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2022-04-03 - Health and weight

A number of those close to me have struggled with weight, myself included. A yo-yo comes to mind when thinking about the cycles of weight gain and weight loss. It's not easy working through these cycles. Many, like myself, feel that enough willpower will force our weight into submission.

Then there's those who have it all under control. They manage their weight without a problem and eat without a worry. That creamy chocolate sundae? Sign me up! Unfortunately, I'm not in this category.

You probably know a few people from both of these camps. There's even a term for them: "Restrained eaters" and "Unrestrained eaters".

Unsurprisingly, the people who fall into the "unrestrained" eater category are also those who enjoy the widest array of foods without so much as a pound gained. Unrestrained eating is also known to be a healthier lifestyle. You know, eating without rules or diets. Why is that not me?

Curious about the research, I started reading. Apparently, there's a good amount of scholarly thought indicating that diets don't work. Usually I agree with the guys in lab coats but I was seriously sceptical. What do they mean diets don't work? I've gone on any number of diets and lost a good amount of weight. Each time!

Well, maybe that's it: "Each time". I keep relapsing. Like an elephant housed next to a peanut processing plant I'm drawn back to my base impulses. Relapses aren't healthy and my motivations for eating aren't pure. Emotion is my motivator.

Emotions determine the how and why of my eating. Hey kiddo, finish up the food on your plate or it'll go to waste. Why don't we celebrate with a nice big pizza? How about one more bite, it's yummy! Hey, my favorite show is on! Let's binge netflix while eating food in a not-so-mindful fashion. While these patterns started innocently enough, inside me they perpetuate a style of thinking that is harmful when taken to the extreme.

I realized that I don't listen to my body. I assumed my conscious self knows best and is in clear control. But in reality biology is in cockpit and plays the long-game. I can muster enough self-control for a diet to last roughly a year or two but never a decade. Eventually I slip back into an unwilled state. I'm consciously winning in-the-moment with my rules but in the end I lose the endurance race to biology that has its own scorecard.

So it's time to embrace uncertainty and paradox. I can't beat biology. So I'll stop listening to all my conscious rules and be more present with food. To hell with restrictions. You want that fudgecicle? Do it. Just be mindful when you do. At least that's what some people's interpretation of the research says.

God this all makes me uneasy. Yeah, eat whatever. But take a moment to consider if you really liked it. Or was it just the idea of the taste that you were after? Were you really hungry?

It's practicing presence and I'm going to give it a try.