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???? ?????? ? PiZZA UNDERGROUND DiGEST VOLUME 3 iSSUE 05 EPiC 22 ? ?????? ????
???? ?????? ? Serving the modem people for a very berry long time. ? ?????? ????
???? ? ???? ? This issue composed mainly by: Baphomet the *.* ? ? ???? ????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
"I thought I was a llama, I swear!"
????? ??????????? ????? [1]
?? ?? ?? ?? ? ????? ??? ?????????
??????????????????? ?????????????????????? ? ?????? ?? ? ??? ???? ?
? Issues? Where o' where have they gone. ???????? ?? ?? ??????????????????
? ??????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????? ??????
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
????Remember the good ol' days when PUDs used to come out faster than one ??
?? ?could tell how lame a VBBS board was? Well I do. Well guess what? They ??
????don't any more. Yep that's right they don't do it anymore. Why? Well I ??
????am a really lazy person and well No Courier is too. So what does that ??
????mean? Nothing. In fact this opening thingee means nothing at all. Nope ??
????not a thing, that's right, just a waste of bytes and time. ??????????????
???? ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
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? Mail, Oh Mail, Oh MY!
This issue is nothing more than a clearing house for stuff that
really needs to be distrubted[Or whatever]. I have decided that
even though I have nothing to post off in this issue I should
finish it just for the sake of all of this mail and stuff.
? Mail from Brett Salyer.
Ooops, guess I shouldn't have started with his real name. Damn there
goes all the wonderment now... Here is a little example of being a
nice congienial user.
4/6 Email
Title: Get A Life.
Date: Wed May 05, 1993 16:22:37 (0 days old)
Origin: Unknown System (Unknown) [?]
From: Baphomet the limbo king #78 @0 VirtualNET
To: brett #13 @0 VirtualNET
Hey, I am the SysOp of The File Dimension, I have to WORDS for you
FUCK YOU! You are so cool.. Oh "He is a Lamer"!! (Oh Gosh don't scare me),
your worse than Mr. Brownstone. I have alot of private users on my BBS
and they enjoy calling it, your just pissed probably becuase you cant get
on it. So if you want to act like a DAMN 2 Year Old go ahead..
The Gate Keeper
[Reply]
Oh FUCK YOU!
Wow that is really original. SO did you or your mommy come up with
that one? I could care less about your fucking board, obvious by
my non-attempts to even look at the number cross-eyed. I am just
SO FUCKING sick of hearing about a PRIVATE bbs. Maybe you need to
learn some english. Private. That means SHUT the fuck up about it.
I bet they enjoy calling your little fag-hodge-podge, let me guess
VBBS board? Was I right? Are you just upset because silentnet died
so hard? Or it just the fact that you suck... I bet you even have
an EliTe WaReZ section don't you? God you suck. Yes I mean all of
this personally. The gate keeper? So your the one I give that 2bucks
to before I fuck your mom? Oh BTW all flaming intended. Your welcome.
Afterthought...
As shown by the message above, I can be quit, well, er um,
less than congenial at times. If I have ever been this way
to you let me take this fine oppotunity to say, well, I
MEANT EVERY DAMN word of it. Your welcome, no really...
? Mail from some mysterious WWIV user.
This message came from the 'Ghost in the Machine' echo where I have
been arguing for viri writers and the inability of a virus to do
some physical damage to your machine.
Biff And Lola #49 @5922
Thu May 06 10:57:04 1993
Regarding:Not good? Viri? Huh?
Status :No Reply Requested
I really wish you'd shut up.
You're just about as lame as a Cramp. Stop flaming other users in public,
and act your age.
Well now! I have been called a lot of things but NEVER and I mean never
has one called me 'lame as a Cramp'. Flaming users in public? Me? Oh
come come everyone knows how congenial I am. You just ask people for
some proof about hardware damaging viri and they tend to get all kinds
of upset.
? Hymie? Mail, why of course!
This isn't all of the mail from Hymie, just a sampling hell if I
included more of his mail we would have to call it the PUD-HYMIE
newsletter and well damn it that would be nice. Notice how there
is a no mail from Digital Saint. I am proud of that. We didn't
want mail from that damn LaMeR anyway.
Hymie #86 @2506
Dear sirs:
I must respectfully decline your offer of 5/8/93. Although it would be
exceedingly nice to say that my daughter is a star of the silver screen, I
must state in no uncertain terms that I do not care for the subject matter.
Somehow, I doubt that the title "Bethy Becomes a Big Girl" is indicative of
a movie I would like for my six year-old to star in. Although it flatters me
to hear that she would share the spotlight with such illustrious names as
Satan's Mutt, Necro, and The Kitten Slayer, I must decline.
With Goofy Grin---
---Hymie
=)
Hymie #86 @2506
Dear Sirs:
I would like to take this moment to thank you for picking my daughter
up from kindergarten after school yesterday. It was quite nice of you.
However, you forgot to take her home. Although her mother and I appreciate
the free time, we would greatly appreciate the immediate return of our
daughter.
With Respectfully Goofy Grin---
---Hymie
=)
Hymie #86 @2506
Dear Sirs:
We would like to inform you that we are pleased that you have decided
to return our daughter. However, the terms put forth by you are not
acceptable. Rather than have our daughter returned one piece at a time, we
would very much like to have her returned all in one piece, all at one time.
We hope this is not an inconvenience to you and your parties.
With Sincerely Goofy Grin---
---Hymie
=)
Hymie #86 @2506
Dear Sirs:
We have discovered that our daughter is *not* the only heir to the
Williamson estate. In fact, she is not due to inherit anything. Due to this
recent turn of events, we have decided to forsake all claims to our daughter.
In short, you can have her and do anthing you want to do to her. She enjoys
bed-time reading material. As her new guardians, I highly recommend that you
read to her O' Henry's "The Ransom of Big Red Chief"
With Goofy Grin---
---Hymie
=)
? Lost Mail!
If you happened to send in mail and don't see it here[HINT HINT
CROSS]. That means I lost it. Please get in touch with me so I can
post your mail here and degr...I mean compliment you in the right
place, the only place that really cares about you, PUD. We're like
your family, except we don't feed you, clothe you, give you money,
or care about you. Other than exactly the same.
? Look a block!
See the title line, first character.
? Exclamation!
Wow! Is it obvious that I just logged off of a WILDCAT! board?! I
hope it isn't! Boy! Would that be bad!
? [MaF] ASCii!!!!
???
???????????????
? ?????????????
???????????????? Entitled: The Colours of Man.
?????????? ???
???? ????
??? ????
?? ????
? Windoze, oh said Bill when I hit him in the nose.[2]
I hate Bill Gates. I hate everything about him. But most of all?
What do I hate about him most of all? Basic. That's right that fine
programming language that continues to be pushed on the young and
computer ignorant as some sort of a miracle. What is it good for?
Not teaching. Surely not programming, I mean all you have to do is
look at some of it's fine WaReZ. Look at VBBS. I rest my case.
? Random Acts of Cruelty.
Yep you hear about them all the time but you wonder who does them.
Who could do all those mean and just low things? Well I will tell
you it is PUD. We claim all responsability for EVERYTHING. I'm so
sorry I didn't put that bolt back right on the shuttle, I'm sorry
that bomb went off, I'm sorry for the VBBS board that is about to
go down. I'm just sorry.
? Who am I?
Do people call you by your handle in public? They do me. I am not
sure if it is a curse or not, but the words ,'Hey Baph.' Now make
me turn me head. Thank god no one calls me Phreakazoid or any of
my other really stupid-asinine names, and GOD FORBID anyone use
my real name, which just happens, conversely to be, FRED. No
releations to fReD tHe HiTmAn of course.
? Mooga, Divinity in the Sea.
Mooga, the waves shine upon your back.
The sky gleams with blue.
I hope one day you understand that,
even though I am not a whale I love you.
Oh mooga, mooga how fine you are,
I kick you, spit on you
despise who you are
but even I love the waters of blue.
The sea was calm as the man stepped out onto the deck.
The skies rumbled with hatred at the ship.
Everyone was running around, the weather was heck.
But across the sea a whale had flown to hunt the man named Bip.
Oh mooga, mooga how divine you are,
I sacrifice my child to you
Tell the tales of my hatred for the bar
of steel that keeps from those waters of blue.
The sky crashed and rumbled as the ship traveled.
The man Bip had come to the end of his time.
But so had I, all trapped in my cell, becoming unraveled.
The ship borne into a thousand pieces as the mime cried.
? DVX.
DesQView-X. Everything windoze should have been but isn't. If you
enjoy the thoughts of running a real GUI that still has power and
speed then run it. Damn it DVX is all kind of swass. Run your
dos programs in virtual screens, run X-Windows stuff, just lie in
the beauty and simplicity of it's modern utilities.
? Preachers of Truth.
Have you seen the 700club lately? You should. It is full of nice
wholesome factual information. Yep nothing is better than a little
700 club to get you laughing in the morning...oh I'm going to hell.
Well damn it. I guess since I am already going, I may as well make
it worthwhile. Anyone have Roland DeQuickBasic FrEaKs Address?
? Places to Pick up Some PUD's.
You may or may not find PUD's at the following locations. There are
others I have been informed of and to tell you the truth I have no
idea what the general readership is, I think it is more than 6.[3]
Boards, notice no numbers get them your lazy self:
Project-X, Caustic Contagion, Cybernetic Violence, Midian, Battle
of Everymore and some other ones I can't remember right now and am
way to damn lazy to look up. Give PUD to all your friends. It's a
bad habit that everyone needs to pick up,
? Ergo.
I begat the sea ergo I am the one that rules all ergo I am the
ruler of you ergo you serve me ergo the sky is mine ergo so are
all of your dreams ergo I am not the orcan man ergo but I still
can ergo finish men delight in the depths of seas ergo they like
to fish ergo I have been accused of using the word ergo to much
ergo I stop.
? More?
Will there EVER be more PUD's? Well seeing how I just quit my
job. Damn I feel so sad. BLahehaehehaee, well anywayz dU0dz I
got some free time now. I think I will spend it lambasting
poor innocent ignorant VBBS sysops. Hey and if all goes well
I will be kicked off of SilentNet by this weekend! YES! Of
course many of you don't understand how difficult this is. I
the master of common language, second only to Be..er..um N0
C0URiER in congeniality will be the worst thing SilentNet has
ever seen, next to the average pathetic moron of a poster.
Hmm let me show you a cut from a common post...
...Oh yhea well I can qote more then you!.....
Stupid Alias
Even Stupidier Catch Phrase.
That type of message is usually proceeded by, oh 20 or 30 qouted
line of pure gibberish. Yep nets are going to save the world! Be
cool and start your own pathetic local net today!
? Sources for Qoutes:
[1] Bloom County. Portney the hedgehog when his true species is
revealed.
[2] Not a real qoute. I just made it up, no really I did.
[3] No really more than 6 people read each issue, hey it may even
be up into the double digits. I guess that means you are all
kind of elite if you read [PuD] d0uDz!
[5] Project-X. No longer being the top poster there, you get reset
at a thousand, the board's name was changed back to Project-X
after a brief two stint as 'Baphomet's got a lot of posts' and
unfortunatly Digital Saint had his alias changed back to Digital
Saint. I thought Pierce the Pokable Pototoe was good.
[9] Notice how I skipped a bunch of numbers. That's called being
creative. Yep I am so original it isn't funny. Ok, ok so I'm a
sad lazy fuck who is to LaMe to change the qoute numbers, yhea
well my dog can flip.[7]
[7] Hey shut-up. It makes sense if you are in the right frame of
mind. Fucked.
[13] No believe it or not, Hymie is an actual real person. Sure he
mistakes gender a lot, steals parts of movie theaters and well
just has a lot of fun at Krystals but other than that he is a
real morbid waste of human flesh.
? MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL
PuD senior editors can always be reached at:
Baphomet the Limbo King 14@2506 WWIVNET
NO COURiER 25@2506 WWIVNET
Or call Project-X[5] and EMAIL us there at (205)-883-0894
Contributing users may be more difficult to find:
Hymie ???????????????????84@2506 WWIVNET[13]
fReD tHe HiTmAn Off at the Cob Cinema 12 waiting on DIG.
The BrAvE LiTtLe ToAsteR Sitting under a street-light.
John McAffee Wondering how come his wife love me more.
G-BUNNY At the Playmor playing Mortal Kombat.
Biscuit and Gravy Lee's chicken hitting on a high haired girl.
Mooga the Whale Currently ranked 3rd in IBF Boxing.
Released on the Date: Tue 05-25-1993
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??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
????????Ending?Qoute??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????? "So could I see your student ID?" [9]????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????