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Reminds me of a conversation I had with my younger brother years ago. If he could blame our parents for everything he didn't like about how his life turned out, so could they blame theirs. And so on, ad infinitum. Conversely if he expected them to take responsibility for their lives and actions, so did he have to for his. Doesn't mean you have to stop being aggravated at the outcome, of course.

I could tell him this only because I had to learn and realize the same.

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~mellita wrote (thread):

You could ponder for a long time about where to introduce responsibility into things. The way I've managed to remain mentally at comfort is usually by dismissing blame altogether, since the causes of most of these things — interpersonal foibles and behaviors — can only be theorized about, too rarely proven.

Maybe all you can do is identify to yourself and others the proportions of the "energies" at play, you might say, by which I mean pain, growth, safety, freedom, etc. People of charitable mind will adjust themselves as they see fit; the others won't. What more can be done? The strictures of cause and effect, with all the blame, shame, and guilt they entail, are like any tool useful sometimes, but best applied circumstantially.