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>A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys >By Mikki Halpin and Victoria Maat > >So, your crush on the bass player from Vibrating Sandbox has finally died a >whimpering death and you're wondering where to go from here. All the >scenester dudes are either dating a series of interchangeable high-school >riot grrrls in baby doll dresses and an overdose of manic panic, or >permanently shacked up with some bitter old lady who pays all the bills. >Which will it be, a wifely prison or a humiliating one night stand? Into >this void of potential mates comes a man you may not have considered >before, a man of substance, quietude and stability, a cerebral creature >with a culture all his own. In short, a geek. > >* Why Geek Dudes Rule: >* They are generally available. >* Other women will tend not to steal them. >* They can fix things. >* Your parents will love them. >* They're smart. > >Where The Geek Dude Lurks >While they are often into alternative music, geek dudes tend not to go to >shows too often. Instead you'll find them hanging out with their friends, >discussing the latest hardware revolution or perfecting their Bill Gates >impressions. You know how some people wear t-shirts with their favorite >bands >on them, thus showing that they went to certain shows? Well, geek dudes wear > >t-shirts with the logos of different software companies on them, thus >showing >that they are up on the latest, um, releases. A small, though convivial, >rivalry may be detected here amongst the geek dudes. Try wearing one >yourself >and see if he strikes up a conversation. > >Of course the best way to meet a geek dude is through the Internet. All >geeks harbor a secret fantasy about meeting some girl in cyberspace, >carrying on an e-mail romance in which he has the chance to combine an >activity he is comfortable with, computing, with one he is very >uncomfortable with, socializing. To many geek dudes, cyberdating is just an >advanced form of some kind of video game, but they are frustrated by a lack >of players. Their lack is your strength. > >Imprinting > >You might notice that these men harbor some strange ideas about how the >world works and some particularly strange ideas about women. There is a >reason for this. Because they've had limited interpersonal experience, geek >dudes must look elsewhere for behavior models. Lacking a real world social >milieu, geeks often go through a transference stage with such narratives, >and try to model their interactions on them. Thus, certain media images and >themes come to have an overly cathected, metaphorized reality to them, >while the rest of us view such programming as mere entertainment. Case in >point, our next topic.... > >The Trek Factor > >If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or keeping >a geek dude. And I'm not just talking vintage-era Captain Kirk and Spock >either. You've got to be up on your The Next Generation, your Deep Space >Nine, your Babylon 5. Armed with your own knowledge of Federation policies, >you can better gauge when and how to act. The sexual politics of Star Trek >are pretty blunt: the men run the technology and the ship, and the women >are caretakers (a doctor and a counselor). Note the sexual tensions on the >bridge of the Enterprise: the women, in skin tight uniforms, and with >luxuriant, flowing hair. The men, often balding, and sporting some sort of >permanently attached computer auxiliary. This world metaphorizes the >fantasies of the geek dude, who sees himself in the geeky-but-heroic male >officers and who secretly desires a sexy, smart, Deanna or Bev to come >along and deferentially accept him for who he is. If you are willing to >accept that this is his starting point for reality, you are ready for a >geek relationship. > >Once You've Nabbed Him > >Of course, catching that geek guy is only half the battle. Keeping him by >your side is another story altogether. I was privileged to speak with Miss >Victoria Maat, who not only got herself a geek guy but was also clever >enough to marry him just a few short months ago. She interrupted her >newlywed bliss to give us a few tips on the care and feeding of a geek man: >Geeks are sensitive and caring lovers and husbands. If you can hang with >the techno-lifestyle, they make the best mates. They are the most >attractive people, not flashy or hunky, but the kind who get cuter and more >alluring over time (I told you she was a newlywed). Definitely give geeks a >chance. > >Geek Cuisine > >Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and think >and aren't all that into cooking for themselves. Make sure that your geek >understands that you are not merely a replicator, and provide him with home >cooked food. A batch of chocolate chip cookies will let him know that you >love him. You do have to monitor your geek for weight gain; however, >remember that most of their days are spent sitting and staring at a >monitor. > >Geek Lifestyle > >The geek dude has long work habits and tends to bring his work home with >him. He seems permanently connected to his hard disk. You must at least >appear interested in his work. Generally, a solid understanding of the >computer is a must; if you cannot master this, you should at least be able >to talk the talk. Remember most geeks are anal and they get stressed about >details which appear insignificant. Be understanding, put on your best >Deanna Troi face (see above) and empathize. > >To relax, geeks love to play the latest computer games. Let him play Myst >or Chuck Yeager's Air Combat for hours if he wants to. Act concerned if >he's stuck or has just been ambushed by three MiGs. My geek loves to try to >help people on the Internet who say that they are stuck in Myst. He comes >up with clever riddles instead of directing them point blank. Geeks also >like to go to sci-fi and Japanese animated movies, again, a basically >harmless vent for your man. > >Geek Buddies > >Many geeks extend their work friendships into what they jokingly refer to >as RL (Real Life, also known as "that big room with the ceiling that is >sometimes blue and sometimes black with little lights"). The greatest thing >about your geek's buddies is that you can feel secure in setting them up >with your girlfriends. They may feel awkward around females at first, so >don't overwhelm them. In time they will come out of their shell and realize >that you are into the same things they are. > >Post-It Note > >I thank Victoria for the above advice. I must say that when she read my >draft of the piece, before writing her section, she asked her husband which >one he thought she was more like, Deanna or Beverly. Howard, the devil, >immediately replied that he had always thought Victoria was actually most >like Ensign Ro Laren, a cute character with a slight authority problem who >is always had trouble (this is fairly apt). This exchange is interesting >for several reasons: >* Howard had already thought about who she was most like. >* He could summon up characters from seasons past with ease. >* Victoria actually knew who he meant. > - Folks, I think this marriage will last. > >One Last Thing > >Because they have been so abused and ignored by society, many geeks have >gone underground. You may actually know some and just haven't noticed them. >They often feel resentful, and misunderstood, and it is important to >realize this as you grow closer to them. Don't ever try to force the issue, >or make crazy demands that he choose between his computer and you. >Remember, his computer has been there for him his whole life; you are a new >interloper he hasn't quite grasped yet. > >Geek dudes thrive on mystery and love challenges and intellectual puzzles. >Don't you consider yourself one? Wouldn't you like a little intellectual >stimulation or your own? We thought so. > >Happy Hunting!