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I have almost forgotten what it was like to live in my mentally ill housing for so many years… The main reasons I stayed there for so long were because I was afraid I would not manage on my own and I was afraid to make changes and also because I was comforted that I have at least one friend there like Danny.
Anyone who rents an apartment with partners/roommates can probably identify with the fact that you fall for partners from hell but I'm talking here about "sheltered (protected housing) housing for the mentally ill" which is the worse…
Danny once told me that our sheltered housing roommates are lovely people if you do not live with them but meet them and sit with them over a cup of coffee in some cafe - then they really make an impression of angels and good people but when you live with them or people 24/7 together In sheltered housing for the mentally ill you will also be exposed to all their shit…
I had partners who extorted money from me because they were addicted to gambling -
I had partners who came into my room and stole things from me (watches, money, food, etc.) -
I had partners who cursed me with racist curses and poured water on the entrance to my room so I will slip and fall and break my head -
I had partners who played with their meds and every six months - every year and a half they would go into a manic/psychotic attack and become dangerous to themselves and others and violent and became nervous and scary until they were taken to the hospital -
I had partners who treated me so badly they really hated me and did everything to make my life bitter and give me a feeling that I was not wanted there -
These are just the tip of the iceberg from the hell I went through in my 15 years in sheltered housing and I do not wish them on anyone…
In the end, I asked my parents for help and together with the staff that accompanies me I received permission to move to my own housing without partners or roommates I moved when I already understood that I no longer have anything to lose it could not be worse…
I say there is no substitute for the peace and quiet and privacy you get when you live alone in your own apartment and I bless it every day and hour for No one will get into your veins or turn worlds to make your life worse and take out he’s shit on you…
When I look at the 15 years I have been in sheltered housing for the mentally ill I actually realize these were 15 years of mental abuse in which I was trapped solely because I was afraid to be alone…
Today I am less afraid to be alone but I am sorry for the years that were wasted and will never come back - years in which if I had the intellect I could have built my life instead I start from almost zero at 40 plus…