💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › POUPEY › poupey06.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 14:03:26.
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+= poor old ugly pompous electronic yams #6 =+
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G 0 K
********************
<nybar jC and froboy are in the crab car
going to their faviorate feed-bag place. The gold
hawk road caffe. And we DON'T live in london!>
Nybar " I think.. when we get there.. I shall surely
feast, on gok."
jC " What is this... `GOK' you speak of?"
Fro-boy " Tis a traditional klingon dish"
Nybar " Nay, tis a lungfish, think me."
jC " Yeahhh.. whatever."
<they arrive in at the restrauntet.. their quest.. for GOK
begun. Many people gape and stare at them as they walk in.
Those people must be getting to know us. They find a
suitable seat... andddddddddddd SAT there>
Fro-boy "I think the waitresses are getting to know us..
notice how they keep their distance?"
<nybar slyly smiles>
Fro-boy "Yeah.. I'll bet they're in the back.. rightttt
now.. in the kitchen.. having a conference..
drawin straws.. to see which of them was going
to be unlucky enough to servvveeee us"
NewbieWaitress "Any drinks you would like?"
Fro-Boy "I'd like a black and white milkshake.. heavy on
the white"
jC " Isn't that.. racist?"
Nybar " it's racist if he get heavy on the black to"
Fro-boy " Fine.. give me an equality milkshake.. and I'll
drink it in harmony"
Nybar " Ever notice that.. in ebony and ivory.. the guy is
black... and ebony comes first?"
jC " Ahh.. I'll have a strawberry milkshake.. and fries"
Nybar " and IIII will have a choclate malt milk-thingie.
oh.. and I have a question... what.. is .. gok?"
jC " Why the hell do you have to ask that?!?!"
<voice of owner of resteraunt> "Don't answer! and.. this isn't
how all of the customers are!"
Newbie<whispering to hereself> " god I hope so"
Froboy " It's a traditional klingon dish"
Nybar " Wasn't it.. some kinda.. lungfish?"
jC " yeah whatever"
<waitress leaves.. kinda pissed>
Froboy "Huh.. I bet they fixed it so the new waitress
got the job."
Nybar <laughs himself stupid>
jC "UMMMMMMMMMMMMMM FRIESSS!!!!!!@#$@#$"
Nybar " Have you all seen the scene in pulp fiction
where they talk about how no one ever robs
resteraunts?"
jC " Nope"
Nybar " YES YOU HAVE@!@#"
Froboy " Yea.. we have"
Nybar " Well.. I have an idea.. we could enact the
dialoge in that scene loud enough so that
everyone could hear.. then we would use
water pistols to soak everyone! ahh.. then..
we'd drive off reaalllyyy fast in the crab
car"
Froboy " HHAHAHAHAH@#! No..no.. we would do it in a fire
truck!"
Nybar " What about in an ambulance?! haahaa.. or in
a police car! heehee.
Froboy " What does an ambulance have to do with a
firetruck?..oh I see.. the sirens"
Nybar " Heehee.. A word.. starts with f and ends with k"
jC " FIRETRUCK!"
Froboy " MUAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHq24@#$!@$"
Nybar <stares at a guy across from him>
Froboy " Whats so engaging about jC's food?"
Nybar " I'm staring at THAT MAN!@#$"
<nybar points to the guy he was staring at>
jC " ... Why?"
Nybar " Hmm.. to freak him out"
Froboy " <snicker>"
<the waitress comes back with the drinks>
Nybar " WOW! I din't think you'd come back!!"
NewbieWaitress <backs off>
Nybar <eats alot of j0ltCola's fries>
Nybar " Can I have some fries?"
jC <slaps nybar>
Froboy " So.. gentleman.. we ready?"
Nybar " Yeah"
jC <in a loud voice> "Ever notice how no one robs
resteraunts?!"
Nybar <in a louder voice> " Yeah.. why is this?
Froboy <in the loudest voice> " I DUNNO.. BUT IT'S
ABOUT TO CHANGE!"
<nybar jumps up on the table and brandishes his
water pistol>
Nybar " OK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!@! NO ONE MOVE
OR I'LL SQUIRT EVERY FUCKING SINGLE ONE
OF YOU!!$@"
<cool poupey fiction music plays>
======#@$_@#$+!@++!#)!@_#+#@!@)#_+!@)#!+@_#===================
D O U G H N U T
<mewmew and yipyip are riding in a car>
Mew " Do you know what they kall.. a dinosaurs
ass in a forin country?"
Yip " No.. tell me"
Mew " A dinazars poopah!"
Yip " HA1!! dats elete."
Mew " Yeah.. and to you know how they say.. underwear..
in a forin county?"
Yip " Nope man"
Mew " Naga!"
Yip " So.. if I said.. you fuckin' dinazar's wet poopah
thats stuck up his funky old naga.. it would
be offensive?"
Mew " Ha.. maybe"
Yip " Then I better stop saying it!"
Mew " HAHAHA!@#"
Mew " So.. where the hell is this donut shop anyway?"
Yip " FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, I DON'T KNOW!!!!"
Mew " God.. mr. grumpalicous"
Yip " Ah... Loaf O Bread nose"
Mew " Hmm.. did you hear about Paul Bolinni?"
Yip " No.. what about him?"
Mew " Huh.. he gave Shirly a foot massage"
Yip " So what?"
Mew " Shirly is one of Nybar (the god) 's wives!"
Yip " So what happened to our friend Paul?"
Mew " Nybar threw him out a third story window!"
Yip " What?! For giving Shirly a foot massage?!
A foot massage don mean nothin'!
Mew " Hey.. I given a million she cats a million foot
massages .. and every one of em meant something.
We didn't say it.. but I knew it.. she knew it..
Nybar knows it, and now, paul knows it."
Yip " Hey.. I KNOW about foot massagin.. I got my
technique down and everything.. no ticklin..
and a foot massage means nothin! I give my
mother a foot massage!"
Mew " Would you give ME a foot massage?"
Yip " Hey shut up"
Mew " Ahh.. CRAP! We're never going to get there anyway,
I'm takin us home"
Yip " On a totally unrelated but valid topic.. I'm
takin shirly out on a date"
Mew " WHAT? Without nybar's permission!?!?"
Yip " No.. Nybar's gonna be out for the night and he
would like for me to show his bitch, shirly,
a good time. Like if I was takin my best friend
's wife to the movies."
Mew " Yeah.. it's your funeral"
<tires screetch as they reach home>
- - - THE DATE - - -
<YipYip and Shirly are at the CatKillRabbitYums..
Ordering fud to provide sustenace>
Yip " Yeah.. I'd like some Fava beans.. with a
FINEEEEEEE tiyunti.. "
Shirl " And I'll have the 5 dollar milkshake"
<waitress doodles a picture of an airplane
and walks off>
Yip " Woah... the FIVE DOLLAR milkshake!?!?"
Shirl " Yeah.. so..?"
Yip " What the hell kinda milkshake is worth 5
dollars !?!?!~#
Shirl " An expensive one"
Yip " Oh.. of course"
Yip " So.. I heard, down the grapevine.. about you
and paul bolinni.."
Shirl " Does it involve the word that starts with F
and ends in k?"
Yip " Firetruck? ummm.. no"
Shirl " Ok.. tell it"
Yip " Well.. it goes that Nybar.. pushed Paul out of
a third story window .. for giving you a foot
massage"
Shirl " Hah.. thats a lie. When you guys get together you
make up such nonsense.. "
Yip " So what.. really happened?"
Shirl " Well.. we had sex.. then I pushed him out a TENTH
story window"
Yip " Oh.. thats much better"
Shirl " I think I have to freshean up"
Yip " Ok"
<shirl goes to the mens bathroom.. and gets kicked out
. when she sits back down.. food is on the table>
Shirl " Wow.. that was fun.. I saw that guys dick. Hey..
my milkshake is here"
Yip " And..... my.. what did I order.. oh yeah.. my
beans are here."
Yip " Hey... can I see what a 5 dollar milkshake tastes
like?"
Shirl " Knock a republican out"
Yip <Hits a republican over the head... and takes a
sip of the milkshake.. from the same straw
as shirl was drinking from"
Shirl " COOTIES!"
Yip " Oh.. sorry"
Shirl " It.. won't be a problem.."
Shirl <throws away straw and takes a new one>
<silence>
Yip " UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE!!!!"
Shirl " And.. how"
Yip <finished beans> " WELL.. I'M FINISHED MY BEANS"
Shirl <finished milkshake> " And I am finished my shake"
Announcer " And now it's time.. for the famous catslims
dance competition! <music plays> WHO WILL BE
FIRST?!"
Shirl " US"
Yip " Aww.. no"
Shirl " Yes"
Yip " Ok"
Yip <gets funky to the disco beat!>
Shirl <does a deranged version of the charelston>
<shirl and yip arrive home>
Shirl " Is it safe to snort heroin?"
Yip " No"
Shirl <snorts heroin.. and passes out>
Yip " Aww... dang oppisite second. Don'ttt.. die on
me!"
Yip <puts shirl in the car.. and drives towards his
friendly local drug dealer>
Yip <picks up the car fone to inform the drug dealer
that he's coming>
Drugdealer " Hello?"
Yip " Hi.. I'm just calling to tell you I'm bringing
one of nybar's bitches.. who snorted heroin
and passed out.. to come to your place and die..
is that ok by you?"
Drugdealer " Yeah.. thats justtttt what I need right now..
by the way.. I'm being sar.."
Yip " Ok great"
<click>
<theres some skid noises as yipyip pulls up to
the dealers house... runs over 5 of his
cats.. 3 of his dogs.. and his mailbox>
Yip <enters the dealers house.. draggin shirly>
Dealer " Hi yipyip"
Yip " umm.. hi.. anykind of treatment for .. whatever
happened to her?"
Dealer " Yeah. This shot"
<dealer holds up a gun>
Dealer <shoots shirl>
Yip " Hey.. now she's dead! now nybar's gonna kill me!
and you!"
Dealer " Ohh.. and me.. crap"
Yip " Well.. we're shit on toast"
<shirl brushes herself off and gets up>
Shirl " Hey.. I was just kidding"
Yip " haahhahaha"
Shirl " heehee"
Dealer " Not funny"
<yip drives shirl home>
Yip " Ahh.. don't tell nybar about this.. please"
Shirl " Ok.. bye then"
Yip " Aww.. tell me a joke"
Shirl " Ok.. horse walks into a bar.. bartender says..
`Why the long face?!'
<yipyip laughs so hard his bladder explodes>
Yip " OW!"
Shirl " Ok.. bye"
Yip <drives off>
- - - - Doughnut 2 - - -
<Yip Yip and mewmew arrive home.. and start singing real
loud to annoy the neighbors.. then... the fone rings>
Yip " The fone is a-ringin"
Mew " WAIT!!$#@!# I JUST HAD A VISION!!! IT'S THE
DOUGHNUT PEOPLE ON THE LINE!!!"
Yip <answers the fone>
Doughnut people " We have news for you yipyip.. YOUR THE DOUGHNUT
MESSIAH! You must go out again.. and FIND THOSE
DOUGHNUTS!"
Yip " Oh.. I knew it!"
<click>
Yip " Lets ridddddeeeee"
<yipyip and mewmew hop in the car.. and yipyip
puts on a blindfold and starts driving to
the doughnut shop, using his doughnut messiah
instincts>
Mew " ahh.. you just killed 6 MORE pedestrians.. and..
there are 15 police people behind us..."
Yip " Oh so what.. my messiah sense will guide me"
Mew " ahh.. yeah.. speed up"
<the accelerator goes over 140 miles per hr>
Yip " ok.. here we go"
Mew " THERES THE DOUGHNUT SHOP!!! WE MADE IT!!!"
Yip " YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yip <takes off blindfold>
Mew <is so happy he climbs out the window>
<yipyip and mewmew go into the doughnut shop..
but a hell of alot of doughnuts and alot O
.. malk? and they meet there friend.. the white
trash>
Yip " Heyy.. white trash."
Trash " hey.. I'm white trash.. I Don't have a car.. can
I go with you guys?"
Yip " uhh.. yeah"
Trash " Thanks"
<yip yip.. mew mew and white trash climb into the car..
with white trash in the back>
Yip " Hey.. trash.. your white trash right?"
Trash " Yeah.."
<yipyip grabs a 100gallon thing of malk.. and makes white
trash drink it.>
Trash <explodes into a sticky gooey mass>
Mew " AWwww.. craw.. you killed him man!"
Yip " Ahh fuck.. What are the cops gonna do if they see
this crap?! You got any friends close ta here
man?"
Mew " Yeah.. Lawrence.. but I don't think he would
appreciate us just coming in with a big sticky
mass of white trash in our back seat"
Yip " So the hell what.... I'm pullin up at his house"
<tires screetch as yipyip skids through lawrence's
garage door>
Yip (and mew) <get outta the car and are greeted by
lawrence>
Lawry " What the hell is that in your back seat?!?!"
Yip " umm.. the remains of some white trash?"
Lawry " WHAT THE FUCK!?!? DO YOU SEE A SIGN ON MY FRONT
LAWN THAT SAYS DEAD, WHITE TRASH STORAGE?!"
Mew " Yes"
Lawry " How did it look?"
Yip " It looked great"
Lawry " Thats good.... but if my wife comes home..
in 2 hours.. and finds some gansta BOYEESSS
doing alot O gangsta buisness.. she's gonna wanna
take sum pics to hang on the fridge.. so you guys
have to hurry"
Mew " Ok.. I just need to make a few fhone kalls and
we'll be ready to leave"
Lawry " KoolJmoney"
Yip " yeahh.. whatever"
<yipyip goes inside.. drinks some crappy coffee..
vomits on lawrence.. while mewmew calls nybar
(the goD>
Mew " Hello? Nybar?
Nybar " Yeah? is dis mewmew..?
Mew " Yeah. We're in deep shit.. I got a car with
some dead white trash in it....."
Nybar " Oh.. thats bad..."
Mew " I DON'T NEED `OH.. THATS BAD!!' I NEED `YOU DON
NEED TA WORRY YER LARGE DICK.. THE CALVARY IS
ON THE WAY!!!'
Nybar " hey.. shut up man. Don worry yer dick.. the
SQUIRREL is comin"
Yip " Woahh.. the squirrel? I don need be worryin"
Nybar " Whats da address?"
Yip " 271 W DAGhetto"
Nybar " Ok.. thats a one hour trip. the squirrel will
be there pretty fast"
< click>
<1 hour later the squirrel arrives>
Squirrel " Ok.. I'm going to use my magical powers to make
everything allright.. ok.. lets give you
2 some dorky clothes.."
<the squirrel nods his head and dorky clothes
appear on yip-yip and mew-mew>
Squirrel " Lawrence.. how do they look?"
Lawrence " hahah.. they look like a couple of dorks!"
Squirrel " HAHAAH!!! Perfect!"
Squirrel " Now to take care of the car"
<theres a bang and the car turns into a banana"
Yip " But.. how will we get home?"
Squirrel " A.. taxi?"
Yip " Oh ok"
Squirrel " Why don't you boys get some breakfast?"
Yip " Good idea"
Squirrel " Oh.. and one last thing.. take this case.
it contains the answers to all of the universes
problems, and don't open it."
Yip " OK"
<the squirrel nods his head and dissepears.. lawrence
laughs at yip and mew's dorky clothes.. and yip
and mew catch a cab to the gold hawk road
cafe>
- - - - The Golden Kangaroo - - -
<nybar (the god) is talking to a (male) mud wrestler named
butcher about a bout he wants fixed>
Nybar " Skill.. is like wineee.. it tastes good"
Butch " Ok then.. in the fith round.. my behunky behind
goes down"
Nybar " Ok good."
Butch " Bye then"
<cut to the mud wrestling match
Butch <trys to fall.. but lands on the other guy.. killing
him..>
Butch " Whoops.. Nybar's gonna kill me!"
Butch <goes home.. has sex with his bitch.. packs his bags,
and goes to sleep>
<Next morning>
Bitch " I'm going to order a big breakfast and eat like
a goooooood lil piggy."
Butch " You do that.. oh by the way.. I wanna play with
that novelty golden kangaroo we picked up..
... where is it?"
Bitch " Umm.. I forgot it"
Butch " I am not happy about this.. but I didn't TELL you
to get it.. so I am going back to our old place
to get it myself!"
Bitch " Be back soon"
Butch " Shut up"
<butch hops in the car and drives to his old aparment..
walks in.. and makes a pop tart.. then he throws it
out the window..>
Butch <Sees someones gun and picks it up>
Butch " !!!"
<butch opens the bathroom door and shoots pooorrr mewmew
.. then he gets the kangaroo>
<butch is driving home.. and then he see's Nybar *the god*
so he runs into him.. but nybar *the god* is fine>
Nybar " OW!"
Butch " Your fine"
Nybar " Lets fight!"
<nybar beats the crap out of butch for 5 minutes.. and then
butch runs into a hillbilly gunstore.. where farmer zed
and Redneck are beating their young>
Redneck <points his gun at butch and ties him up>
Zed <gets a lucky punch on nybar.. and while he's down,
ties him up>
Redneck <Takes both mewmew and yipyip downstairs.. in chairs
.. HEY! I made a rhym0!>
Redneck "Wait.. I Sense.. within the day.. my eternal
enemy... Yuppie White Trash will die!"
Zed " hoowww to celebrate.. hoowww too celebrate.."
Redneck " I know! Lets get the gimp and rape these 2!"
Zed " Thats SICK!.. lez do it!"
Redneck <calls the gimp> " HEY GIMP!"
Zed " Which one first.. which one first.. "
Nybar <uses his godly powers to make a squeaky..
chipmunk voice say " I, will go first">
Zed " Ok.. nybar goes first
Chipmunkvoice " No! No! BUTCH!"
Redneck <takes nybar to the other room>
Gimp <arrives>
Zed <goes into the other room>
<sounds of sick.. unlawful pleasures come from the
infamous OTHER room>
Gimp <lets butch go for some reason>
Butch <punches gimp out>
Butch <goes in and kills zed and redneck>
Nybar "Thanks. Now I won't have to kill you!"
Butch " Umm.. thats good"
<butch walks off>
- - - THE ANSWER.. TO GOK - -- -
<yipyip and mewmew have arrived at the gold hawk
road cafe.. and they are eatin fud right now>
Yip " I think.. that after my date with Shirly
tonight.. I'll go and.. FIGHT ALIENS.. IN
A FAR OFF GALAXY!"
Mew " Can I come?"
Yip " Sure"
Yip " I wonder whats in that suitcase squirrel gave
us."
jC <yelling> "EVER NOTICE HOW NO ONE ROBS
RESTERAUNTS?!?!"
Nybar <yellin' louder> YEAH, WHY IS THIS?!"
Froboy <yelling loudest>" I DUNNO, BUT IT'S ABOUT TO
CHANGE!"
Mew <goes to the bathroom>
<Nybar jumps on the table>
Nybar " OK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!~~)#!012#
NO ONE MOVE OR I'LL SQUIRT EVERY FUCKING
SINGLE ONE OF YOU!!"
WussyManager " Hey.. no one here wants to get wet!"
jC <squirts manager>
Manager "AKH! you.. got me"
<wussy manager has heart-burn and dies>
jc " GOT EM!"
froboy " OK! I WANT MONEY! GIMMEGIMMEGIMME"
Froboy " j0ltCola.. take their wallets!"
jC <takes some peoples wallets.. and then comes
to yip yip..>
jC " OK! GIMME THAT CASE!!!"
Yip " No.. this case is to important"
jC " Please?"
Yip " ahh.. I'll.. show you whats inside...."
Nybar <jumps over and opens yipyips case>
<inside the case are the letters: G O K
and some sort of lungfish>
Froboy <looks inside the case> " Wow.. a traditional
klingon dish"
Nybar " looks like a lung fish to me.."
jC " LETS GET OUTTA HERE!"
Froboy " YEAH!!@#@!$!@$#!$@@$#"
<nybar, froboy, and jC run to their firetruck.. drive
off, hooting and hollering>
---------------------------------------------------------------------
EPILOUGE
<paul bolinni walks onstage>
"Thank god that's over."
---------------------------------------------------------------------