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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #392 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Drivel" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> LilNilHil !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/28/98 !!
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Hello. Here's some things I wrote in a mental hospital. You
will enjoy them, oh yes.
-- We don't care what you think
little man, little boy
You squirmings are useless now
Doesn't matter what you say
how you think, little man
We've got all that you'll need.
Your with us, little man
little boy, little fuck.
Chemically coming,
your sickly becoming
now broken yes beaten
you'll follow along.
Your a dog
in a bag
that is hung
from the gallows
in a dead town
on a gone time
anywhere.
-- muffle of his pillow
keeps everything beyond the screaming
of the ten year old next door in silence.
it's summer, and florida,
and two sheets,
and two shirts,
but i shiver.
and her eyes still leak.
he pummels the door open
and lets me know it's my turn
that it's only a business
the business of drugs
hope in pill form.
i walk in, i sit down
i get this, he gives that
there's his money
fucker/fuckee
profit from misery.
my new doctor is my new god
my new doctor is my new love
my new doctor is my new life.
the dangerous
little man.
-- tick-tocking head
right to wrong to stop to go to running
through the street
crowded with these thoughtless thoughts
from thinking machines.
we combat like drunk philosophers
on the eve of doomsday.
Meant to
Endure
Naked in the gutter
Digging through shit
searching for that savior
and this last desperate clutch
at all the lost time.
when you realize
the madmen were often right.
Meant to
Meant to
..exactly.
-- you go for a walk
and you stumble on wherever
looking at the sun
you see it when you close your eyes
but do you think it had once been more
before your birth?
you see them when you open them back up
the rich in their rooms.
and your odd glances at them
seeing if you can permeate money.
-- You can go your way..and.. i can go my way.
I spotted him in between thoughts one day
we didn't talk, we only looked
just keep staring; we decided
and let's not ruin it by getting to know eachother.
because our love is like anarchy
a utopic paradise, yet
fucked.
we think we thought y'know
but you can never tell
you'll never retain your constant flux
you won't hack this
you'll conform
and recede
and we'll all die
and i'll stare.
write fifty books on it
or shut up and enjoy,
like this.
-- Soon it will be quiet.
Another night just like every other one
Sneak outside and light up
Everyone is in bed and asleep
Everyone but me is in bed, and asleep
I get a rush of shame, like i might be keeping a few of them up
Like they can hear my door shut and look out the window to see me
Like my existence is detrimental to some yuppies circadian rythm
Like they think i'm different and hate me because of it
Like their rules don't apply to me
It's all quiet out here though.
Everyone's asleep of course.
There's the newspaper guy with the headlights
There's the thoughts of things people have to do when they wake up
There they are all over the world, waiting for morning
There's me on the gutter, all lit up.
No morning. Soon, in the head, i will be quiet.
-- umbrella
she's like the rain
she stops and falls
she's the silent one in your homeroom
haunting your image as you pass by
her torn up victemless mind
just you, and the mutilated arms
of the girl in your gym class.
Put out her eyes and show her to a field
full of blind men and pits.
They flutter, they stumble,
they fall right in
occaisionally something arrives
to keep her going another week or so
But she's done
shove her in the direction
of whatever's left and bottomless
So that,
like the rain.
She may show you
her swan dive.
-- i don't like this
When drugs are what we know of love
and pain is all that keeps us from failing
what god is there to save us?
when he himself is sad
when satan bathes in nothing
when happiness is that dim light
at the end of a nonexistent tunnel
what'll god do?
what go will do?
so give 'em drugs, keep them quiet
give them what they ask for to survive
but don't tell us you care
alchohol, the blood of god.
the blood of a coward.
-- revely for a dead man
no pills
and no sleep
and no advice
and no hate
you can stop calling me, yes
since you've realized that
i'm not what your looking for
since i've realized that i've made
a fool of myself.
why circle?
dive down the plug-hole.
the only way we'll float
is if we die.
I can't tell if it's bad or good
when your finally defeated
supposedly, like most things,
it just is
But where to go from nowhere?
When your at the full-fledged
bottom.
I can't tell
And i wish i didn't have to try
It's such a nice suprise
when you feel your luck
begin to change.
the bottom leveling out
and everyone calling your name.
the whole worlds attention
fully magnified upon you
such a nice little suprise
The enemies see
what they've been missing
and give you thier apologies
Your friends tell you what they really
deep down
think.
Such a beautiful suprise
but then you realize
it was just another dream.
And can't tell if it's a bad or good thing.
no interaction at all.
and no help
and no hope
and no talent
and no angst
and no pity
and nobody.
-- "I think your problems are very trite."
guiltily home now, i still recollect
i plug in the brain and i reconnect
does it come down to god?
as kids this was all we could remember,
'nobody said life was supposed to be fair'
and why not
why is that so crazy?
to change things, to be human,
i can not imagine a god who could love
and then hate this
as jen's arteries scream for a hit
there aren't any drugs for this one
a tape instead,
of a guy who tells her to calm down.
as mike tries to hang himself with a shoelace in his bathroom
as the new guy is givin three shots and sent somewhere else
as adam is ripped naked from the shower
she yelps a fuck and streaks down the hallway naked
blood streaming out of her eyes.
as i listen and write
yeah i somehow write, fuck the living
as the ten year old skips out the window
as jeremiah is fooled again
as heather is told 'one more week' for the 5th time
what the hell can i write?
everything's already been said in their heads.
i'm refusing to speak for it.
you do them. i hate this.
-- easter.
I finally got the cigarettes. So i wouldn't have to off myself.
But the nicotine always hits you wrong after all the hassle.
I walked past the bum, and he gave me his sad-stained look.
Minutes later i realized i was singing as i walked by.
I sit and watch the cars roll away, and think I must be one of you now.
And in the back of my mind, it's easter.
-- notes from nowhere.
remembering where i am and have been,
as she knocks upon the wall.
As i supposedly get better,
from my sickness,
from it all.
As i plan to plan to think
These thoughts I'm not allowed,
The chemicals, the neurons,
Load your guns and take a bow.
Still she knocks.
As they creep into the mind
And rip me up in shreds.
As they creep into the mind
And rip it up till dead.
As they creep into my mind..
i wonder if it'll make a sound,
when they finally drive me mad.
If i'll be underground,
or live haphazardly sad.
If the knocking ever ceases
If she drives me into pieces
I wonder if this thing still has a voice.
still i wait.
I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING
WHEN YOU KNOCKED UPON MY
WALL MY LIFE MY SOUL I WAITED
HERE AS YOU SUCCEDED AND
RECEDED AND DEFEATED AS YOU
RAN DOWN GOD WITH A BATTLE
AXE AND FOUR NAILS STILL I
LISTENED AND I WAIT FOR THE WIZARD
OF OZ AND CHARIOTS OF FIRE AND
THE SAINTS TO COME THE FUCK ON
IN I WAIT FOR GOD TO SAY HELLO
I WAIT CUZ IT'S ALL I KNOW I'M
WAITING AND WEARY AND WAVING
AS YOU WALK ALONG HOME
STILL I WAITED HERE STILL I WAITED
HERE STILL I WAITED HERE
WHERE'S THE HOPE IN THIS
-- life and death
There are ants
on the sidewalk
which you will step on
but they will fall
in between
the rivets
of your boot.
There's a turtle
on the train tracks
stuck in limbo
dead forver
taken by the sun
to spare the train.
Me and the lizard
who thinks my ashes
are dinner.
A puff of smoke
and he runs.
when all the wrong people
love all the wrong people
there's a hope
for somebody
somewhere.
!!========================================================================!!
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #392 - WRITTEN BY: LILNILHIL - 12/28/98 !!