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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #450 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Obituary for IM2K" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> AIDS !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/18/99 !!
!!========================================================================!!
"i ache. ultimately, in the end you realize that all this going
to happen anyway, so you just lose hope. the internet hype will
explode a jillion times more than it is today, even more people
will hop on "the net." we'll see a whole slew of of
commercialisation, legal battles, and media stores. we can only
pray that ultimatly (sic), after all this change has taken place
that will happen over the next ten years and onward, that the
internet will still be relatively "free." i imagine that i'll
still be along for the ride, as depressing as it is."
- IM2K, dto #002
Ah, long may you live to regret that last statement, IM2K,
because we can all picture you gunned down in the hot San Diego night, or
stabbed into bloody ruins in some abandoned Tijuana alleyway. The method
is, as all specifics, an unimportant thing. To me at least. All that
matters is that you're dead. You never lived on to see everything you
predicted in that piece of prophecy come true. You knew the truth,
though, and your survivors have to live with Prodigy and AOL having full
internet access, and the blight of an ever inflating USENET, where the
static to noise ratio is out of control.
Ah yes, IM2K, though I didn't know you, I mourn you, because from
reading your excellent old school HOE FILE about chat boards, (#74 for
your archivists out there) I understand you. When you write, "I think
it's slowly dawning on me that I'm actually NOT funny and I only amuse
myself," you write for me, and you write for all the other pathetic
gimps out there who spend pointless amounts of time saying stupid
non-sequitors and random strings of nonsense. We get the joke, even if
no one else does.
Other people in HOE have died, Ashtray Heart, for example, but
their losses aren't felt like yours. They weren't there during the
Golden Age of HOE, #51-90, and they weren't part of the genuine magic.
I hear something outside right now, so I'll have to go
investigate it, but when I come back, I'll continue writing this
obituary and memorial to you, IM2K.
[Enter Ghost]
Hor. Look, My Lord, it comes!
AIDS. Oh priets and nuns who enjoy the charity of Heaven, defend us!
Are you carrying good stuff from God or evil stuff from Hell?
Be thy intents good or charitable?
Your shape is mighty strange.
I'll talk to you, man, and I'll call you IM2K
King, HOE writer, American legend. O, answer me!
Don't let me bust a nut in this ignornance, but tell
why your interred bones, hearsed in death
Came out of the grave like zombies in Micahel Jakson's "THriller"
Why the sepulchre has let you free without any narration from
Vince Price. Whay may this mean, that you, nebulous HOE jackass
again in cum stained tshirts and filthy jeans
Returns the moon's shine, making the night real ugly like,
and us mortal folk, Shake in our britches,
With thoughts that normal people shouldn't be having?
Say, why is this? Wherefore? What should we do?
[Ghost beckons AIDS]
Hor. It beckons you to go away with it,
As if it some impartment did desire
to you alone.
Mar. Look with what courteous action
It waves you to a more removed ground
But do not go with it!
Hor. No, by no means!
AIDS. He's gotta talk. Then'll I go with him.
Hor. Do not, my lord!
AIDS. Why should I be scared?
My life isn't worth jack,
and for my soul, it ain't go power over that,
since it's just as immortal as it itself?
It waves me forth again. I'll follow it.
Hor. Don't go! Please! We need you here in HOE!
AIDS. It waves me still.
Go on. I'll follow you.
Mar. You shall not god, my lord.
AIDS. Get your god damned dirty paws off me, ape.
Hor. Be Rul'd. You shall not go.
AIDS. I've got to do it. It is not coincidence that on this
night that I was writing IM2K's obit. his vizage
should appeare to me in such ghastly forms.
Unhand me, gentlemen.
By heaven, I'll make a ghost of him that lets me!
I say away! -- Go on. I'll follow thee.
[Exeunt Ghost and AIDS]
Hor. He waxes desperate with imagintion.
Mar. LEt's follow. 'Tis not fir thus to obey him.
Hor. Have after. To what issue will this come?
Mar. Something is rotten in the scene.
Hor. Heaven will direct it.
Mar. Nay, let's follow him. [EXEUNT]
[Scene V. Warwick. AIDS's back yard. Another part of it.]
[Enter Ghost and AIDS]
AIDS. Where the hell are you taking me? This is only a suburban lot,
you dig? Speak! I'm not going anywhere else!
Ghost. Mark me.
AIDS. I will.
Ghost. My hour is almost come.
When I to sulph'rous and tormenting flames
must render myself up.
AIDS. Shit! Your poor fucking guy!
Ghost. Pity me not, but lend thy serious hearing
to what I shall unfold.
AIDS. I'm gonna listen no matter waht you say, chief.
Ghost. So art thou to astonishment, when thou shalt hear.
AIDS. What?
Ghost. I am IM2K's spirt.
AIDS. I was just writing a HOE file about you...
Ghost. I know. I am doom'd for a certain term to walk the night until
you wrote such a file. By writing it, you have released me,
and I must tell you the truth.
AIDS. Could anyone have written the file or just me?
Ghost. Ah, you wisely introspect. You suspect it now, don't you?
AIDS. I suspect nothing.
Ghost. BUt you just saw ANGELHEART, starring one-time Cosby Kid Lisa
Bonet and Robert DeNiro and Mickey Rourke. Surely the plot was
not wasted on you?
AIDS. I thought it was a trifle underdone. The end came upon me too fast
for a real enjoyment.
Ghost. I AM IM2K! WHEN I SUGGEST YOU EXAMINE SOEMTHING YOU SHALL DO IT!
AIDS. I don't get it.
Ghost. While you have been spending all your time trying to get soybean
to drop her drawers so that you may plunge your invading fingers
into her sticky cunt, I have been rotting in eternal damnation
waiting for you to write this file!
AIDS. Uh... sorry
Ghost. I am here to tell you, before I go into the ether for good, that
you, AIDS, are my reincarnation. The reason you feel such a deep
resonance with HOE #74 is because you wrote it, before you
embraced the painful, bright lights. The Thodol Bardo taught you
well when you were me, and you became you.
AIDS. Why must I know this now?
Ghost. Because it is all preordained! We are like pieces of the
chessboard. Not even good ones, like the queen or the rooks, but
rather bishops or knights, whose movement is encumbered and
limited.
AIDS. You still haven't answered my question. You know, for a dead guy,
you're awful prolix.
Ghost. I can't answered your question. You just need to know. Soon it
be discovered.
AIDS. OK. Cool, can I go back to writing our obituary now?
Ghost. Aye.
AIDS. There's the rub!
!!========================================================================!!
Well, I'm back. Let me say, I was a good guy back then, I was a
funny guy back then. My files were tight and smart and oh so disparaging
towards teh idiots who were invading my precious homeland, once known as
Elsinore, but now called the Internet.
We were all lucky to know me.
THE END.
!!========================================================================!!
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #450, WRITTEN BY AIDS - 1/18/99 !!