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Today I want to talk about something that has been bothering me for a long time now. I've never been able to take compliments very well, but that is just a me-problem and usually doesn't affect my actions. What DOES affect my actions though is praise, a lot of it. This is something that has been going on since practically forever, people telling me how mature/great I am. Of course it boosts my ego and it feels great but it made it a lot harder to take criticism appropriately. I think this also greatly affected my opinion on others. I.e. when I recently heard about a 14-year-old being able to draw great life-like images just like nothing, I felt a great unease. or when I see somebody that just looks good, it also makes me feel uneasy about myself. I can't emphazise with other people anymore. Why. Help me. Obviously about thinking about these cases thoroughly I can somewhat emphazise or at least not feel uneasy about it anymore, but that was my initial reaction, and it still happens with other cases. I feel like I have to be special. I've always aspired to be special, no matter in what way, I wanted to be special. This resulted in me going to lengths that others wouldn't go to, it has brought me loads of good things, but it has also brought me this. I get enough praise to make me feel special, now I feel like I need to keep that status and I can't see others being special as well. This feels like a serious illness and I want to tackle it but I don't know how.
If you want to comment or give your opinion on this feel free to contact me
XMPP: me@metalune.xyz
E-Mail: me@metalune.xyz
Matrix: @metalune:sigmaa.ems.host
Mastodon: @metalune@fosstodon.org