💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › apple › WALKTHROUGHS › et.solve captured on 2022-06-12 at 06:07:41.
⬅️ Previous capture (2020-10-31)
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:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=: HOW TO SOLVE E.T. COMES BACK BY COPY/CAT OF (/*HI-ReS<>HIJACKERS*\) :=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=: INTRODUCTION: ============= E.T. IS THE WORST GRAPHICS ADVENTURE I HAVE EVER SEEN. IT IS: 1] INCOMPLETE 2] FULL OF GRAMMATICAL ERRORS 3] FULL OF SPELLING ERRORS 4] WRITTEN IN APPLESOFT 5] WRITTEN BY A HOMOSEXUAL 6] WITHOUT A "SAVE GAME" FEATURE IF THOSE DON'T TURN YOU OFF, CONSIDER THIS : EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE, THERE IS A 20% RANDOM CHANCE OF BEING CONFRONTED BY "GERTIE", WHO LOOKS LIKE LUCY FROM "PEANUTS". IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CANDY, OF WHICH THERE IS ONLY ONE OF, SHE PULLS THE PLUG ON YOUR COMPUTER. GAME OVER. IF YOU STILL WANT TO PLAY THIS ADVENTURE, YOU MUST BE STRANGE. BUT DON'T WORRY. I'M STRANGER. I FIXED IT, SOLVED IT, AND WROTE A FILE. IN FACT, I CHANGED THE GAME SO THAT YOU CAN KICK GERTIE'S ASS. YOU COULD, IF YOU WERE REALLY WEIRD, CHANGE IT SO THAT YOU CAN RAPE HER OR SOMETHING, BUT ANYWAYS, THAT'S FOR YOU TO DO. IF YOU WANT MY FIXED VERSION, E-MAIL AT SATAN'S HOLLOW 409/744\6477. HERE'S HOW TO SOLVE THE OLD VERSION: BREAK DOOR NORTH DOWN WEST SOUTH TWICE GET CANDY NORTH TALK MICHAEL LOOK HOMEWORK MONDAY GET MICHAEL EAST TWICE SOUTH EAST GET MACHINE WEST NORTH EAST GET UMBRALLA (UMBRELLA) WEST OPEN DOOR UP WEST LOOK MOTHER GO DESK GET KEY SOUTH WEST GET GERANIUM EAST TWICE DOWN NORTH EAST NORTH DROP GERANIUM SOUTH GET E.T. WEST NORTH WEST TWICE UNLOCK GARAGE OPEN GARAGE GO CAR NORTH THREE CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE GOTTEN TO THE END OF PART 1! WHERE'S PART 2? DON'T ASK ME, ASK THOSE ASSHOLES WHO PUT THEIR FUCKING NAMES ON THE TITLEPAGE (AND ADDED MASSIVE BLEEDING, WHICH I FIXED). ANYWAYS, TRY BLOADING "ET4. PIC" TO SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN YOU ACTUALLY WIN. FRANKLY, I THINK THE WINNERS ARE THE PIRATES WHO STAYED AWAY FROM THIS SHIT ADVENTURE.