💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › COMPUTER › newibm.hum captured on 2022-06-12 at 09:20:38.
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(Baco Raton, Fl) -- Inside sources at Rat's Mouth Industrial Spies, Inc., have
released previously unkown information about the new computer said to be in the
works at big blue. The new machine represents a major deviation from the
traditional Intel CPU.
I-Spy's report concludes that the basis of the new machine will be a
previously unheard of MC68813 microprocessor, a chip so powerful that it is said
to use a 220v power bus, and will come complete with a low-yield nuclear power
plant for portable operation.
In addition to the above features of the 68813, research analysts say that the
new microprocessor will include the ultimate in addressing architecture, with
161 easy to remember addressing modes.
Some of the new opcodes for the 68813 are:
AAC Alter All Commands
AAR Alter At Random
AB Add Backwards
ABBA Play Swedish Rock
ADGB Add Garbage
AFVC Add Finagle's Variable Constant
AIB Attack Innocent Bystander
AWTT Assemble with Tinker Toys
BA Branch and abend
BAC Branch to Alpha Centauri
BAD Bark At Dog
BAF Blow All Fuses
BAH Branch and Hang
BCIL Branch Creating Infinite Loop
BBL Branch and Blow Lightbulb
BDC Break Down and Cry
BDT Burn Down Tree
BF Belch Five
BFEI Beg For Expansion Interface
BLI Branch and Loop Infinite - requires 5 less machine cycles than BCIL
BMUS Beam Me Up, Scotty
BPB Branch on Program Bug
BPO Branch if Power Off
BPM Begin Pirate Mode
BRN Burn SAM chip
BSW Branch on Slightest Whim
BW Branch on Whim
CBNC Close, But No Cigar
CH Create Havoc
CFP Call For Programmer
CFPC Call For Programmer, Collect
CLD Try to Cool Down SAM chip
CMD Create Meaningless Data
CML Compute Meaning of Life
CMS Catch Mouse
CNB Cause Nervous Breakdown
CNP Call National Parts
COLB Crash on Operator's Lunch Break
CPB Create Program Bug
CPM Create Program Manual
CRASH Continue Running After Stop or Halt
CRN Convert to Roman Numerals
CS Crash System
CSD Create Static Discharge
CSL Curse and Swear Loudly
DAO Divide and Overflow
DBZ Divide by Zero
DDC Dally During Calculations
DEVO Start New Wave (Sine)
DMPE Decide to Major in Phys. Ed.
DOC Drive Operator Crazy
DLN Don't Look Now
DPMI Declare Programmer Mentally Incompetent
DPR Destroy Program
DTC Destroy This Command
DTVFL Destroy Third Variable From Left
DW Destroy World
ECO Electrocute Computer Operator
EIAO Execute In Any Order
EIP Erase If Pirated
ENF Emit Noxious Fumes
EP Execute Programmer
ERS Erase Read Only Storage
ETOY Emulate ZX-81
FLI Flash Lights Impressively
FSM Fold, Spindle and Multilate
GCAR Get Correct Answer, Regardless
GDP Grin Defiatly At Programmer
HFA Hire From Atari
HCF Halt and Catch Fire
HFC Hide From Children
HIC Help Intel Chip
IAD Illogical Add
IBM Interrupt Bad Mnemonics
IOR Illogical Or
ISC Insert Sarcastic Comments
JOF Jump on Floor
JOM Jump on Motorola
JOT Jump on Table
JTZ Jump to Twilight Zone
LAP Laugh at Programmer
LPA Lead Programmer Astray
MAZ Multiply Answer by Zero
MDB Multiply and Drop Bits
MW Malfunction Whenever
MWK Multiply Work
MWT Malfunction Without Telling
NOPE Refuse to Do Anything
OCD Open Commode-Dor
OML Obey Murphy's Law
PAS Print and Smear
PEHC Punch Extra Holes in Card
PIP Pulverize Peripheral Interface
PNRP Print Nasty Replies to Programmer
PSD Perform Safety Dance
RA Randomize Answer
RBD Read and Break Disk
RBT Read and Break Tape
RCB Read Commands Backwards
RDA Refuse to Disclose Answer
REST Relax For 25 Cycles
RLI Rotate Left Indefinitely
RPM Read Programmer's Mind
RRSGWSSNK Round and Round She Goes... Where She Stops, No One Knows
RTR Refuse to Run
RTM Return to Motorola
RTT Return to Tandy
RSD Read and Scramble Data
RWD Read and rewind Disk
SAI Skip All Instructions
SCCA Set to Short Circuit on Correct Answer
SFH Set Flags to Half Mast
SFT Stall For Time
SOS Sign Off, Stupid
SRDR Shift Right, Double Rediculous
SRZ Subtract and Reset to Zero
STD Stop Turning Disk
TALK Turn on Speech Synthesis
TARC Take Arithmetic Review Course
TLO Turn Off Indicator Lights
TN Take Nap
TPDH Tell Programmer to Do it Him/Her Self
TPR Tear Paper
TTA Try Try Again
UP Understand Program
WED Write and Erase Data
WOJ Wear Out Joystick
WSWW Work in Strange and Wonderous Ways
XBRA Call Dolly Parton
XIO Execute Invalid OpCode
(Thanks to The Michigan Technic and Color-80 for some of these) and to Wayne
Day of the CoCo SIG for putting it together! Thanks, Wayne, we needed that!
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