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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #294 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "New Teenage Girl Magazine: Girl Vibe" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Quarex !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 11/19/98 !!
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Pages 1-284: Advertisements for the following products
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* "Pretty happy love bunny cutemagic sticker" home pregnancy tests.
* "Make your hair look the same as every other fucking girl's" shampoo
and conditioner.
* "Please disregard my protruding fucking ribcage" dietary supplements.
Preferred by 4 out of 5 goddamn useless bitches.
* "Bloody Fucking Shit" tampons, tested better than Lightdays Longs in
trials of 100 randomly selected marmosets.
* "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" Feminine Napkins.
And many miscellaneous nail polish ads.
Page 285: Table of Contents
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Is Your Cheating Boyfriend Really Worth Dumping pg. 286
If He Has A Hot Ass?
Why You Cannot Get Pregnant If He Cares About You pg. 290
Pictures Of And Interview With Attractive Man Who pg. 296
Will Be Dead And/Or Forgotten In Five Months
Totally Embarassing Stories About Your Period pg. 302
Girl Vibe Presents: Encouraging Story Of Triumph pg. 308
Of Girl Over Troubling Situation Involving Heartache
Quiz: Are You REALLY Into Hal Holbrook? pg. 314
Preview: More Fashions You Would Have To Be A pg. 316
Fucking Idiot To Find Appealing
Girl Vibe Presents: Interview With pg. 320
Extremely Sympathetic Figure
Makeover Monthly: Looking More Plastic pg. 326
Totally Embarassing Stories About Your Period pg. 330
In A Classroom Situation
The Importance Of Being Earnest pg. 334
Ask Charles Darwin pg. 340
A Crude Drawing By A Retarded Girl pg. 346
Girl Vibe Presents: Advertisement Section pg. 348
Next Month's Features Section pg. 84,310
Back Cover: Large Mosaic Of Quarex, Lord Of Flies
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #295 - WRITTEN BY: QUAREX - 11/19/98 !!