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Microsoft Corp. Announces Latest Acquisition:
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PROJECT OLYMPIA
by Rex C. Williams
OLYMPIA (DF) -- Microsoft Corporation purchased the State
of Washington for a reported $256 Billion. Code named "Olympia,"
this seems to be Bill Gates' latest step on his way toward "Total
Integration". Microsoft plans to turn the northwestern State into a
"Virtual State" where all public services and utilities will be
integrated into the Windows operating systems. For example, in order
to call a police officer for help, rather than having to go through
an archaic 911 telephone system, you simply drag the Police icon from
the Emergency Services folder and drag it over to the icon of your
home.
Microsoft promises that ISDN lines will be available throughout the
"Virtual State" to allow for better services via modem. By using a
combination of Microsoft technologies including OLE, MAPI, and TAPI,
a citizen will be able to call for an ambulance (by the same method
as shown above), edit an Excel spreadsheet within a Word document,
download his E-mail, and print a large document all at the same time.
An IBM spokesman was quoted as saying "He [Gates] will never
succeed. We tried to do the same thing with South Florida a few years
ago and it was a terrible disaster." Historically speaking, this
bodes well for Microsoft. IBM and Apple are expected to file a joint
suit against Microsoft.
The State of Oregon was also acquired for beta testing which
is expected to begin the second quarter of next year. Microsoft
promises that the necessary software will be able to run on existing
hardware, but early reports show that one will need a multi-processor
P6 or RISC based machine with 128MB of RAM and at least 3.6GB of free
disk space. When questioned about this an anonymous source from the
company said that even if they aren't able to knock down the system
requirements, "It still shouldn't be a problem as this configuration
will be considered an entry-level machine, if not completely outdated
altogether."
Bill Gates held a separate press conference for the concerned
citizens of the newly acquired state. He declared that the people
had nothing to fear. Registered citizens would be permitted to
re-enter the State for a nominal upgrade fee. Oregon and California
citizens will be offered a slightly higher priced competitive
upgrade, while all other citizens will have to pay full price. Exact
pricing has not yet been set. Microsoft plans to have the project
completed by the first quarter of 1998. But . . . the acquisition
prompted Congress to take actions as well.
(See related story, Washington DC Goes To MS-Washington.)
WASHINGTON DC GOES TO MS-WASHINGTON
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BEGINNING TO ABEND
by Rex C. Williams
WASHINGTON DC (DF) -- With the announcement of Microsoft's
acquisition of the State of Washington -- vice-president Al Gore
shifted his national agenda on the Information Superhighway into
overdrive. Congress announced the formation of the Subcommittee on
Superhighways And All Things Virtual. The subcommittee was given $512
Billion to determine how much the government would be obligated to
spend on the Information Superhighway. Computer industry leaders were
invited to join in the first closed sessions.
The first item on the agenda was the "Look and Feel" of the
road signs. Conservative Republicans proposed that it should stay
in keeping with the signs found on conventional interstates. This
immediately brought objections by representatives from both Novell
and Microsoft. Novell felt that the Blue colorings for the shields
would inevitably be linked to IBM and would therefor give them an
unfair advantage.
Novell suggested red for its easy readability. The matter was
passed on to the Securities and Exchange Commission for further
review. Microsoft objected to the even numbered numbering scheme
from coast-to-coast citing their own regrettable misfortunes with
even numbers. Neither issue is expected to be resolved before
Congress convenes for Spring Break.
{DREAM}
Copyright 1995 Rex C. Williams, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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Rex C. Williams is a Full-time Desktop Publishing Coordinator. He has
previously worked as a Programmer/Analyst/Database Developer. In his
spare time he operates the EPiTOME BBS from a secret location in
Savannah, Georgia. He may be reached by E-Mail at The EPiTOME BBS
(912) 234-1181, or by Snail Mail, 154-B Buckhalter Road, Savannah, GA
31405. Home Phone: (912) 236-4105 (rarely home) Work: (912) 927-1181
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