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So, what now? (CW: see top of post)

Posted on Friday May 28, 2021

CONTENT WARNING: This post discusses mental health, childhood abuse and trauma, and the healthcare system

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For a while now I've suspected I might have ADHD. I had a consultation with a psychologist who informed me that I very well might. She wasn't able to formally diagnose me, however, and referred me to a psychiatrist for a formal evaluation.

I've been waiting for a month for this evaluation, which took place during an hour-long video call yesterday afternoon.

Cue lengthy questionaires, after which I was informed of the following:

Apparently time-blindness is a myth
My tendency to hyper-fixate on things to the point that I ignore my body's physical needs is "a feature" of my personality, and I should make the most of it
My forgetfulness and inability to prioritize tasks throughout the day is due to not getting enough sleep
Being unable to "read the room" and feeling like I'm constantly saying things that are inappropriate is totally normal and also somehow probably due to my having been physically abused as a child
My lack of interest in my schooling in spite of constantly being reminded of my supposed intelligence was also the result of trauma

Apparently all I need is therapy and a full night's sleep. It's not like I haven't been dealing only being half of a functioning adult for half of my life. He might as well have suggested I take a Motrin.

I should not have told him that I was abused as a child. It feels like he latched onto that and used it to justify hand-waving away all of this shit I deal with on a daily basis.

Way to go encouraging me to never talk about my abuse with anyone again, dude. I am well aware that my conflict aversion and emotional outbursts as a child are rooted in my trauma. I can see your degree is paying for itself.

I feel so cheated and misunderstood.

- panda-roux -

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