💾 Archived View for gerhildt.space › logs › 2021 › 02 › 2021-02-09.gemini captured on 2022-06-03 at 23:15:00. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2021-11-30)
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@ 12:20am EST
I worked on music this morning. Sort of. I actually just changed which instruments my program is using for each songpart in all the tracks I've made for this next album. I found some that have more of a classic stereotypical synth-y sound, which is what I was wanting to do in the first place. Finding instruments is hard, and figuring out if they'll sound "right" with a song before you've written any of the song yet is even harder. On my first album I was able to decide what I wanted for sure at the start and didn't change it a single time. This one is proving to be a bit trickier. I think the ones I've picked now might hold through, they're *very* good for what I'm going for, moreso than any of my previous choices, but I am a fickle and indecisive creature, so who knows?
I keep wanting to want to write about the most recent story idea I've had. Which is another proxy for me wanting to actually write it, which is itself a proxy for just me writing the damn thing. I've never been good at forcing myself to do that, unless it was to distract myself during a boring class in high school. I have a lot of ideas I feel decently stongly about, though. So I suffer, haha.
The last time I spoke to the friend over whom I pine (I'll call him "The Demon" for short), there was a point where I asked him, "Am I ever going to be good enough for you?"
And he replied, "Are you ever gonna be good enough for yourself?", and that sounds like a cop-out although it is also a good question. (It's not a cop-out; he rejects the premise of the original question because he doesn't conceptualize of interpersonal relations in the way the question assumes.)
And then when I said, "Fucking, *no*, I have ridiculously high standards for myself," he said,
"No, I think you will. I think you're gonna end up in a place where you're proud of yourself."
I still don't know what to do with that.
Today was very mundane.
I found out from work that I can go back on Thursday. (I've been out due to covid, but I'm past all the isolation time limits and no longer have symptoms.) I can't lie, I have somewhat enjoyed the time off, though of course not the reason. But I do like all of my coworkers and aside from the anxiety pit in my stomach I'm happy to see them all again. Going back to work will also hopefully fix my nocturnal sleeping patterns, at least a little.
Then I took my car for a good clean. I have an appointment tomorrow at the dealership service center for an oil change and I think some kind of recalled part replacement, so I wanted to make sure it was free of trash and all good looking. Plus, going through the automated car wash is just fun.
I got an order of tea in the mail that I'm very happy about. It's David's Organic Super Ginger, which I had a sample of in one of the two tea samplers I got for the holidays and enjoyed very much. It helps a lot with the acid reflux, and it's quite tasty. It came in a box with a ridiculous amount of packing paper, but that's just how it goes I guess.
I did work on some music. I had an idea on the way home for a new project, so I've been starting that. The concept is an album of union/IWW songs but done in my weird synthwave style. I'm calling it "A Warbly Songbook"; like a Wobbly [1] songbook, but warbly because of the synths. I made some artwork which is viewable (if you like) on my artist Twitter @dunjunmusic [2]. I also started actual work on one of the songs I selected for inclusion. It's gonna be a little while until I can work on any of the vocals, which is going to be an entirely new process to me, but I'm actually excited about it.
(I like footnotes. Footnotes are good. One of my favorite book series is full of footnotes. [3] )
1] Members of the IWW (Industrial Workers of the World) colloquially refer to ourselves as Wobblies. It's debated where this term comes from, but the IWW website has some theories:
https://archive.iww.org/history/icons/wobbly/
3] The Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud. Very funny stuff, and gets surprisingly deep as well.
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