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 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #327 !!
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !!
  ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "The Crap I Write"                       !!
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> PezMonkey                          !!
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/11/98                                 !!
 !!========================================================================!!

        here are excerpts from my college application essay.  i wrote
 something like 12 total, i think.  these were all used for schools i got
 into, and for the most part was offered scholarships to.  i think that's
 probably an embarrassment to most of the schools, since these essays are
 cheesy out the ass, and just stupid.  though, admittedly, i read a bunch
 of essays on "how to write a good college essay" before i wrote these,
 so these're pretty much copies, except with dumber concepts.  so, uh,
 enjoy.

 for Georgetown:  Me Wanting to Be "Different"
 ==============

        Jerry stripped off his blue jumpsuit and stood nude in the midst
 of the other workers.  The suit was nothing but a burden there in the
 hot work yard.  The sun beat down on his newly exposed body, but soon
 his skin would become tough and accustomed to the rays.  He did not need
 that scratchy wool suit provided for all employees so that they would be
 identical machines of labor.  Jerry knew that perhaps he was being
 foolish by breaking the unwritten law of the ages, but he also knew that
 he was stronger when not hiding behind the bond of the identical worker.

        We as a society are progressing towards an era in which we no
 longer need to hide behind the bond of conformity.  My peers and I are
 the new generation of young people who strive to be tomorrow's leaders.
 We do not need those constricting wool jumpsuits of ages past, for those
 navy suits are only covers for difference; difference that was once
 thought to separate, but instead is beneficial.  Jerry realized that his
 strength lay in his difference - there was no need to hide within the
 bonds of conformity any longer - just as our strength lies in our
 diversity.

 for USC:  Me Showing How Gullible and Cheese-ball I Could Be
 =======

        ". . .So I just put a little cocaine on the end of my cigarette
 and dab it on my gums.  Look, I have to.  I ain't got no teeth.  They
 wouldn't let me have none when I was in that institution in
 Milledgeville. . ."

        As he pulled up his lip to show me his toothless gums, I wondered
 what I had gotten myself into by allowing him to start a conversation
 with me.  I turned back around to face the front of the bus.  Maybe it
 was my own fault that I felt suddenly let down.  I had been gullible
 enough to believe that this senile, loud, crazy old man really could
 have been an Olympic-caliber athlete.

        The moment had held such promise, sharing an experience with
 someone that I would have been proud to say that I met.  Instead, the
 man turned out to be just a person, a person that any one of us could
 one day become.  It was in that moment I realized it matters not how a
 situation may seem; it is what we make of it that counts.  I looked at
 Ralph and smiled.  Even if all I gained from the experience were a few
 stories, I wanted to give Ralph the listening ear for which he was so
 obviously aching.  And perhaps he really had been a gold medal winner.

 for Tufts:  Me Showing What a Pathetic Computer Geek I Am
 =========

        I once heard someone describe the on-line community as a place
 which causes "real life [to become] almost 'blah'," and "People you've
 known for a long time [to] suddenly seem shallow and self centered."  I
 don't find this to be true at all.  Instead, my time on-line has caused
 me to discover new things about myself which I can take back to my
 friends outside of the on-line experience.  Every time I go on-line, I
 can feel my mind open to new ideas and possibilities.  It gives me new
 insights to contribute to class discussions or friendly debates.  The
 on-line community not only gave me a whole new set of friends, but it
 also allowed me to become closer and more involved with the other people
 in my life in an intellectual manner.  I have reaffirmed many of my
 previously held ideas, and gained new ones through people I met on-line.
 I made new discoveries in my beliefs concerning God, religion, politics,
 other nations, and my own morality.  I looked more closely at the
 political candidates as the Presidential elections approached and
 followed my own discoveries and ideas instead of accepting blindly the
 beliefs of my parents.  Also, I learned about many religions besides the
 one present in my home.  I found that many of my friends didn't
 necessarily need to be a part of an organized religion to find faith,
 God, or religious fulfillment.  Their beliefs caused me to want to study
 and read more about other world religions as I decided on the ideology
 that best suited me.  While I have yet to decide where I stand insofar
 as  religion is concerned, when I do decide, it will be with conviction
 and a deeper understanding.

        Perhaps I may never find answers to many of my questions, but the
 friendships I have developed on-line and the people I meet help me to
 realize many thing that I would not have been aware of otherwise.  Sure,
 sometimes I spend my time with my on-line friends just chatting or
 making jokes, but in many ways they have helped me to more fully realize
 who I am.  Though I may never see what any of these people look like or
 meet them in "real-life," many of them are just as valuable and
 beneficial to me as those friends I have known since childhood.

 for Brown, maybe?:  Me Being Fucking Stupid
 =================

        I never put much stock in dreams before, but there was something
 about this one that made it important.  It was prophetic.  Playing it
 safe was the easy route.  "Follow your dreams; take every chance," it
 told me.  I thought then how important it is to always always reach for
 what seems to lie just out of your grasp.  All too often, we only try to
 achieve those things in which we are guaranteed success.  More
 important, however, is to try for what you are unsure of, what is said
 to be too difficult or inaccessible.  If you try to walk on clouds, you
 may tumble.  But if you don't try, then you underestimate the power of
 dreams and the strength of clouds.

 either Brown or Georgetown, or both:  Showing How Dorky & Friendless I Am
 ===================================

        I looked at Scarlett O'Hara, Gone with the Wind's heroine, and
 she reminded me of our innate desire to be friends with "bad" people.
 At some point, we are attracted to people who don't behave as we would,
 but we live vicariously through their deeds.  The qualities that I
 admired in Scarlett and which drew me to her were not necessarily
 characteristics that I would have liked to have for myself, but it was
 fun to be with her.  .  She lived for the moment - threw caution to the
 wind.  Even so, Scarlett had a plan was determined to carry it through
 to the end.  She was often selfish, but she was strong and resolute.  I
 saw what she could accomplish even with the conditions she had to face,
 and I took some of her will with me.

        Some of my closest friends weren't always pretty and fun,
 however.  Piggy, for example, from Lord of the Flies was not attractive,
 but he was kind and intelligent.  He had certain qualities that caused
 me to want to sit and have long conversations with him.  Initially, this
 may have been because I pitied him since he was misunderstood by the
 other boys, but this was not the only reasons that he was my friend.  He
 was an honest, sincere, loyal and trustworthy being, deserving of
 friendship not only from myself, but from the other boys in the novel as
 well.

        for James Madison University:  Me Showing That I Am a Retard
        ============================

        My name is Lindsey, and I am not unique.

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 !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!  #327 - WRITTEN BY: PezMonkey - 12/11/98 !!