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Frank Floyd felt a flurry of suspicious psychic slough inside his head. Ronald, if that is his real name, is too easygoing. He has no problem sleeping on the couch. He immediately agreed to be a guest on "Let's Be Frank!" And his recovery from his illness, if he ever had one, was practically overnight. His skin has gone from an unhealthy pale -- whiter than milk, skin transparent like plastic packaging pillows -- to a healthier, somewhat orange tone. It must be the Illuminati's miracle drugs, which can cure any disease instantly. Or is it the Illuminati's fast-cure illnesses, which persists for a single day but disappear at the agent's will?!
What three-letter-organization was he employed by? Was he a badge-carrier or just a mole? Was his goal to recruit or snuff Frank out? More questions had to be asked, and the perfect place to expose his connections with the conspiracy, the conspiracy that was after Frank and all other who knew the REAL truth... Was on the next episode of "Let's Be Frank!"
Frank did a solo episode, all about his roommate, Ronald Freeweeber, who Frank did some internet research on.
"I did some digging up, and I found the mother lode: Everyone in his family is named after whoever is President at the time of the child's birth, all the way back from George Freeweeber to little Donnie Freeweeber today. Coincidence? Or... CONSPIRACY!? They aren't even trying to hide their part in the Illuminati's plans!"
"What purpose could there be in naming each child after the sitting President? I'll present Frank's Top Three Theories after the break!"
After shilling Beast Brew, his one and only sponsor, Frank presented his theories as to why his roommate was named after President Reagan, and why everyone else in his family was named in a similar fashion.
1: Each member of this family is actually a clone and the son of the President, like how Future Eagleman was retconned to be Eagleman's son. Theory doesn't hold up if you believe the mainstream science that DNA was discovered in the 50's. But, if you go back to older sources -- folk tales, the Bible, etc. --, a magical ladder -- the shape of the DNA molecule -- is something that has existed in the human pysche for years. So maybe the Aztecs were cloning people for centuries, and their techniques were transmitted to other Indian tribes, and the Founding Fathers also used these techniques! Could the pyramids have actually been cloning facilities, and the skeletons thought to be sacrifices actually be the clone-children of important Aztec leaders? Might be a topic for a later episode!
2: Smokescreen. The Freeweeber family only exists on paper, and some bored intern at a Three-Letter-Agency came up with the names by looking at a list of Presidents on EveryPedia. Just because the organization controls the world does not mean it is itself in control! Leviathan's body is massive, but its internal organs are at war with one another, redundancies, like the multiple stomachs of the cow, each one grumbling their way through another day. "Ronald", if that is his real name, exists only on a sheet of paper in some old filing cabinet. The same goes for the rest of his family!
3: So, it's obviously the clone theory, or the smokescreen theory. But there's a distant third possibility: The Freeweeber family really is just what they say they are. On the family MyBook page, there's a brief explanation of the family's naming tradition. Next week, on Let's Be Frank, we'll talk with the man himself to find out what's really going on!