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From ew0k's post:
So I know it's something different than giving up. It's also, I've been told, different from not caring. Somehow I am to let shitty things be shitty, not try to change them (but not give up trying, I guess), and still care about the fact that they're shitty. It makes me dizzy just trying to figure out.
I don't purport to be an expert in this area. But I can throw an interpretation and a reference or two your way. Maybe help shed some light.
I believe acceptance boils down to accepting yourself. Being present and detaching from your valuations. Holding yourself lightly.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) focuses squarely on this. Dr Stephen C. Hayes developed ACT and his 'Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life' book is a good intro. For example, on page 45 Hayes tackles what acceptance means:
... Sometimes, in English, "accept" means "to tolerate or resign yourself" (as in, "Aw, gee, I guess I have to accept that"), and that is precisely _not_ what is meant here. By "accept," we mean something more like "taking completely, in the moment, without defense". We use the word "willing" as a synonym for "accepting" to stay true to that meaning of accept. "Willing" is one of the older words in the English language. It comes from an ancient root meaning "to choose." Thus "acceptance" and "willingness" can be understood as an answer to this question: "Will you take me in as I am?"
In the next paragraph Hayes asks: what does "taking me as I am" actually mean?
In our context, the words willingness and acceptance mean to respond actively to your feelings by feeling them, literally, much as you might reach out and literally feel the texture of a cashmere sweater. They mean to respond actively to your thoughts by thinking them, much as you might read poetry just to get the flow of the words, or an actor might rehearse lines to get a feel for the playwright's intent.
Hayes touches on more examples and metaphors after this excerpt. As such, I'd encourage reading those quotes in context. That said, he admits on the same page that:
We don't expect this foray into poetic metaphors to make any difference yet. But the sense conveyed by them may give you an idea of what we are aiming for in pursuing acceptance in this book.
My interpretation being that explaining acceptance is not trivial. It's one of the central topics covered in the book.
Personally I think the question boils down to "What does acceptance mean to you?" The answer, I suspect, is highly individual and depends on the being. So it takes a workbook like Hayes' to walk you through the workings of your mind to understand what acceptance means to you. Language is at the root of this and ACT is deeply rooted in the world of linguistics.
One other thought I had is on the subject of evaluations.
Somehow I am to let shitty things be shitty, not try to change them (but not give up trying, I guess), and still care about the fact that they're shitty.
Dr Burns in 'Feeling Good' mentions perceptions and moods. Specifically that it is ourselves that color the world. No person or external event affects your mood. From Burns 1980, 107:
... only _your_ thoughts can ever effect you. For example, if you are in a restaurant feeling miserable because you are alone, you really have no idea what people are thinking. It's your thoughts and only yours that are making you feel terrible: you're the only person in the world who can effectively persecute yourself. Why do you label yourself a "loser" because you're in a restaurant alone? Would you be so cruel to someone else?
It's up to you what valuation or label to apply. To choose the now and accept your thoughts. Of course, that is much easier said than done.
Both Hayes and Burns are pretty good reads. I'd recommend both.