💾 Archived View for tilde.pink › ~maria › log › 2022-05-21_wrong_assumptions.gmi captured on 2022-06-11 at 20:51:44. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content

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wrong assumptions

i identify as someone outside the gender binary. or around it. maybe a litte bit within. the fuck do i know...

i'm not too forward about this, but i am in therapy to fix my balance in life. to become content with the person i see in the mirror. and as it turns out, also to come to terms with my past that subconsciously coerces me into certain behaviour.

balance is not an easy thing to achieve when you constantly feel betrayed and wronged by society, culture and the people around you. they restrict you, control you, push you and influence you. your head tells you that. there is no way out. there is no way out.

eventually depression sneaks up, all thoughts circle around the same thing. everyone else is at fault, there is nothing i can do, i have no way out. if only....

i was someone else

i was somehow different

i was born not myself

then, yes then! then it would be easier to be, do, think, live the way you wish.

of course it's a lie you tell yourself. for the most part. no one restricts you, controls you, pushes you, influences you in the way your mind tells you. some of it are wrong assumptions. most of it are a way to avoid being bold and courageous. not that after you're bold and courageous you never come to a point where it's no longer perception, i am not saying everything can be a wrong assumption.

in my case, much of it is. it's fear. it's indoctrinated behaviour. it's broken spirits.

to pick yourself up and make a decision is one of the hardest things i have done in my life. i need to repeat it every single day until the cycle is broken. and then there is a way out.