💾 Archived View for gemini.dazlab.uk › gemlog › 2022 › May › 150522.gmi captured on 2022-06-03 at 22:57:23. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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It's been seven months since I last entered a Gemlog.
I suppose I hadn't quite figured out what I wanted to do with Gemini, other than play around with it as a concept. I'm an IT Engineer, so technologically it interests me. I love networks and programs and machines; I love the history of it all, the innate wizardry and sheer fucking magic of it all.
That's not enough though, is it?
If artists only ever made art about art, or movie directors only ever made movies about other movies, then it'd be a rather dull implementation of their respective crafts.
By nature, I'm a very deep person. I think. A lot. Too much, sometimes, for my own sanity; mental health has been an enduring struggle throughout my adult life. To paraphrase the late, great Chris Cornell, I've often fallen on black days. I carry an emptiness around with me, always. It's my constant companion; sometimes It's endurable, occasionally It's crushing, and on two occassions It has been near fatal.
The real kicker is, I'd almost feel lonely without It.
As void as I sometimes feel, I have plenty of interests. So many, in fact, that there aren't enough hours in a lifetime to commit myself fully to any one of them. I go through phases, zig-zagging between them. Gemini was one of my tangents for a while, back at the tail-end of '21, until it fell into the background in favour of other pursuits.
One of those pursuits is writing. I'm not terribly good at it, but it's something I enjoy nonetheless. It has occured to me, on this quiet sunny Sunday in May, that it might be a good use of the platform; screaming into the ether, never knowing who - if anyone - is listening, might be good medicine. There's an appealing mystery to these Gemlog's. I've read a number, and you never know a thing about the person you're reading about, yet you can come to know a part of them, their lives and struggles, their hopes and aspirations, their fears, their hang-ups and doubts and dreams, and sometimes even find meaning and comfort through their words.
Maybe my inevitable future black days will be somewhat more endurable if I can find solace in the silence of strangers.