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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #465 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Urges of Sexual Gratification" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Miasma !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/27/99 !!
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I don't exactly have any form with this thing... it hasn't been
thought out and planned and all that good stuff. It's more of a rant
than anything... but I'm trying to make a statement so I guess it'll
have to do. The subject i'd like to discuss with you all today is that
of urges for sexual gratification.
See, it's 2 days before I go back to college, this being the
second part of my freshman year. I knew college would be this great
force that would direct and change how I felt about myself, others, and
things in general. However, it didn't do this the way I thought it
would. I tend to find myself a respectable young man... I have my own
morals, and years of depression have caused me to be introspective and
highly analytical. I don't smoke, don't really drink, and don't do any
drugs. I'm a good little boy... I used to think that nice guys finish
last. Anyhow, let me get back to the topic.. urges of sexual
gratification.
See. This past semester, I've hooked up with 5 separate females.
Lemme define 'hooked up' since I've found that different parts of the
world consider this different things. To me, hooking up is usually
going at least a little passed kissing. Now, before this little episode
up at college, I had only fooled around with like 2-3 other individuals.
The fact that I fooled around with 5 separate females actually bothers
me.
I used to have very low self-esteem. Was very insecure about my
body, hell.. I wouldn't go swimming in florida because I disliked
taking off my shirt. But now I'm cool with it. Hell, I'm close to
posing nude. Why? Because an attractive female wanted me, physically.
I think that's pretty sick. I was always one who wanted relationships,
you see. I never had a relationship. Something that was on equal terms,
where you saw eye to eye and you enjoyed the company you had. Everything
I did I did because I caused it to happen. Hell, when I was 14 I got my
first kiss because I was thinking "hey, I'm 14.. and I haven't really
kissed a girl yet.. what the fuck?!". So what did I do? I went out..
found a girl that was attracted to me.. and after awhile we kissed.
Didn't mean much. Bleh. This is getting into more of a confession than
an article. Let me try to steer this back to topic once again.
Why is it that we have this urge for sexual gratification? Even
when our conscious minds want a relationship. I see frat parties going
on where females will actually make a job of it to sleep with as many
men as they can that night. Fuck, that's sick. And what about the
guys? Same goal. The whole purpose of frat parties is to have an excuse
to get people under the influence so you can score with as many people as
possible. Sick fucking shit.
Is the instant gratification so powerful that we cannot control
ourselves? And the fact that even instant gratification is received that
we desire more of it... why does this now plague me? I felt I was secure
in this area. I thought it was simple to control this urge to just 'hook
up'.. because we all realize that it doesn't mean anything the next day.
What scares me the most is that I don't see the harm in hooking up.
If its just physical, and both persons participating know this.. then
what is the problem? The answer 'because it doesnt mean anything' just
doesn't do it for me anymore. Now if I don't believe its wrong.. why do
I have this inherit feeling that I shouldn't be doing it.. 'it doesnt
mean anything' .. 'so fucking what' I reply to that. *sigh*... mebbe
this is just a cry for help instead of an article.
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #465, WRITTEN BY: MIASMA - 1/27/99 !!