💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › HOE › hoe-0759.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 12:40:50.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #759
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Some Really Easy Ways
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 To Get Free Sex"
888 888 888 888 888 " by Oscar Meyer Wilde III
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 7/24/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
Are you tired of going through the effort of getting sex? I know,
it's a real pain in the ass. Why bother going through all the acts of
courting a woman, pretending to fall in love, spending tons of your
hard-earned money, and setting aside a great deal of time for one stupid
bitch? You want it and you want it right now. Who can blame you?
Oh, sure, go ahead and assume I'm a pig. I'm not, though. I'm
just trying to inform the world that there are several very real, easy
methods to acquiring free sex.
1) Find The Ugliest And Most Desperate Person You Possibly Can
This is incredibly easy, because the majority of people are really
ugly, and even if they're not ugly, they think they're ugly. If a pretty
person thinks they're ugly, than you can imagine how ugly an ugly person
thinks they are. Ugly.
To quote an old friend of mine, "The ugly bitches are better in
da sack 'cuz dey never be gettin' any, so when dey be gettin' some, it's
hardcore." This guy is now in jail.... that's a coincidence, I think.
2) Get Tanked Up And Go Shirtless To A Gay Bar
No matter how absolutely horrible of a person you are, if you are
drunk and shirtless at a gay bar, you will get sex. Gay people are always
horny, just like ugly people, because they never get any in a world full
of straight people.
3) Go To A Frat Party, Get Drunk, And Act Like An Asshole
Sure, this is a cliche thing to say. Frats suck, yadda yadda, but
my god, we're in 1999 and people are still getting plastered and having
mindless, random sexual encountered in college parties. I'm certainly not
one to put a rain on anyone's parade. In fact, I think this behavior is
probably a gift from the heavens.... an offering, if you will. An offering
of free sex for those who want to exploit it.
4) Ask Your Wife Really Nicely
If you're really hard up, you can always go the default route and
ask your wife for some sex. She'll probably do it, too, if you managed to
not act like a complete jackass and ask very nicely.
5) Get Arrested And Go To Prison
This one is only if you're really desperate. In prison, there's
tons and tons of people that will be willing to give you sex, weather you
like it or not. Obviously you will like it, so it's all good. This
technique might seem like it takes slightly too much time or effort to
My Patented Get-To-Prison-Quick For Some Gay Rape Guide (tm)
============================================================
PICK UP KNIFE.
WALK OUTSIDE.
STAB THE FIRST HUMAN YOU SEE.
GET ARRESTED ON "MURDER" OR "ATTEMPTED MURDER" CHARGE.
IF YOU ARE ASKED ANYTHING OF ANY TYPE, RESPOND WITH:
"I AM GUILTY."
I hope this file helps some of you guys out there see there really
are tons of options for getting easy, free sex. You're welcome.
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #759 - WRITTEN BY: OCMIII - 7/24/99 ]