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     Accel Virus Lab                                                    Issue 1



Well, here we are with the first issue from AVL.  I'm not into "kEwl ANSI" 
art or any of that stupid crap, so don't expect any of it out of my 
publications. Just to introduce who I am and what I do, (seeing as 
how I am just recently coming out into the open on the virus scene) 
I wanted mainly to center this portion of this issue about what it is that 
I do with my time, and who the hell I think I am to be coming out and 
smashing everyone. Hmm... I have been working with computer viruses for 
quite some time (since '93 or '94), and so I have seen the whole virus world 
evolve into the sad shape its into right now.  I never released any code, 
nor "let anything loose" (that I can think of), and I haven't written any
e-zines until now, so that's why nobody's ever seen me around.  I don't 
think I ever really planned on it either.  Until now...
I get on the net to check out what everyone else is doing out there once 
in a while, and to see if anyone has come out with any decent code, or 
ground-breaking ideas.  Well, it upsets me to see what I see, and I'm 
tired of all the worthless code being pumped out lately, and I think that 
alot of scan strings are being wasted on viruses that do the same old 
same old.  Hell, I still see people writing DOS EXE infectors.
The thing that gets me lately is the obscene amount of Macro Viruses that 
are coming out. I guess it's because anybody or their dog can code a 
Macro virus... so naturally everyone and their dog are gonna code them.  
But come on, honestly.  When writers out there actually have some sort of 
talent, it pains me to see them come out with their "weekly special" ...
yes, it's the tOtaLLy AweSome k-RaD Word7 VyruS oF thE weEk... blah 
blah blah blah.  Nothing new, always the same.  I think there are some 
5000 macro viruses that come out per year lately, and they aren't effective 
anyway.  99.9% of them can't even be opened without Word saying "This 
document conatins macros which may contain malicious code" or some stupid
statement (Microsoft is Satan anyways... who else would create a word 
processor that could be entirely driven by VisualBasic... they're just 
looking to cause a medium for infection), so who in their right mind would 
get a document from someone they didn't trust, or know, and then
ignore THAT message?  (of course, you'd be surprised at the people I 
meet every day)

AND WHAT ELSE??  Hmm... what else do I see new on out there in the world 
every day... oh yeah.  Runtime COM infectors.  Beautiful.  Just what we 
needed, more COM infectors... heaven knows there aren't enough of those.  
"This is a cool new virus from *insert dumb-ass name here*, it infects COM 
files using the 'dot dot' method.  No encryption, no stealth techniques, 
and hell, no creative name either."  I understand that a lot of people spend
a long time learning to write a virus in assembler, then once they do, it 
tends to be a simple COM infector.  I also understand the pride and joy 
of creating your very first working virus, but come on, I wouldn't publish 
it on the web and make such a big deal about it bragging about how cool it is.

So what's my point?  My point is, the VX world has gone into the hands of 
those that the founding fathers so passionately hated, the k-RaD puppies.  
Using their stupid extended ASCII characters, alternating lower case and 
CAPITAL letters, saying words like kewl, and other ignorant four letter 
words.  It's gone to hell.  They've learned some basic assembler,
hacked and cracked code, picked up some VisualBasic, and now they try to 
put themselves at the same level as the great ones.  ANYWAY, in this issue, 
and in most of the ones to follow, we're gonna do a "VX WORLD HALL OF SHAME".  
We're gonna go out, find the latest garbage, and trash it.  Sounds like fun, 
eh?  Well, for me it will be.  :)  Also, we'll feature some of the stupidest 
"virii" web sites, and trash on them as well.  If you're like me, and you 
want to get rid of the crap out there, and think it stinks, and are
tired of completely uncreative coding, you're gonna like this.  Sit back, 
and keep hitting that down-arrow key.


VIRII?

Notice I don't say "virii".  What the hell is that anyway?  Virii.  I 
can see the whole cactus-cacti thing, but honestly.  VIRUSES.  That's 
the way it is, and that's the way it will be.  The word virii makes me 
want to fart.  But I digress.......  On to the zine.

     Accel Virus Lab                                    Issue 1, Article 2

Okay people, it's time to bring this issue's hall of shame.  Our spotlight
this time is on the Pinoy Virus Writers, who supposedly are making a little
noise on the underground scene.  I choose this group for my first issue, 
quite frankly, because they were the saddest case of "idiotism" that I 
have seen in a long time.  YAM being the last (see Youngsters Against 
McAfee).
Now, they wouldn't be so bad if they'd just keep their mouths shut (I put
plural MOUTHS because you can't tell if it's a few people, or just one
person trying to make it look that way) and learn to get better, or improve
themselves, or even publish their work and be humble about it, then they
wouldn't make me laugh so much.
What these guys seem to do is, well, let me explain.  They write about
5 or 6 viruses in PASCAL, then threaten to use them to take on the world
with their new order of "Utopian Society".  They have like one or two
viruses in ASSEMBLER, but it looks like ripped code.  Either that, or the
code is so simple, that it would have taken them 2 minutes to do it.
Basically, their huge powerful arsenal for taking the world by storm is
a small collection of overwriting viruses, spawning viruses, and simple
COM appending infectors.  In this issue, I am going to feature outtakes
from their confusing newsletters, samples from their viruses, and snippits
from their leader's web page.  But first, the latter.  Here are some 
interesting clips from an interesting web page.

                        *************************

Here is the "opening monologue" on the home page.  My comments are 
inserted in the "-=" brackets.

"We are the future of the computer age . -= okey...=- We represent freedom ,
not anarchy. -=so damaging hardware and software, and promoting security 
intrusion isn't anarchious?=- We represent equality not racism. -=read their
web page about Philipino Pride=- We are the seeds to be reaped in the 
next millenium. -=huh?=- We live in a virtual world , free from hatred ,
free to speak what we want, free from low life beings the real world holds.
-=sounds like they don't want to deal with the hand God gave them, so they
have some sort of psychological identity and misplacement crisis, they
think they live in the computer=-
We live in what I can call Utopia. -=I wouldn't call the underground Utopia, 
but hey... whatever=-

Since the birth of the computer. So did we. -=i heard the first computer
was invented by Aztecs like 3000 BC.  Man, these guys CAN'T be teenagers
then. :)=- We were always there, denied by the people who didn't understand, 
cannot contain us, envied us. -=uh huh=- So we lived in the underground... 
computer underground. -=and became pasty-faced vegetable computer geeks=-
But we liked it that way. -=if you like it this way, then what's your
problem?=- No longer shall we persecuted, no longer shall we labeled 
criminals, No longer shall we be told what to do ...information will be 
free for everyone, information will be fed to those in need, information 
shall never again be sealed. There will be, No More Secrets ..." -=okay okay,
I agree with the freedom of information thing, but come on=-

NO MORE SECRETS?!?!  Looks like somebody has been watching Sneakers a 
little too much.  And well, if THESE guys are the future of the computer
age, then I'm packing my bags for Mars.  I can just see the net overrun
by a huge band of miscreant teenagers that learned PASCAL in high school,
then went on the rampage.

Okay okay, now here is the section about "Mr. WEBsterz" definition of
the word "LAMER".

Mr. WEBsterz Definition

LAMERS are : pathetic ,inferior dick suckers,mother fucking 
(excuse my French) irritating, stupid, turtle brain, shit eaters, 
blow jobbers , cow f*cking , low life cro-magnons on the net. 

-=interesting how some swear words they bleep, and others they dont...=-

Here's The list !
Richard "I suck Ralf Burger's Dick!" Chu demon666@usa.net Fucking Bragger! 
Die Lamer!Your IP address is : IP: 207.19.255.210 and you try to post another 
message at my boardroom with another name ass hole.I know your IP! 

-=umm... okay, this is productive intelligence at its best.=-

Jerico Veloso A.K.A. Conji "the 1 and a half inch dick" jericov@hotmail.com 

-=wow, you've seen his penis?=-

PardyAnimal26 "Shit All the Way" PardyAnimal26@hotmail.com 
Slink "the Stink" Slink@webquest.com&Slink@cryogen.com 
Slink "the cock sucking Stink" IP Address is:203.168.8.74 & 
203.168.8.84 And he used : Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 4.01; Windows 98) to 
access my page. 
Maligo ka Baklang Pikon !(Take a bath HOMO) 
Az of now Slink "the stink" has claimed defyt bcoz he realiazed he has to 
take a bath :-) 

-=wow, I remember when I was four, and I used to say things like that=-

Az of August 6,98 Slink tried to sign my guestbook several times but He 
doeznt know that i have my screening on so he still keeps on signing it 
without success. He stinks stupid pathetic fool doeznt have anything 
else to do but make himself look like a fool. bobonic lamer bwahahahahha!!! 

-=bobonic lamer?=-

Lloyd "the goat"" R. Villanueva - IP Address:203.168.0.177 ,
Used : Mozilla/3.01Gold (Win95; I) to access my page. 
crazy.Lloyd@hotmail.com Jody516 &qout;Sex Spam&qout;-jody516@hotmail.com - 
Err what do u do when a person send u a spam? Flame him. 
 Greg "MR. I cant Read the requirements " , Gpardy@hotmail.com 
- this is a virii ring not Metallica webring moron! 

-=here we go with the virii thing again.  imbecile.=-

Polaris of OptiChat- Sick Ass a piece of advice ...Get a Life. 
Marlon of AMA Sta Mesa.Die you Green Blooded HOMO ! 
Steven Cools (calls himself ODIN) 
Ruben Huylebroeck 
" You could be the next ..." 

-=ooh, ooh, I hope I can be the next, can I can I?=-



           +------------------------------------------------------------+
           | ^^^^^^^^^^^^          ^^^^^  ^ ^^^^ ^^^^^^^                |
           |             ^^^^^^^^^^        HELP!        ^^^^^^^^^       |
           |      ^^^^^          ^^^^^^ (S)/       ^^^^^     ^^^        |
           |  ^^         ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^"^^                ^^^^^       |
           |        ^^                  ^^^^^^^^  ^  ^^^^^^^^           |
           |  ^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^      ^^           ^^^^^^         ^^^^^^|
           +------------------------------------------------------------+
                                 FIGURE 1.0

         FIG 1.0 Shows Slink "the stink's" head [(S)], after i buried him
      naked to the ground filled with carrots. I let his head to stay up so
      he can breath to show how generous I am. He looks kinda nice there dont
      ya think?!? :)

-=ummm, again....  okeey... err...=-

If you encounter a lamer or know one on the net and you want to include 
it on this list contact me at brianjan@mailcity.com .Give me all info of 
the lamer you got. 


LET'S KEEP THE NET SAFE FROM LAMERS !!! 

-=how about we keep the net free of the sludge that is wannabe virus authors
  and hackers?=-

Disclaimer :

I the author of this page and the other virii including other files and 
making these page possible will not be held accountable for any accidental,
intentional viral infection. -=well, he shouldn't have to worry, seeing
as none of his work will cause any damage anyway=- The software provide 
is on "AS IS" basis. No part of these programs may be altered , without 
the authors consent. Any loses, damages ,financial, informational etc. 
caused by any of these programs is a sole liability of the end user. 
These are made avaiable for educational purposes only. By reading and 
downloading these programs you agree to all these terms.

I made these virii using Turbo Pascal 7.0 so the object code are much 
bigger than using assembly language. -=therefore, creating easily detectable,
non-threatening viruses=- But I used assembler codes inside it since 
Turbo Pascal allows it to speed it up and decrease the length of the 
object code. All of these only infects ".EXE" files ,since it is much 
widely used than ".COM" files. -=and too bad none of them can properly  
infect a portable executable... or hell, maybe the virus might infect a 
popular medium, eh?=-


 NEWBIE ALERT : Dont get any ideas on using my viruses to destroy data. 
Don't be a fu*k@ngLAMER ,you wannabe !
Grow UP! 

-=NEWBIE ALERT : This so called virus author makes crap that isn't even
 worth your time and effort to study or use.  I'd recommend playing with
 MACINTOSH viruses before you got into this kind of worthlessness.=-

Well, you've got a taste of what these guys are all about now.  Just a 
bunch of immature kids, playing with daddy's computer.  Like I said 
before, if these guys would just grow up, study harder, and do some more
research, they might actually put out something worth looking at.  So
far, all I've seen is this garbage, therefore... I've featured them in this
issue.  Maybe they'll wake up and see how stupid they look, and what a 
bad name they are giving to the VX world.

        Accel Virus Lab                                 Issue 1, Number 3 


              ????????     ??         ???     ??             ??
             ???   ????    ???        ???     ???           ???
             ???   ????     ???      ???       ??     ?     ??
             ?????????       ???    ???         ??   ???   ??
             ???              ???  ???           ?? ?   ? ??
             ???                ????              ???   ???

                             -= P.V.W. #1 =-
                      ( Pinoy Virus Writers E-zine )
                          " First Blood " Issue


? Editorial :

           Greetings to all Virus / Worms /Trojan Horses enthusiasts out there.
 This is the first isssue of P.V.W. and I'm proud to say it's 100% Filipino
 made e-zine . Now U might wonder why I made an e-zine. Well it's simple , all
 of the Virus group out there are al European , American Virus groups so I
 decide to form an Asian Virus team .Besides, all these groups are almost out
 of the virus scene like Nuke , VLAD , Phalcom/Skism , and more . We dont have
 any news about them anymore . The purpose is continue the underground scene

 -=they're actually comparing themselves to Phalcon/Skism and VLAD.  they
   actually think they are continuing the work of these groups.  it makes
   me sick.=-

 . Anti-Virus companies are laughing at Virus groups now becoz they dont last
 long . 
 
 -=no, anti-virus companies are laughing at virus groups because of people
   like Pinoy Virus Writers=-

 We must kick those bloodsucking corporate sh_t ass and teach them a
 thing or two .
           Anyway this is just the beggining of many more to come ... "Keep
 the infection alive ! "


 ? Download our files /e-zine at :
   ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
   Http://members.tripod.com/~brianjan
   http://members.xoom.com/Zoom23    (mirror site)


 ? Contact us at :
   ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
   Email : brianjan@mailcity.com
           no_secrets@mailcexcite.com
           zoom23@mailexcite.com

   -=now you know where to send your flames=-



           ???????????????? P.V.W. ISSUE #1 ????????????????????
        Accel Virus Lab                                 Issue 1, Number 4


Look at this crap.  First, its nothing but a spawning runtime virus, but
then he doesn't want us all to see how crappy his coding is, so he
just gives us a UUdecode script.  Go ahead and convert it, and see what
kind of garbage trash these guys are putting out.


? Virus Name : Pinoy Freak virus
? Size :
? Notes : Spawning run-time virus made in Turbo Pascal 7.0 . Infects 2 .EXE files
in the current directory . Spawns the host file with it's .Com companion file.
this is made for the PVW issue no. 2 .
Author : Zoom23


Use UUdecode.com to convert it to an executable :

================== cut here ================

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M````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
-$```*``L`"X```"````
`
end
======================== end here ======================
        Accel Virus Lab                                 Issue 1, Number 5


Again, nothing new, nothing interesting, nothing special, nothing nothing.
Just CRAP.

? Virus Name : A134-95b
? Author : Zoom23
? URL   : Http://members.xoom.com/Zoom23/virii.htm
? Notes : Appending EXE file non-resident run-time virus .
          Infects 2 files in current directory .
? Covert to an executable with UUdecode.com
? If you don't have UUdecode.com you can downloadit from here :

    http://members.xoom.com/Zoom23/uudecode.com
    http://memebers.tripod.com/~brianjan/uudecode

======================= Cut here =============================

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M````````````````````````````````$```*``L`"X```"``T*````````
(````````````
`
end
========================= cut here =========================

        Accel Virus Lab                                 Issue 1, Number 6


Well folks, it looks like we're coming to the end of this issue.  We've
looked at Pinoy Virus Writers, been disgusted by what we've seen, and 
well, I kind of enjoyed writing this.  I think I'm gonna do a lot more.
Certainly we all know that there is enough VX trash out there... and I've
taken it upon my shoulders to taunt and exploit their worthless work.

Next issue, we'll take a look at some of the virus webrings there are out
there, and see what kind of hud we can pick up, okay?  Then, we'll see
if we can find out what the old guys are up to... ie, the old P/S guys,
the VLAD members, and what exactly happened to the Bulgarian scene.  I 
also want to see if I can get some ideas from people on new virus techniques,
and see if anyone has been pondering something groundbreaking and new.
(heavens knows we need it)

If you have any suggestions or have seen anything ridiculous out there
in the virus world, please let me know.  The email address is:

accelvl@hotmail.com

You can e-mail this address for pretty much anything, and I'll get it.
Also, I want to start doing an editorial section, so please mail me any
rants and raves that you may have.

Thanks alot guys, and remember "If it isn't original, it isn't worth your
time."
                        -DrJoder