not working properly.
RETURN: What lots of people do with their computers after
only a week and a half.
TERMINAL: A place where you can find buses, trains and really
good deals on hot computers.
WINDOW: What you heave the computer out of after you
accidentally erase a program that took you three days
to set up.
VUARNET INT'L: A BBS in Boston specializing in text philes, message
bases, and home of the naked Co-Ed BBS team.
-/Vuarnet International/-
617/527.oo91
24oo-16.8k HST/V32bis