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Whatever Ramblings beer reviews -- * = Reviewers Choice!
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Email: (swain@enigma.rider.edu)



scrapped this idea to avoid ridiculous printing costs and because
we have better things to write about.  This is only available as an
Ezine version.


Would you believe, more beer reviews?  Ahh, why not?  This time
around we're ignoring categories and placing all beer products in
one big section.  The puking factor is based upon the chances of
comiting after drinking approximately 72 ounces of beer (a six
pack).  1= Non-Existent whereas 10 or above means you'll be staring
at porcelain all night.  Any PF listen above 10 translates to
personal hate for the beer.


Board of taste-testers:

Marcel, Alex, Mike, and other malcontents.


Mickey's (Big Mouth's)     The wasp on the bottle says it all. 
Stupidly hip now thanks to the contrived House of Pain.  If you
turn your nose up to Crazy Horse and St. Ides and aver red rap,
this is for you.  Comes in a 6 pack of cute little bottles, too. 
So you won't tire your stick arm!  PUKING FACTOR: 5 - MP (note:
they have twist-off caps too!)

Cocqui 900     The devil brew immortalized by Skooly D years ago. 
"...The ultimate homeboy's drink"  I can't begin to tell you how
strong this stuff really is.  Damned in Philly because it was above
the allowable capacity of alcohol content.  I bought some in
Brooklyn a few weeks ago -- $1.19 a 40! - MP 

Sam Adams Winter Lager      Hooray for winter beer!  This means
stronger and more potent alcohol for you enthusiasts!  This is
simply a stronger version of regular Sam Adams.  It should keep you
nice and warm during the cold months.  PUKING FACTOR: 4 - AS

Molson Export Ale     A nice tasting thin ale that is easily
poundable, and not quite as easy to puke up.  For the most part,
most Molson tastes the same.  PUKING FACTOR: 2 - AS

American Beer     Oh my god!  Beer worse than Budweiser? 
Definitely so.  Avoid this, oh god, please avoid this.  (note:
roughtly $6.00 a case if that means anything).  PUKING FACTOR:  70
- AS

Red White and Blue    God, this is horrible.  I remember my
freshman year I would buy this for $1.29 a six.  Has a taste that
can only be described as instantly head-ache inducing.  Once you
get past the taste, the headache really begins.  PUKING FACTOR:  80
- MP

Lord Chesterfield/Old Germany    Both of these are made by
Yuengling, which is hard to believe w/ the other super delicious
brews in their library.  Oh well....It's hard to fault it at $6 a
case.  I lumped them together because they are both the same damn
thing.  Nasty, very nasty, although Lord Chessie is maybe a little
less so.  This stuff can only be found in the Philly/Pittsburgh
area.  Check it out.  PUKING FACTOR: 7 - MP

Ballantines Ale    This is probably my most favorite brew in the
whole world.  Very cheap ($1.50/quart) and damn tasty.  Has a kind
of skanky taste.  I read Michael Jacksons World Guide to Beer and
he said it is one of the GREAT cheap beers of the world.   This
fellow should know, he travels the world sampling brew.  Wish I had
his job.  But to get back to Ballantines Triple X brew, this guy
said it has a rosy, fruity aftertaste.  What a flake! - MP


ASAHI Super Dry     All these Japanese beers have the most unique
taste.  I don't know what they do when they brew this, but it's not
that bad.  However, this unique taste could possibly be confused
with mold, which may distract some.  But hey, you'll never know
till you try.  PUKING FACTOR: 5 - AS

Samuel Smith's WINTER WELCOME     Of all the winter beers, even Sam
Adams' Winter Lager, I'd have to say this beer ranks among the top
3 (out of maybe 10 Winter beers I've had).  Sam Smith beer is
usually strong; thick; and way filling, but this traditional ale is
dark but easy to drink, and will knock you to the ground after 3
bottles (each bottle is 18.7 oz).  Rules to live by: #1 English ale
is the best ale made, #2 NO LIME JUICE! #3 English ale is
expensive.  Expect to pay $3.50 for a bottle of this, and drink it
warm the first time around.  PUKING FACTOR: 8 - AS

Bohemia BEER     This is an extremely delicious beer from Mexico
which I just found out about.  Generally I hate Mexican beers with
their watered down pungent taste (Dos Equis? Yuck) but then comes
along a true contender for my belly.  This is a completely no-
frills beer with a high-quality taste.  A 6-pack will run you about
$6.25 and that should make you happy and warm on these cold winter
nights.  PUKING FACTOR: 4 - AS

Pinkus Weizen Wheat    Good mild tasting beer, toasted wheat taste.

Good hop balance and very grainy tasting.  This is truly an
extremely mild beer compared to others reviewed here.  PUKING
FACTOR: 5 - MR/AS

Labatts 50 Ale    Very fumey.  The fumes hit you hard.  Not very
good at all, like most Canadian beers, it tastes very watery. 
PUKING FACTOR: 3 - MR

Labatts Blue   Pretty good basic drinking beer although it's watery
like most other Canadians.  Tolerable, but weak tasting; nothing
exciting.  PUKING FACTOR: 3 - MR

Watney's Red Barrel   Good english beer, nice malty taste.  Good
hops in the background.  Not too heavy, goes well with most food,
especially potato chips.  PUKING FACTOR: 4 - MR

Chihuaha   Most light Mexican beers taste the same as Corona, the
only thing that makes chihuaha unique is that it's a bit nastier
and more of a puking factor than Corona.  PUKING FACTOR: 7 - MR

Fuller's ESB    Stands for Extra Special Bitters.  Excellent
bitters.  Hits your head very quick but that's okay because it
tastes great.  Very malty, a little bit on the thick side, but in
a nice way.  PUKING FACTOR: 2 - MR

Orangeboom Lager    Totally lame beer.  An over-advertised beer
from Germany.  Totally nasty, not very tolerable.  PUKING FACTOR:
12- MR


Elephant Malt Liquor    Wow, Malt liquor for $6.25 a six?  You
gotta be crazy.  But hey, if you love that malty taste and want
something your something won't get rid of, this is for you.  And
man, you won't BELIEVE how quick this fucks you up.  (a 6-pack
makes a fat man tipsy).  PUKING FACTOR: 7 - AS

Ringnes Ale   This norweigen ale is pretty good so far (I'm
drinking it as I write).  It tastes remarkably yummy at first, and
suddenly starts tasting like those moth discs at the bottom of
men's urinals.  I mean, hey, it's not that bad, and because it was
intentional I guess that's pretty punk, eh?  A sixer is gonna kill
you.  PUKING FACTOR:  9 - AS

Union Premium    Yugoslavia beer.  Great stuff, cheaper than
Budweiser with a Heinekenesque taste.  PUKING FACTOR: 3 - MR

Gilde Pilsner    Excellent cheap German beer.  But it's kind of
fucked up the way that the picture on the side of the cardboard
six-pack carrier pictures people pouring Bitburger into a glass
rather than Gilde Pilsner.  PUKING FACTOR: 6 - MR

McEwans Scotch Ale    Awesome beer but fattening as hell, and
expensive too.  It'll get you hooked at the first sip, and before
you know it, you'll weigh 400 punds and be offering the liquor
store owner head for just one more six pack.  PUKING FACTOR: 4 - MR

Ringnes Export    Tastes just like the ale, yet milder (so it
doesn't taste as much like Burger King urinals than the former). 
It's pretty good, but it again sometime, eh?  - PUKING FACTOR: 6 -
AS/MR

Anchor Liberty Ale Man this shit is delicious, I mean yummy.  It
does take a while to get used to.  I has this certain taste that no
other beer really has.  So, grab a bottle (or on tap in San
Francisco) but be prepared to pay $8.25 a six (at least in the east
coast).  PUKING FACTOR : 5 - AS
 
Troika russian beer   A salty aftertaste that stays on your tongue,
not too pleasant.  Thin in texture, basically crappy beer. PUKING
FACTOR: N/A (can't get more than two in your system) - MO

Red Seal Ale    Reddish brown in color, good hop flavor, and very
bubbly.  Definitely a delicious beer with a cool label.  From
Mendocino, California, check this out if you can find it.  PUKING
FACTOR: N/A (comes in 22 oz bottles) - MO/AS (*Editor's Choice*)

John Courage    Compares well to other beers but I still stand on
the philosophy that English cannot make lagers but their ales are
the best in the world.  Pretty grainy taste, etc, etc, blah blah
blah.  PUKING FACTOR: 5 - MR

Double Diamond    Same as John Courage but maltier.  (See above)

Sam Adams Cream Stout    This is some tasty brew.  I highly
recommend this, especially with a dish of pasta.  PUKING FACTOR: 4
- AS

Sam Adams Triple Bock    This is actually a barleywine, which if
you know anything means that its got a super high alcohol content
and is meant for sipping only.  I can't say its great, but it
definitely has its moments.  It comes in a rad purple bottle and
costs about four bucks.  Not for the timid.  PUKING FACTOR: TOO
HIGH - AS 


BEERS TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS:
(all reviews done collaboratively)


Keystone (light, dry and any other shit)  This shit sucks.

Old Milwaukee  Garbage beer but not as shitty as Keystone

Meister Brau  On level with Keystone (weak as hell)

Molson Light  Better off drinking water with a drop of alcohol

Alpha  Cheap German beer with even a cheaper taste.

King Cobra  Generic malt liquor.  Makes barf or flem look
appetizing.

GPC Beer  Goddamn, I'd rather take bad acid.

Natural Light  Even the Baron De Sade wouldn't wish it on the worst
of his enemies

Piels   Even wino's flatly refuse it.

Mad dog 20/20   It used to be beer, but it was so bad that they
decided to add some artificial flavouring and sulfites.

Killian's Irish Red  It's okay at first but it turns nasty REAL
fast.  Even Dave (shakes the clown) won't touch it.

Golden Anniversary  Otherwise known as Golden Spewaversary.  Will
send your taste buds crying in revolt.

Cisco  What a great story behind this.  This isn't so much beer as
its a liquer.  This used to be available in Oakland as 22 ounce
bottles.  We're talking 22.5% by volume.  This stuff was killing
all the drunks so they now only sell it in 12 oz bottles.  But
still, they're dying anyway.  This is the creme de la creme of all
swill alcohols.  'Nuff said.


beers on tap, sometimes 40.  I drank them all but would risk
carpale-tunnel syndrome if I reviewed them all.  For more reviews
search Usenet and/or Veronica for the keyword "microbrew".

--END--