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From john@synsys.UUCP Fri Jun 9 05:30:05 1989
Flags: 000000000001
Path: molokai!milano!cs.utexas.edu!inebriae!looking!funny-request
From: john@synsys.UUCP (John C. Rossmann)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: ncm(1) - humorous man page for new coffee maker
Keywords: computer, chuckle, original
Message-ID: <3499@looking.on.ca>
Date: 9 Jun 89 10:30:05 GMT
Sender: funny@looking.on.ca
Lines: 83
Approved: funny@looking.on.ca
Reply-Path: uunet!synsys!john
The author's name is Cary O'Brien of Addamax Corp., Rockville, MD.
I hope you enjoy it as much as we all did.
John Rossmann (uunet!synsys!john)
NCM(1) (Essential Fluids) NCM(1)
NAME
ncm - new coffee maker
SYNOPSIS
ncm [ -RadCxmlnogrtucpFbqisf ] [caf|decaf|columbian]
DESCRIPTION
For each available heating unit, ncm determines if coffee
exists, is hot, and is not tar(4). If any of these are
true, the necessary actions are taken to change the
situation as required, or as specified by the environment
variable BURNERS. ncp then gathers the necessary material
and proceeds. The -M option makes coffee in the morning.
The drinkinfo(4) database is used to determine the blend and
the amount of caffeine, based on the environment variables
DRINK, TZ, and the current time. If this information cannot
be obtained, full strength Maxwell House is assumed.
The ncm command has many, many more than the following
options, not all of which are currently supported. Some may
never be supported. We are really busy here, and we will
try to get around to it as soon as possible, but Doc is
breathing down my neck to get something else done, so you
will just have to be patient!:
-R Recursively make coffee until all resources are
exhausted.
-a Generate aroma only.
-l The same as -n except slower.
-d Brew decaf. Will not operate before 10:30 am.
-n The same as -l
-j Use Jamaica Blue Mountain primo special. This can only
be executed by coffeadmin.
-r Reverse the order of brewing to get newest first or
oldest first as appropriate.
-v Execute the vgrind(1) program before proceeding for a
fresher brew.
EXAMPLES
ncp -ldm NOW!
Make lots of coffee now!
FILES
/etc/grinder
/etc/filter
SEE ALSO
tee(1), coke(1), sync(1).
NOTES
The ncm command may be used as a filter.
For more information see the "Making Good Coffee" section of
Chapter 10 of the Kitchen Administrator's Guide.
BUGS
Ick. I hope not.
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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