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     GENESIS  CORPORATION  -- Producer of the Cosmos' finest Toys, not to 
                              mention your Uncle Harry and flash floods.





Genesis Corporation now presents its Environmental Impact Statement on Nuclear 
Power.  (As opposed to our Asteroid Impact statement on why "Where does a 
Dinosaur sleep?  Anywhere he wants!" doesn't apply to entities with _our_ kind 
of clout!  When we throw stones, we throw BIG ones!)  

Nuclear Power was first patented in 1,359,026 A.B.B. (After Big Bang -- see 
our upcoming report on Phlavored Photons) in a high-density hydrogen cloud 
which shall remain nameless, mainly becasue we never bothered to give it one.  
Most of our nuclear power plants for the last 15 or so billion years have been 
in the form of "stars", none of which have ever been to Hollywood ('tho at 
times, we've considered _sending_ some of them there to "roast" a few actors 
we don't like).  

Environmentalists have complained about the fact that none of these plants 
have containment buildings, but they never stopped to consider just how many 
planets we'd have to strip mine into nothingness just to get the raw materials 
for the job.  Besides, all of our stellar systems are _strictly_ zoned so that 
no residential living is permitted within at least 10,000,000 miles of any 
stars.  This is well outside the normal radiation zone.

Others have expressed concern that we don't have adequate evacuation plans in 
place in the event of an "accident" at one of our facilities."  To this, we 
say tough bananas -- if you're too primitive to see it coming and get out of 
the way, your vaporization is no great loss.  We also wish to point out that 
if some of these reactors _didn't_ go critical once in a while, there wouldn't 
BE any of you carbon-based organisms around to make a fuss in the first place 
(remember, most of your atoms were first synthsized inside one of our 
reactors).  You talk too loud, we'll have a product recall -- such a suntan 
you'll get you wouldn't _believe_! 





Today's Genesis Corporation product spotlight is on just that, Light.  This is 
our first product and by far our most colorful to date.  We have a wide 
spectrum of Phlavored Photons, most of which are invisible to most customers 
and, in fact, go right through them.  

Photons were patented in 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 A.B.B. 
(After Bheer Bhlast) and were based on an old family recipe we'd cooked up 
10^-57 seconds earlier.  We set them out in the universe to cool for a minute 
after baking them, and lo and behold they started changing flavors!  Grandma 
never told us about this feature of them, so we assumed that our discovery of 
this property was a first and promptly applied for patents on each new flavor 
as it arose.  (Grandma filed a patent infringement suit in 10^-36 A.B.B., but 
we had both it and her thrown out of court for acting bitchy before the age of 
29.)  

We're particularly fond of our "Green" phlavor which has been rejected by 
trillions of plants all over the cosmos (for those of you who never passed 
high school physics, the phlavor of photons you see coming from anything is 
the aggregate of all phlavors the thing _didn't_ eat and thus reflected).  

One range of phlavors that has been particularly popular of late is "radio."  
We deduce this from the amount of it spilling out from planets such as Earth, 
where they evidently produce more of it than they can consume and export the 
rest at no charge to neighboring star systems.  We recently discovered the 
catch in this presumed generosity -- they have added "artificial ingredients" 
to their radio, such as "Fibber McGee," "The Shadow" and "American Top 40."  
Test results on these additives are as yet incomplete, but we have exposed 
Sirian Mice to them and the mice have yet to contract cancer.  Mice in the 
constellation Cancer, however, have become nauseous upon ingesting these 
altered radio waves. 





Genesis Corporation, through the magic of Time-Lapse Geology, now brings you 
yet another product report.  Today's special is on "Canyons."

Our report was filmed by a Mr. Wells at one frame per year.  The running time 
of the tape is 684 hours, which is why the movie is free -- we make a 
_fortune_ on our popcorn sales!  As you can see now on this specially-produced 
videotape, we make our canyons by ...

Ah, excuse me Mr. Wells, didn't we instruct you to take your photos at 11 A.m. 
each day, not at 11 P.m. after the pubs closed?  You mean the whole tape was 
shot at 11 p.m.?  Hello, Banishing Department?  I've got a Mr. Wells to go 
"downstairs" on the next Express.  Yes, I'll hold.  OK, you'll get him on the 
11 P.m. special?  Good, I'm _sure_ he'll be free then.  Oh, and arrange to put 
him in the _Frost Class_ section so he'll appreciate the climate change more 
when he de-"planes".  Thanks and Hail, Caesar!

Well, folks, if you'll just bear with us for another few minutes, we'll get 
you today's travelog with all the scenic splendor we promised.  Just let me 
make another phone call or two.  Hello, Production Dept.?  Get me Superman 
(tm) and LucasFilms (tm).  I've got a rush job ...





Today, a secret internal memo from Genesis Corporation was unearthed which 
shows a massive coverup operation has been in effect there for several 
millenia now.  Here's an excerpt from the shocking paper:

"Fossils" were first patented in 4004 B.C. (Before Colliseums), not in 
529,774,109 B.C. (Before Cretaceous) as officially on file.  They were created 
to confuse the humans (created later that week) into thinking that their world 
was older than it really is (even though it really is), despite the false 
propaganda about our company spread by individuals falsely claiming to be 
sales reps of ours that said nothing, even our fossils, could be older than 
that (even though most things are, although our fossils, at least, aren't).  

Fossils are constructed by cloning the remains of long-dead liforms, burying 
them in places where they'll be preserved for at least 6,000 years and 
implanting them with radioactive elements that have been aged in our 
Weinberg cellars for several million years.  This makes them appear to be as 
old as the originals they were cloned from are.  We don't let the originals 
out of our own museums for the humans to pick over, however, since some humans 
use them as soup bones, some treat them like Tinker Toys and try to string 
them together for exhibits and the worst offenders paint them, label them and 
lock them up in glass cabinets.  They make no effort whatsoever to recycle 
them, carve them into coathangers or jai-alai cestas or use them to fend off 
apes wielding more recent animal bones who've been incited to riot by tall, 
black, alien handball courts.

Current plans, also hidden in the secret internal file, call for making 
fossils of the humans themselves for the amusement of future, more advanced 
life forms.  The human remains are to be preserved by coaxing the victims into 
driving into tar pits melted into superhighways all over the planet. 
             
                

            
Ah, fooled you -- you thought that the line of asterisks meant that there was 
another product description coming up here.  Well, not yet.  We have to clean 
our desks off once in a while, too, even if we _do_ work Saturdays.  You'll 
just have to wait until next week for another installment payment (or is that 
installment of our writeups?).  Unless you take the "J" bus down to 53rd St., 
take out a can of Silly String, paint a taxi purple with it and tell the 
driver to take you to King Kounty Kar Wash in Seattle to get it cleaned off by 
your brother Morty for only $59.95.  You're not allowed to tip the driver more 
than 9% or $2700, whichever is less.



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