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Following the lead of other supernauts on Paranoia, I decided to keep a
journal of what happened to me the first time I dropped acid.
11-8-95
12:16 A.M.
After much indecision, hand wringing, and mental 'should I, shouldn't
I' games, I decided to dose. I did it in the hallway outside my dorm room.
I was on the way back from the laundry room, having done a favor for my
girlfriend, when I decided, 'fuck it' and dropped. White Blotter, no
design. S and R both said it was good, and they know what they are
talking about.
{Quotes from journal}
'Feeling very excited and nervous, excited because I can't wait to
see what is out there (why does acid take so long to kick in?) and
nervous since I am the only one dropping, and what if I don't *like*
what's out there after all?
'at least it's not cold tonight, N says that the most essential
thing for any hallucinatory experience is a strong pair of boots, a heavy
sweater, and a backpack with water and clean socks. Since he's eaten his
weight in mushrooms, I take his advice and put some things together.
nervousness dissappearing, being replaced by an excited sense of
waiting. I decide to go read FAQ's and trip stories one more time. But
it's like they say, reading about an apple and biting into one are
totally different things.
'I decide to turn the computer on, in case I forget how. {I had
been writing this out by hand}
My mindset-Mild nervousness, very excited about what is to come,
the way
you felt when you were 5 years old and were about to embark on what
seemed like the greatest journey of your life.
12:30 A.M.
I'm trying too hard to feel effects that aren't there yet. Decide to go
check laundry. Put on Pink Floyd. Darkside. T, my girlfriend, is asleep
in bed behind me, as I sit in my chair and scribble like a madman. It
kills me. I light two 18' candles. Still waiting, just waiting.
12:33 A.M.
K came in, and asked me what was going on. I told him I had just dropped
acid. Looking surprised, he told me to get him when it kicked in. {K is
dropping for the first time on Friday.}
12:41 A.M.
Looking at computer screen, became mesmerized by candle reflection.
Perhaps still trying too hard. T's asleep. She needs it. Should be
hitting soon!!!!!!!!!
12:42 A.M.
I am sooo impatient. I want this trip to start, but it's not. (wait...)
12:54 A.M.
Remember T's laundry and see to it. 'us and them' on the cd player.
1:03 A.M.
damn it shoulda kicked in by now. Maybe it was bunk?
1:06 A.M.
Ok...nothing cool has happened yet.
1:11 A.M.
Why am I not feeling anything?
1:17 A.M.
{almost exactly one hour after ingestion}
Realized, after staring at Acid Warp {screen saver} for 6 minutes, that I am
starting to
feel something. Perceptions are definitely askew. I haven't left the
real world, but I feel like I'm being tilted to the plane of reality. I
think I knew too much, read too much, before I took acid. I was full of
so many expectations and desires, that I had created in my mind what it
wold be like, even before I took it. It's like the Zen story about
'emptying your cup'. YOu have to lose all your expectations and
preconceived notions about what it will be like. Well, there is no way to
tell
what it will be like for you. Every individual is different, and so the
reactions to LSD will vary. It's different for everyone.
The world is definitely 'different.' Decide to go check
laundry. Still not dry. Decide to go look for things to do.
1:27 A.M.
Just freaked myself out by staring at my face in the bathroom mirror.
It was pretty scary. My face morphed into a were-wolf leopard thing.
Totally twisted. Then I brought out my mental light saber and stopped
that particular hallucination. All I have to say is, _Star Wars_ relates
to absolutely everything. {more on that later}
T looks so beautiful and peacefully asleep on my bed, she lies
breathing soft and steady and I want her...but she needs to sleep. I
know she needs to sleep so I offer her sleep instead of pleasure. God
how can I say things like that. she takes sleep whether I offer it to
her or not. I'm not this magnanimous, patronizing figure that I like to
make myself out to be.
Depth perception getting really strange. Going to find social
interaction, if I can peel myself from the computer coccoon I have
created for myself.
1:56 A.M.
Found W and R, and they are going with me to 7-11. Actually they are
taking me along with them, as they were going anyway. Upstairs to get my
stuff and enter this.
Perceptions altered but having a really really really good time. Maybe I
have this good of a time all the time, but the simple action of me
putting the blotter on my tongue allowed me to realize it??? Just a
symbol of removing all obstructions to enjoying life? Is this acid
simply 'John's new clothes' so to speak? 'But,' cried the little child,
'he hasn't go any clothes on at all.' eheheheeeeee!!!
Are hallucinations merely the chemical removal of barriers blocking our
sensory apparatus? That is to say, are the things we see on LSD always
there, in our minds, and the drug lets us see them, or are they created
by the drug itself? This seems like a totally valid question to me at
this point, exactly 2 am.
2:45 A.M.
A lot of shit happened. Went to sev. Oh god was it really only 45
minutes ago? The walls started to breathe...The hallway outside is
lightyears away ahahahahaaaaaaa and it all contains *so* *much* meaning.
hehehehe
I am just chuckling for no reason.
what?
Let me have some of that water.
Refill it then.
thanks.
I just realized I can't talk.
I have to communicate to T via the computer. She's looking at me like
I've lost my mind, which, from an objective stance, is completely
understandable.
i can laugh, but I have to communicate all my thoughts to T on screen,
I'm serious.
Here, start from the beginning. Is that how you spell that?
{overcame apahsia and started talking again :) }
2:49 A.M.
T really thinks I am losing it, and of course to her I am, but to me
it is incredibly natural that all events unfold this way, that things
happen the way they do...
Sev was a new experience. It was bursting with sounds and smells
and colors and lights...I remember taking a bag of Potato Chips, marked
in big red letters '4 ounces for .99' up to R, and remarking in a loud
voice, 'how cool would it be if this bag didn't actually have weed in it
at all?' I knew of course that it was full of potato chips, but i just
started laughing.
4:00 A.M.
Wow. Laying in my bed with T, objects on my desk seemed to grow and
shrink. My computer and candles seemed at one moment tiny then the next
were over 30 feet high. I swear to god that I have a huge monitor heheheeee
Man I'm having a great time.
Talk to T all night. Realize all sorts of wonderful things, most too
private to share.
Eat some pop tarts that I bought at sev. The little sugar crystals
glittered so perfectly that it broke my heart to take a bite of the
toaster pastry.
Decided never to eat sausage again. I saw little green dots crawling all
over a summer sausage I found in my pocket. Gave it to W. He ate it.
Spent a long time in the bathroom, trying to figure out what color the
floor *really* was. T told me it was white. I said, 'but It can't be
white.' very trippy.
Oh yeah. Sex on acid. Pretty cool, but I bet it's cooler if you both are
frying. it's unlike sex on weed, or sex sober. like I've said, very trippy.
Acid kicks ass, but I don't think I can handle this more than once a month.
heeheh 'My monthly period is a microdot' heheheheh I made that up. Shold
go in the hemp 100 in _High Times_ hehehehhehe
7:00 am
Coming down. Had a GREAT TIME. can't wait to try it in a group of friends.
Oh yeah, more on _Star Wars_.
My trip started to go bad twice. The first time was when I
wigged my skull by looking at my face for too long. the second was when
I saw T's face start to decay. { I thought she was angry with me, nd
these negative feelings manifested themselves as decay} Both times, I
was able to exert my will and pull the trip back in line. When Luke asks
old Ben if the Force controls your actions, Ben says yes, but that it
also obeys your commands. LSD, to me {so far...} is like that. I
*don't* *want* to have to use my will during a trip, much like a Jedi
master not wanting to use his lightsaber unless he has too. But if you
need it, it's there...Just use the force.
*******
Well, that's my first trip. it's now 3:31 pm. I went to class at 11,
lunch, and spent the afternoon typing this.
Feeling a bit tired, but great. Well, thanks for reading.
A very good experience, all in all.
John