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_ _ __ | | | | / __| | |_| | | <_ | ___ | \__ \ | | | | __> | |_| |_|elter |___/ kelter 3# (digital) (An oasis of filth and danger in a desert of decency) ################################################################## Editor's Note: Ok. So this is issue 3. I doubted it would go this far. Anyway, as you saw on the cover, we've got a letter from a guy in Italy who saw the review of #1 in MRR about fascism, a continuation of the 100+ ways to screw your school (we forgot to put them in #2, so there's an extra long section), some stuff on WMET, a cool AM station, and much, much more. Anyway, notice I always say "we." This is wrong, as there's only "I," but whatever. Being as it is only "I," I could use some submissions, art, etc. from you all. I don't have too much else to say, so I'll just list all the many ways you can get in touch with me if you're so inclined: Mail: Helter Skelter c/o Derek Teslik 3519 Woodbine St. Chevy Chase, MD 20815 BBS: Omniverse (301)718-0225 Internet: derek.teslik@sbaonline.gov (Yes, .gov! Running a zine counts as a small business, and you get a free mail account through the Small Business Admin.) ################################################################## Screw your school! The Yippies wrote this a while ago, and it has been somewhat updated. This is not for every school, just those you know are hellholes. 1-14 were in issue #1. (15) Perform citizen's arrests of administrators for destroying the minds of youth then telephone the police to come and take the criminals into custody. (This would be an excellent guerrilla theater action.) (16) Try political games. School is 12 years brainwashing without trial. Slowdowns, work to rules, strikes, and occupations are fun, but don't let leaders or ego trippers speak for you. (17) Rip off dishes and silverware from the cafeteria, towels from the gym, stencils and paper from the duplicating room, layout equipment from the art and drafting departments, tools from the wood shop, and light bulbs from the sockets, movie projectors, and incubators. Give them to yourselves or a needy movement group. (18) During lunch turn on and light all the gas jets in the science labs. Be very careful with this one; try a good mask. (19) Demand to see your school records on file because everyone else (police, social workers, teachers, etc.) is allowed to see them. (20) You can make a very effective fuse by inserting a non-filter cigarette in a book of matches so that it touches the head of some matches and will ignite them when it burns down that far. Then loosely crumple paper around the matches and cigarettes so that they are hidden. Toss it in a wastebasket or any other area with a lot of papers, preferably in the office. It takes about 5 minutes to ignite -- by then you can be on the other side of the building. Practice this at home before trying it. (21) Have giant coughing or sneezing epidemics in class or study hall. (22) Rub lipstick, glue, Vaseline, or shit onto the doorknobs of the school's administrative offices. (23) Swallow some snake bite antidote then walk into the principal's office. The antidote (most types are harmless -- make sure you get that kind) will make you vomit. Do so all over his carpet, desk, clothing, etc. then apologize profusely. (24) Pick up some dog training liquid at any pet store -- it smells like concentrated piss. And if you can't figure out what to do with that then you shouldn't be reading this. (25) Remove contents of teacher's mailboxes. Print up everything that's confidential or interesting. 'Borrow' any special notices that may be found sitting on their desks like lists of excused people, etc. (as long as you're not on them). (26) Leave notes and hints that 'Tuesday's the day.' (27) Impersonate parental voices and make irate phone calls to the office. (28) Make a super stink bomb out of Hydrogen Sulfide and put somewhere in the ventilating system. This has cleared school buildings for days. (29) If your school has a suspended ceiling (a ceiling composed of rectangles or squares resting on a frame so that the rectangles can be pushed up) you can put a dead fish -- or anything else -- above them. Or put it into empty lockers and glue them shut. (30) Put signs on your locker saying 'this locker will self- destruct if opened for inspection.' You may even decide to make a locker bomb for it as described by King Tut. (31) Give your school library a subscription to a good underground newspaper from your area and insist that they make it available to students. (32) Print up false notices frequently using the same format as the school uses and distribute them to the teachers' mailboxes. Eventually they'll never know what to believe. (33) If you can get to the school's sprinkler system, change the start time so that it will come on about 3 minutes before school starts and get everyone wet. Then a bus will have to take them home for dry clothes ################################################################## The WMET Story Imagine, if you will, a radio station. Nothing big, just a little AM joint. It gives jobs to local kids, cleaning up the station, doing shitwork, and Saturday nights the kids get their own shows. They can play what they want -- no commercials or anything -- absolute freedom. Through word of mouth the shows enjoy underground success. Almost makes you want to shed a tear, huh? Equal parts UHF, Waynes World, and Pump Up the Volume, this is the WMET Story. And it's 100% fact. The station is WMET 1150 AM, the shows are called "Interzone" and "Influx," and they air on Saturday nights from 9:30 or 10:00 'till 12:00. It's a small station, and in dc the reception is shoddy (WMET is based in Gaithursburg), but it's worth the static. Never heard Fugazi on the radio? Listen to "Interzone." Like Ambient techno and death threats from crazy girls? "Influx" is for you. These shows are the shit. They play stuff that's worth recording off the radio, like the Cowboy Junkies' cover of "Sweet Jane" by Velvet Underground. They make obligatory Big Mac references. They gave me a Pink Floyd CD for knowing who sang "I Will Survive" (Gloria Gainor). They give shout outs to their pals (as those are usually the only people who know about the show). Anyway, you can call the station at (301)921-0093, contact "Interzone" at 13300 Beall Creek Ct/Potomac, MD 20854, "Influx" through this magazine. Remember, 1150 AM. ################################################################## A Report from Italy Ok, first off I would like to thank the editor of this zine very much for giving me the opportunity to write my opinions in his publication. I'm always glad to express my thoughts in foreigner zines, especially if they are American mags/publications. Well, as a few of you know, the Italian Government changed some months ago. The Right won the government elections. This is not business of mine, 'cuz I've never voted in my entire life. Many American newspapers (New York Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post...) wrote about this event, namely the rebirth of the Facist Party. Our past Facist regime ended 50 years ago (When Benito Mussolini was killed) and this is not a facism revival, but a sort of new European Right. Anyway, the right is always the Right, the story is always the same. Right now, the most important problem here in Italy is an economic problem. Italy isn't so wonderful as many tourists think. I see a lot of tourists who, when they come to visit my hometown of Rome, are extremely delighted on everything (Monuments, cuisine, climate...) Probably they look at Italy with a tourist's eye. That is absolutely wrong. New fascists apart, here the cost of living is the highest. On everything there are strong taxes (about 50%!). A few examples: the gasoline costs $4 a gallon, the cigarettes $2.90, the CD's $19-$20, a decent flat in a condo $315,000 (not to mention the country houses). Our average yearly wage is a little bit more than $10,000 (it's nothing in America). A young graduated guy starts to work for $470 a month and after a few years (working 8 hours every single day) he gets $820 a month. Here the unemployment is at 13% (In America it is at 6%) and, another disgusting thing, here army service is compulsory and you serve it for free, in practice. So, this is Italy. On the contrary in America seems to be about 150,000,000 guns handled by private individuals [ed: I don't know where he gets this number, or exactly what he is saying], a 50% divorce rate, and the non- existence of public assistance. Anyway, the American government is Facist too (politics of shit in Central America, Capitol Punishment, Watergate, KKK,....). OK bros, think on it and lemme know. You can reach me at: LEONARDO DI MAIO, Macedonia 72 - 00179 ROMA (ITALY). ################################################################## Harmless Terror To all those who do not wish to inflict bodily damage on their victems but only terror. These are weapons that should be used from high places. 1) The flour bomb. Take a wet paper towel and pour a given amount of baking flour in the center. Then wrap it up and put on a rubber band to keep it together. When thrown it will fly well but when it hits, it covers the victim with the flower or causes a big puff of flour which will put the victim in terror since as far as they are concerned, some strange white powder is all over them. This is a cheap method of terror and for only the cost of a roll of paper towels and a bag of flour you and your friends can have loads of fun watching people flee in panic. 2) Smoke bomb projectile. All you need is a bunch of those little round smoke bombs and a wrist rocket or any sling-shot. Shoot the smoke bombs and watch the terror since they think it will blow up! 3) Rotten eggs (good ones) take some eggs and get a sharp needle and poke a small hole in the top of each one. Then let them sit in a warm place for about a week. Then you've got a bunch of rotten eggs that will only smell when they hit. 4) Glow in the dark terror. Take one of those tubes of glow in the dark stuff and pour the stuff on whatever you want to throw and when it gets on the victim, they think it's some deadly chemical or a radioactive substance so they run in total panic. This works especially well with flower bombs since a gummy, glowing substance gets all over the victim. 5) Fizzling panic. Take a baggie of a water-baking soda solution and seal it. Make sure there is no air in it since the solution will form a gas and you don't want it to pop on you.) Then put it in a bigger plastic bag and fill it with vinegar and seal it. When thrown, the two substances will mix and cause a violently bubbling substance to go all over the victim. ################################################################## <ring> <ring> <click> Hello, you've reached the new world disorder. A broken chaos mixed with interracial tensions at a congressional hearing. More at eleven robbed at gunpoint should be banned. Protesting a march held by some radical extremist group for some purpose or another and was ridiculed by another radical extremist group who doesn't like some policy or another says the public relations advisor to the president passed a bill rates will be increasing next month. If you do not pay wages have been decreased again because of fighting in some foriegn country and we have to intervene in these heinous act four in a controversial play that was interrupted for this special news bulletin as we take you live to the scene of the crime in action. Police report that the suspected of rape, murder, drugs, loitering, and jay- walking. All rise, the honorable judge, jury, and executioner next on Geraldo homosexual, learning disabled, autistically impaired, politically, socially, and grammatically incorrect who else knows the answer to global warming and the Amazon forests home to the Spotted Owl and endangered to society out on parole. Soon to be a made for television movie star scandal such-and-such found in bed with such-and-such who broke up with such-and-such posing for Playboy held an article dealing with the roles women play in education falling behind test scores the winning goal for another over-glorified sports superstar scandal still sleeping with such-and-such decay in the innercity blocks backed up when a gass main attraction event at your local governors race to your nearest convenience store held up again by a masked man with a gun control still needed for the safety of this country should not be compomised position on national health is dwindling with insufficient evidence to convicts escaped from a road jammed by another accident with a tractor trailer and sports car beat another sports car in ratings even though they came from the same factory layoffs as a result of the recession is improving benefits to unemployment rates declining value of the dollars stolen from the home security system to deter burglary is up by twenty percent risk of heart disease control center in Atlanta issued a report that there is no illegal activity needs to be stopped in the innercity pollution ordinance to put an end of the line for criminals gaining a college education needs more funding supported by taxes raised on gasoline shortage in the mid-east tensions building a new bridge across the desert wars waged against helpless newborn infants killed in a new study released from prison overcrowding on busses renovated to cleaner air traffic controllers at fault activity resulting in the earthquake relief funding needed for public health commision reports presented by another anchorperson charged with sexual intercourse risks detection by U.S. Custom agents indicted in a 1984 Orwellian drama department production assistance by-products of additives to preserve freshness. Sell by June temperatures reached an all tome high in calcium and other nutrients found in contaminated waste recycling program to curb spending time with the kids at higher risk of kidney transplants performed regular check-ups to maintain the life of your car accident on the interstate trade secrets withheld important documents liking the suspect asked for special report brought to you by your local man arrested on drug abuse in teenagers fall short-circuit caused the malfunction of the heart a leading factor in medical research grants loaned at interest rates rising as a results of the tournament later in the program. And now another word from our sponsor. So if you'll leave your name, home number, work number, fax number, data number, internet address, social security number, date of birth, maiden name and the number of years you have been unemployed we'll get back to you as soon as reports arrive from an agency dedicated to making your life hell. ################################################################## On Hate/Thought Crimes The ideals of Freedom and Liberty are often heralded as the foundation of the American system of Government and law. Now in an effort to be politically correct, the powers that be are chipping away at our most basic right: the right to free thought. Over the summer of 1993, the Supreme Court upheld local statutes that allowed stiffer sentences for crimes when there was some motivation of prejudice. This is not only unconstitutional but is also an embarrassment to the people of this country and a risk to their personal liberty. This type of sentencing is like catching flies in a butterfly net. Thoughts can not be caged, and there is no jail in the world big enough to contain a man's mind. Although one can hold a body captive, his mind can and will go free. Just as empty space can not catch flies, thoughts and motivations can not hurt a person; it is only physical actions that can do harm. By establishing a set jail time for thinking and/or saying one's motive, it is not that big of a jump to punishing thought without crime. By setting the precedent that thoughts and intent can be punished (even if only when linked to another crime), the country is walking down a dangerous road. If one commits a crime without having a socially approved motive they are punished further. This kind of sentencing sends the message that if a killer calls someone a "jerk" or "bozo" instead of "nigger" or "spic" while putting a bullet through their head, the crime is somehow less heinous and reprehensible. If we are going to send any message, it should be that all violence is equally painful no matter why it is committed. ################################################################## Mo' political stuff: There is no such thing as a perfect political system, as some men will always pervert the ideals of the established government, thereby ruining those ideals forever. Many states have been ruined in part by these actions, and the United States is headed down this slippery slope. The Constitution of our country, along with the Bill of Rights, was supposed to ensure the rights of the people under a constrained state. Today, it seems, these goals have been lost by politicians who, not out of greed or corruption but necessity, pander to lobbyists, special interests, and public opinion. They enact laws that can and do financially drain the state and place unnecessary constraints on the liberty of the people that they were sent to represent, as long as those actions could earn him some sort of political support (money, backing, pork). At this point it may be impossible to return to the state of politics two hundred years ago, when the value of the Bill of Rights was still fresh in the minds of the statesmen, but we can head in the right direction. I am a Libertarian. I believe this country was founded on noble ideals and goals, but the follow-through of the law-makers has been less than superb. The perfect state would exist merely for the purposes of printing money, defending the populace from attacks on their person or property from within, i.e., from common criminals, and from without, i.e., from foreign invaders, and judging disputes between citizens. It is interesting that every day more and more laws are introduced, with little attention paid by lawmakers to those already on the books that are outdated, unconstitutional, or impractical. Many of these laws outlaw what could be termed "victimless crimes," crimes which do not attack another citizen's person or property. Loitering, certain sexual acts, explicit arts, language, and music (in some situations), and drug use are examples of such crimes. The only frequently enforced laws in that group are those concerning drug use. While drugs are a serious problem that always has and always will face society, it seems obvious that the laws are wrecking the lives of more citizens than the drugs themselves are. Just as alcohol prohibition actually created crime in the form of moonshiners and mobsters, drug prohibition has created today's gangs. The number of people killed by these gangs, by bad drugs, and in fact by the DEA, far exceeds the number that would have died otherwise. Before prohibition you could still "just say no." You can't say "no" to a random bullet or to gang violence. We live in an era of politicians who see their job as a public profession and not public service. As these statesmen have to worry about re-election from the day they are sworn in, there is little room to vote for their hearts and constituency, but only for money and public support. If each elected office had a term of five to ten years, with no option of re-election, these people could ignore if not forget special interests and the like. This may seem somewhat limited, but statesmen could hold different offices, just not the same one more than once. ################################################################## Little reviws: Plebian Times #2 -- Very nicely done zine. I can't really classify it, as it doesn't really have a strict focus. It just prints what it wants to print. there's a long interview with some BBS sysop who runs NirvanaNet, which was cool, also stuff on shoplifting (pro), the air force experience, and Bruce Lee. $2ppd. 118 Garden St./Sulphur LA, 70663 The Loop! - "A young look at literature, life, and music" -- I've got the first two. This is a nice lit- zine out of my school. I won't promise an unbiased review, but whatever. Other than the fact that a certain editor was a little too absessive about Kurt Cobain, there's nothing I don't like. Good writing, and some funky style stuff and computer graphics. $1 ppd. Borderlands-Still Ill Ent./5006 Tliden St NW/ Washington, DC 20016 G-Love & Special Sauce @ 9:30 -- Cool as shit show. You gotta love these guys. The opening band, Baked beans, was not that hot. Still worth the $7 -----------------End-Helter-Skelter-Digital-#3----------------