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Were It Not For Computers
by Tim Casady
Ever notice how fellow employees often depend heavily on computers?
Everytime they lose your paycheck or haven't finished the work that
they swore on an electronic Bible they'd have completed a week ago,
they turn to the trusty computer and say, "It's the computer's
fault." This is a foolproof scheme used by fools. They don't even
need to know how to operate the computer. They just have to learn
the fine skills of pointing their index finger at their computer and
blaming it, knowing darned well that the computer will not speak up
in its own defense. This leads one to wonder: what would these same
employees do had computers never been invented?
***
disgruntled employee: It's pay day. What do you mean you can't give
me my paycheck until next week?
payroll officer: We're very sorry, but the waste paper basket deleted
it.
***
angry supervisor: Don't just sit there staring off into space. Get
back to work.
accountant: But I can't do any work right now, sir. My pencil is out
of order.
***
annoyed supervisor: Where are those files I said to put on my desk?
secretary: I can't get at them. The file cabinet is malfunctioning,
and the repairman won't be here until this afternoon.
***
executive manager: You were found making out with secretary in your
office. What do you have to say to yourself?
middle-level manager: Ummmmmmm.... I was down for maintenance? {RAH}
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Tim Casady spends his work days not writing about undocumented
features in software programs. After work, he likes to do some
martial arts. Either it brings him inner peace, or else there is
something innately satisfying about kicking things after working with
computers for eight hours straight. If you feel like just leaving
him alone, then don't contact him at bampf@delphi.com.