💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › COMPUTER › olympics92-winter captured on 2022-06-12 at 09:21:15.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
From samba!concert!gatech!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:34:33 EST 1992
Article: 49000 of talk.bizarre
Xref: samba news.groups:39045 alt.flame:36766 talk.bizarre:49000 news.admin.policy:586 rec.music.synth:31830 rec.music.makers.synth:69 rec.humor:57848
Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
Path: samba!concert!gatech!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
Subject: =0= Prologue. '92 Usenet Winter Olympics.
Message-ID: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Followup-To: rec.humor
Summary: "Prologue" is not a computer language
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 08:35:17 GMT
Lines: 71
Status: O
Gene:
>Okay, let's get down to business. The 115th meeting of the USENET
>Backbone Cabal is hereby called to order, President-for-Life
>Spafford presiding. Our first order of business is the size of
>the net: It's *still* growing out of control, with new newsgroups
>popping up like rabbits, and the number of people reading netnews
>is going up way too fast.
Dave:
>The average IQ of the net readership is dropping like a stone.
>Most of these newbies don't even have Computer Science degrees,
>and some of them are even [shudder] Liberal Arts majors. At this
>rate, brethren, people like ourselves -- the elite, the brilliant,
>the vanguard of the New World Order -- could become outnumbered
>and lose control of the net.
[A collective moan echoes around the table.]
Peter:
>So far all of our efforts to drive away the riff-raff have been
>unsuccessful. I've got news.groups bent into contortions trying
>to rewrite the Guidelines -- which we still control, of course --
>and so far nobody's caught on. But it hasn't slowed the number of
>new groups being created.
Brad:
>I've been making rec.humor.funny more and more uninteresting, and
>posting jokes that only a CS professor would understand, much less
>laugh about. But the number of readers keeps going up. I don't
>know what else to do: How can we drive people away from the net?
Gene:
>Last year's noble sacrifice by Brother Kent bought us time, but
>it was far from enough to rectify our situation -- and it left us
>with a vacancy on the Cabal. [Nods to the Cabal's fifth member,
>who is lost in thought and does not respond] We must take action,
>and it must be soon.
Dave:
>Chaos. The net will fall apart; complete chaos in a matter of
>years, maybe even months. None of this would have happened if we
>hadn't broken up AT&T, Peter.
Peter:
>Don't start blaming me again. YOU're the one who deregulated
>cable TV, and I'm not even going to bring up Ross Perot --
Gene:
>Gentlemen, this is getting us nowhere. We need a plan, something
>that will send the rabble packing and put USENET back in the hands
>of the ruling class, of the kind of people who designed it. Ah,
>for the good old days, when we ruled the net with an iron fist...
[A collective wistful sigh echoes around the table.]
Rich Kulawiec: [snaps fingers]
>Gentlemen, I have it. I've developed a cunning plan, one that
>will drive the newbies away from the net AND reduce the number of
>readble newsgroups at the same time. And, best of all, we'll use
>the Guidelines to make it work!
Gene:
>Brilliant! Nefarious! Rich, you've made a fine addition to the
>Backbone Cabal. Do you have a particular newsgroup in mind as you
>start putting your plan into effect? [rubs hands together]
Rich:
>I know *just* where to begin.
[Fade to black, and to the sound of evil laughter...]
From samba!concert!rutgers!att-out!cbnewsd!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:37:41 EST 1992
Article: 49107 of talk.bizarre
Xref: samba news.groups:39223 alt.flame:36822 talk.bizarre:49107 news.admin.policy:605 rec.music.synth:31866 rec.music.makers.synth:94 rec.humor:57948
Path: samba!concert!rutgers!att-out!cbnewsd!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
Subject: =1= The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
Summary: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Guidelines
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
Message-ID: <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Date: 14 Nov 92 07:22:12 GMT
References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
Lines: 159
Status: O
\\
//// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
(____)
\ /
||
||
\\ || \\ || \\ || \\
//// || //// || //// || ////
The 1992 Usenet (____) (____) (____) (____)
W I N T E R \ / \ / \ / \ /
Olympics \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
//// || //// || //// || //// ||
(____) (____) (____) (____)
\ / \ / \ / \ /
\\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
//// || //// || //// || //// ||
(____) (____) (____) (____)
\ / \ / \ / \ /
\\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
//// || //// || //// || //// ||
(____) (____) (____) (____)
\ / \ / \ / \ /
\\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
//// || //// || //// || //// ||
(____) (____) (____) (____) Brought to you by
\ / \ / \ / \ / the Betty Ford clinic
|| \\ || \\ || \\ || for chronic net.abusers
|| //// || //// || //// ||
Bryant:
>Hello sports fans and welcome to the '92 Usenet Winter Olympics!
>This is Bryant Gumbel here at USPN headquarters, where we've put
>together one of the most exciting telecasts in Usenet Olympic
>history -- featuring our new AsbestosCam (TM), a special camera
>that lets you see the action as the athletes themselves see it!
>And as a special treat we also have our EgoCam (TM), which lets
>you see the athletes as they see themselves!
>Our coverage begins with one of the most thrilling spectator
>sports in the entire Usenet Olympics, one that puts 32 athletes
>on the playing field at the same time, and doesn't end until
>there's only one athlete remaining! Stay tuned...
"HEY! You can't move
in that direction! *
It's against the rules!" O
"Yeah? So |__| \ -+-
what are you || O |
gonna do ||.............-+-....................../ \......
about it?" .(__)//// //// | //// //// //// (_) ///.
\ o.//// //// / \ //// //// //// .
-+- //// //// //// o //// //// ////.
.| // //// //// //-+- //// /|__| .
./ \ //// // o //// | // //// || //.
.//// //// -+- / /// / \ //// // || .
. //// //// | //// //// //// (__).
.//// //// // \ //// //// //// .
..................................................
C H E S S
The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
Charles Jaco: [asleep]
>Hmph? Oh! Hello, sports fans, and welcome to USPN's exclusive
>coverage of the 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics. We're here at the
>exciting Chess competition, where things have bogged down while
>the players try to settle a rules dispute. Let's go down to the
>playing field and see how things are going...
Chip Salzenberg: [Red Knight]
>-- but paragraph 416 of the Guidelines says that no newsgroup will
>be renamed on a Friday, which means that the 100-vote rule doesn't
>apply unless the CFV is issued on a Saturday, so that the five day
>waiting period doesn't contain a Friday. But there's a full moon
>this weekend, so --
Dave Hayes: [Black King]
>Wait, hold it: I can't find my copy of paragraph 416.
Tim Pierce: [Red Queen]
>That's too bad; you can't expect the entire net to stop what it's
>doing and wait while you get your act together. The Guidelines
>were followed to the letter, and that's what's important here.
Gordon Van Huizen: [Black Bishop]
>I could care less about the Guidelines. What's important is the
>opinion of rec.music.synth's readership, not some silly rules.
Jay Maynard: [Red Pope]
>Blasphemy! The Guidelines are much more important that you are!
Francis Uy: [Pink Elephant]
>Woe! This terrible renaming has prevented one person from reading
>the rec.music.synth group! The connection to SYNTH-L will be
>lost, lost forever! The horror!
Bill Fenner: [Scarlet Pumpernickel]
>Oh, GIVE it a rest. If the readers of rec.music.synth cared about
>these things, they would have learned what "CFV" stands for, read
>halfway through an article with a misleading Subject line, and
>mailed in a vote against the change. They didn't do this, so
>obviously they choose to be ignorant of the USENET voting process.
Dave Hayes: [Pearl Jam]
>Are you NUTS? No one in their right mind would know to do that!
John Stanley: [Indigo Girls]
>*I* would have known.
Joel Furr: [Red Hot Chili Peppers]
>*I* would have known.
Dave Hayes: [Toad the Wet Sprocket]
>See?
Laird Nelson: [The Replacements]
>Dave, you're being unreasonable. Before posting, reading or even
>subscribing to a newsgroup, every person on the net should read
>and memorize the Guidelines, just like we have. It's only fair.
Dave Hayes: [Peter Gabriel]
>You can't be serious. You people are trying to turn the net into
>a world of haves and have-nots, where the people who know the
>Guidelines run the network and the ignorant are beaten down --
Chip Salzenberg: [Mojo Nixon]
>Oh, stop being so melodramatic. We're just browbeating you into
>conformity, that's all...
Charles Jaco: [yawning]
>As you can see, Bryant, the competition is running a little slow.
>We may have better luck tomorrow. Then again, maybe not.
Bryant:
>Charles, I'm surprised this game doesn't have a referee of some
>kind. Wouldn't it help in settling disputes like these?
Charles:
>Bryant, this is a highly intellectual game, and the players all
>pride themselves on being able to work out the intricate rules
>and trip each other up on minor technical points. If there were
>an unbiased third party involved in these disputes, it would take
>a lot of the fun and excitement out of the competition.
Bryant:
>I see. Well, thanks for the update, Charles. Stay tuned to USPN
>for more coverage as the Usenet Winter Olympics continue!
Don Pardo:
>Coming up next: The Bogus Analogy competition!
[stay tuned!]
From samba!concert!rutgers!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:39:49 EST 1992
Article: 49207 of talk.bizarre
Xref: samba news.groups:39383 alt.flame:36835 talk.bizarre:49207 news.admin.policy:620 rec.music.synth:31894 rec.music.makers.synth:110 rec.humor:57986
Path: samba!concert!rutgers!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
Subject: =2= Night of the Usenet Winter Olympics
Summary: It's too dark to see!
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
Message-ID: <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Date: 15 Nov 92 07:24:36 GMT
References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
Lines: 97
Status: O
\\
//// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
(____)
\ /
||
||
.----.
o o o o | -> | "WHAT the -- ?!"
+=_. | | |__ '----' . o
/ / \-------\ \ || x
_____-'|_\_________/_/_____||________ -/ '
.--'' | __
.-' / / o
/ \ \ / o
/ \ \ / o
/ \ \ /
| \ \/\
| \__/
|
|
|
F L A M E S L E D D I N G
The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
Arthur Kent:
>Hello and welcome back to USPN's exclusive coverage of the 1992
>Usenet Winter Olympics. This is Arthur Kent reporting live from
>Sarajevo, where the Flamesledding competition is underway.
>Flamesledding is one of the most dangerous events in the Olympics,
>and this year's competition has been very exciting. Let's take a
>closer look as the news.groups team enters the gate:
Ken Arromdee:
>If everybody else were bobsledding off a cliff, would you?
Karleenus Schwartz Davis:
>Well, of course! I mean -- AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Ken:
>Next! If everybody else were bobsledding off a cliff, would you?
Jesper Lauridsen:
>Umm... I suppose if everybody were doing it, there must be some
>good reason for it, right?
Ken:
>Sure. [ AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ] Next! If everybody else
>were bobsledding off a cliff...
Arthur:
>It looks like we could set a record this year, sports fans. Stay
>tuned as the Olympics continue!
*
[Meanwhile, two men watch the proceedings from a nearby slope...]
Gene:
>Your plan is working flawlessly, Rich. The sysadmins have turned
>against each other, and are trying to enforce the Guidelines where
>they were never meant to apply. In a few days they'll be ready --
>perhaps even eager -- to return to the days of the Backbone Cabal.
Rich:
>Indeed. There's nothing like a little threat to the status quo to
>make people feel insecure, and make them want to force a little
>order and structure onto the net. By the time they realize what
>they've put into place, we'll be in control again.
Gene:
>And then we'll rebuild the net -- in our image. Heh heh heh heh.
>No more rabble-rousing talk.*, soc.* or misc.* groups... just
>comp.*, sci.*, and only those rec.* groups that we approve.
Rich:
>And, of course, with the Cabal making all the decisions, there
>won't be a need for news.* anymore, will there?
Gene:
>Of course, of course. You know, the time is coming soon when I
>will step down as head of the Cabal... and I'm starting to think
>that I may know who my successor will be. Keep up the good work,
>Rich, and you may find yourself in the top spot someday. But
>enough about that now: While we're in Europe we have some Cabal
>business to attend to. Last month's currency crisis was a great
>success, but we need to do something about the Bundesbank...
[to be continued....]
From samba!concert!rock!stanford.edu!agate!spool.mu.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:41:47 EST 1992
Article: 49277 of talk.bizarre
Xref: samba news.groups:39525 alt.flame:36851 talk.bizarre:49277 news.admin.policy:627 rec.music.synth:31921 rec.music.makers.synth:130 rec.humor:58014
Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
Path: samba!concert!rock!stanford.edu!agate!spool.mu.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
Subject: =3= Attack of the Usenet Winter Olympics
Message-ID: <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Followup-To: rec.humor
Summary: Only the spectators survive.
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 06:05:08 GMT
Lines: 53
Status: O
\\
//// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
(____)
\ /
||
||
Vin Scully: | _ _
>Hello again, sports fans! This is | ||| | | |||
>Vin Scully with an update on today's | (||| |==============| |||)
>events in the Usenet Winter Olympics. | ||| | \ O / | |||
> | '-' '__|__' '-'
>The Altlifting competition, after a | |
>fast start by Michael Nolan of the | |
>group alt.humor.oracle (now "rec"), | |
>was marred by tragedy when athlete | / \
>Joel Furr was crushed during an | / \
>attempt to move the alt.folklore.* | / \
>hierarchy. Furr is in critical but |
>stable condition, and is expected to | "Put that DOWN!"
>recover. | o o o
> | o -+-' -+- o -+-
>A subsequent attempt by Mark Brader | -+- | | '-+- |
>of comp.society.folklore to move only | | / \ / \ | / \
>the alt.folklore.computers group also | / \ / \
>met with failure today, leaving Nolan |
>as the only athlete to have succeeded | A L T L I F T I N G
>at this difficult, challenging event. |
|1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
Vin: |============ @ ===========
>Meanwhile, the semifinal round of the |||||||||| o / * ||||||||||
>Hockey competition began today as the ||||||||| -+- -+- |||||||||
>group soc.religion.islam.ahmadiyya |========= | == | ==========
>was flattened 17-0 by news.groups. | / | / \ @__ :
> | \ / :
>When asked for an explanation of the | .__|_o :
>lopsided victory, news.groups team | \ :
>captain G. Wolfe Woodbury told us, | @ :
>"We had the regular ice replaced by | "Where's the
>frozen Holy Water, and while the SRIA | #%$!! PUCK?!" o
>people were standing around arguring | : -+-
>over who would still be able to skate,| : / |
>we scored 17 goals." | @ : @ / \
> | o / :
>News.groups goes on to face the | -+- :
>heavily favored rec.sport.hockey team | | "What puck?"
>in the championships. | / \ :
> |
>Stay tuned to USPN for more updates | H O C K E Y
>and for exclusive coverage of the |
>Downhill Arguing competition, coming |1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
>up right after these messages. |
From samba!concert!gatech!swrinde!cs.utexas.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewse!cbnewsd!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:45:02 EST 1992
Article: 49443 of talk.bizarre
Xref: samba news.groups:39708 alt.flame:36892 talk.bizarre:49443 news.admin.policy:654 rec.music.synth:31974 rec.music.makers.synth:160 rec.humor:58153
Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
Path: samba!concert!gatech!swrinde!cs.utexas.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewse!cbnewsd!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
Subject: =4= Planet of the Usenet Winter Olympics
Message-ID: <1992Nov17.072636.13387@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Followup-To: rec.humor
Summary: A world where metaphors collide and sanity has no meaning
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
References: <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 07:26:36 GMT
Lines: 93
Status: O
\\
//// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
(____)
\ /
||
||
/\ /\ /\ /\ /\
/\ / |_____|\/\ /\/\ / \/\ /\ / \/ \
/ \ /\ / | RFD | \ \ / / \ /\/ \ \ / \/ \ \ /\
/ \/ \/ |-----| \ / .\/ / . \/ \ \/
\ | | \ |-------| /
| | | CFV |
|_______|
| |
| |
\ | | |
\___----''''|
\ announce |
"Oops!" \results |
o \__---'''|
\ -+- \ | "Start over."
\ || \ | o o
\/ \ \ | -+- o -+-
\ | | -+- |
\| / \ | / \
/ \
S L A L O M
The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
Peter Arnett:
>Welcome back to USPN's coverage of the Usenet Winter Olympics!
>Today's broadcast of the Slalom event includes interviews with
>past medal-winners in this thrilling event, including last year's
>rookie sensation from sci.virtual-worlds.apps. But first, let's
>take a look at the history of this unusual sport, which began...
*
Rich:
>I don't understand it! News.groups should be *demanding* a way to
>enforce the Guidelines by now, some way to handle errant sysadmins
>and create a more orderly net -- but there's NOTHING! In fact,
>there are suggestions popping up everywhere to make the Guidelines
>*easier* to read and use!
Gene:
>They don't realize the consequences of simplifying the Guidelines:
>The less intimidating the Guidelines, the more newsgroups created.
>And the more newsgroups created, the more Usenet descends into the
>lawless anarchy it is swiftly becoming. I don't know where you
>found this "Dave Hayes" character -- he's very convincing, by the
>way -- but so far your plan appears to be backfiring.
Rich:
>We need more time! I'll tell Dave to propose a new RFD, one that
>conflicts with the original, and deliberately forces the issue...
Gene:
>You'd better hurry. The Cabal is losing patience. If your plan
>fails -- YOUR plan, which the Cabal has put considerable time and
>effort into backing -- I don't need to spell out the consequences.
Rich:
>I'll do everything I can. There must be something...
*
Peter:
>--next competitor is Mansoor A. Jaffery, from soc.religion.islam.
>It looks like Mansoor is having a little trouble as he makes it
>around the second turn...
Mansoor:
>Post to groups: news.announce.newgroups, news.groups,
> soc.religion.islam, soc.culture.*
>Subject: That's not the CFV! *This* is the CFV!
>Reply-To: /dev/null
[...rumble...]
Peter:
>Mansoor's started an avalanche of angry postings! It's --
[Peter is buried under several thousand tons of snow. After a few
moments, the camera returns to USPN studios.]
Bryant:
>Thanks for that exciting update, Peter! USPN's coverage of the
>Usenet Winter Olympics will continue right after these messages.
From samba!concert!rock!stanford.edu!ames!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 17:26:35 EST 1992
Article: 49578 of talk.bizarre
Xref: samba news.groups:39881 alt.flame:36929 talk.bizarre:49578 news.admin.policy:681 rec.music.synth:32022 rec.music.makers.synth:184 rec.humor:58280
Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
Path: samba!concert!rock!stanford.edu!ames!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
Subject: =5= The Last of the Usenet Winter Olympics
Message-ID: <1992Nov18.073649.23538@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Followup-To: rec.humor
Summary: Not that the competition actually *stops* or anything, but...
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
References: <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov17.072636.13387@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 07:36:49 GMT
Lines: 115
\\
//// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
(____)
\ /
||
||
\\ || \\ || \\ || \\
//// || //// || //// || ////
The 1992 Usenet (____) (____) (____) (____)
W I N T E R \ / \ / \ / \ /
Olympics \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
//// || //// || //// || //// ||
(____) (____) (____) (____)
\ / \ / \ / \ /
\\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
//// || //// || //// || //// ||
(____) (____) (____) (____)
\ / \ / \ / \ /
\\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
//// || //// || //// || //// ||
(____) (____) (____) (____)
\ / \ / \ / \ /
\\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
//// || //// || //// || //// ||
(____) (____) (____) (____)
\ / \ / \ / \ /
|| \\ || \\ || \\ || Closing Ceremonies
|| //// || //// || //// ||
Bryant:
>Once again the Usenet Olympics draw to a close -- the athletes
>burned out, the facilities destroyed -- and we here at USPN give
>you our special thanks for watching with us as we recorded these
>exciting moments in Usenet sporting history. As always, we look
>forward to the next Olympics in Summer 1993, and hope you'll join
>us then for another thrilling spectacle.
>
>We'd like to leave you with this collection of highlights from
>Usenet Olympic history past and present -- a collection of hopes
>and dreams, and moments to remember in net.history. Have a safe
>and flame-free holiday season, and we'll see you in '93.
_______________________________________________
| |
| | | |
The 1992 Usenet | | | | | [ ] |
Winter Olympics | | | | | | o |
| | | | | |--+-- |
| ._-+---__. /| | | |
brought to you | / /| '---' /| | |
by | --. / | / \ |
| 'xx'--' / * / \ |
Scott Forbes | vv-----------------------'--' |
'_______________________________________________'
____________________________________
| .__________. |
| | | | With help from
| | ____ | |
| | ^____^ | |
| '---\\//---' | caffeinated soft drinks
| "Did not!" \\// |
| U U U | sugar frosted cereal
| -+- U -+- U -+- |
| | -+- | -+- | | Music Television
| / \ | / \ | / \ |
| / \ / \ | etc.
'____________________________________'
________________
Inspiration provided by | . o |
Dave Hayes Chip Salzenberg Tim Pierce | x |
Joel Furr Rich Kulawiec Jay Maynard | -/ ' |
Francis Uy Gordon Van Huizen Laird Nelson | | __ |
Bill Fenner Jesper Lauridsen John Stanley | / / o |
Ken Arromdee Karleenus Schwartz Davis | \ \ / o |
Samuel Ko G. Wolfe Woodbury Michael Nolan | \ \ / o |
Mark Brader Gene, Dave, Brad, Peter and Kent | \ \ / |
| \ \/\ |
the _Illuminatus!_ trilogy by Wilson & Shea | \__/ |
'________________'
____________________
| | Producer.....................Robert Redford
| "En garde!" | | Director..........................Spike Lee
| | |
| O) * | Oh, you wanted credits for *this* movie
| --+--' |
| | | Equipment..............Allied Office Supply
| / \ | Catering by..................Domino's Pizza
| -------/ \----| Power provided by.......Commonwealth Edison
| -----------------| Mr. Forbes' wardrobe
'____________________' selected by.....................Gail Stern
____________
| |
The preceding events are fictional, sort of. | |-__-''. |
There is no secret Backbone Cabal trying to gain | | /\ | |
control of the net and drive normal people insane | | ( ) | |
with silly Guidelines and anal-retentive policies | |-__-'' |
written in stone by a committee of lunatics. | | |
| |
| . U . |
I think. | -*- |
| | |
| / \ |
'____________'
"Usenet Winter Olympics" copyright (c) 1992 by Scott Forbes.
All rights reserved. May not be reproduced for profit without
prior consent of the author. Void where prohibited or taxed.