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>> "Sleep Deprivation" <<
by -> Sonia
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I found myself unable to sleep lastnight. It was odd for me because
I'm usually such a sleep oriented person. I pondered my mind for answers on
why I could not sleep. I thought and thought. I finally came to the
conclusion that I my mind was fumbling for answers on why I hadn't heard
from my lover, Matthew.
It was a long distance affair and he was suppose to visit me for the
weekend but, friday went by with no word from him, then saturday, then
sunday, and then me weeping from his lack of comunication. It was wensday
now and I still hadn't heard from him. This worried me a bit. I wrote him
email on friday and I never got a response. I don't want to seem like I'm a
nag but this is getting a little rediculous. Part of me misses him greatly
and yet another part of me wishes he wasn't in my life. I fear that I am
falling in love with him.
What scares me is his terrible lack of communication. So I lay in
bed thinking what I should do. I wonder if I should just send him a sweet
card sprayed with my purfume and a picture of me or, just not send him
anything. I decide to wait for him to write me.
Now that I have that decided I feel that I shall sleep well, but that
is not so. I toss and turn and can not sleep at all. I wonder "why?", "why
is this happening to me?" I say to myself. I stare at my netting that
surrounds my bed. I feel like I need to cry but, I can't.
I put on some music to divert my mind. I find that this just
disturbs me more. All the music I listen to reminds me of Matthew. Which
bothers me more.
I shut the cd off and pull the blankets over my head. I try to
sleep. I try to clear my mind. I try to tell myself that I don't need
Matthew. I then think about that fact that everything that is in my room
was once just a dream in someones head. I find this very fascinating but,
it isn't helping me sleep.
My bladder now feels very full and is hinting to me that I need to go
to the bathroom. So with that I open my eyes wide and get out of bed. I go
to the bathroom and swear out loud because there is no toliet paper in the
bathroom. I then run up stairs and get some toliet paper and finish going
to the bathroom in the up stairs bathroom. Then I go back down to my room
and try to go to sleep once again.
This time I get all comfortable in my bed and snuggle in my covers
and find that I am terribly cold. My whole body feels terribly cold. I try
to warm myself up with another comforter which works well. I then realize
why I have had so much trouble sleeping. I was still in my jeans. I laugh
at myself. I feel so stupid. Jeans are so uncomfortable. I've never
really seen the point of them. I myself would rather wear skirts everyday.
So I take off my jeans hop into bed and then I find that I am
comfortable but still I can not sleep. So I decide to try to count the glow
and the dark stars that are on my wall. So I begin to count and then before
I knew it I started to yawn and get rather sleepy.
So I shut my eyes and then all I can see in my mind is, Matthew. So
I scream out "I give up, I am not going to sleep tonight." so I sit up and
pick up a book. I begin to read Isaac Asimov's "The Relativity Of Wrong"
and before I know it I'm fast asleep.
I guess Isaac Asimov's books are good for something.
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #149 -- written by Sonia -- 12/12/97 *