💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › W0OL › w0ol-007.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 15:25:04.
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-------------------------[ w0ol #7: w0ol, a joke in every issue!@ ]----------
hey, how can you get enough? ok, so im here writing for you, im your
slave, if you were here you could whip me and say "MAKE IT FUNNY!#@@#!"
then id be forced to drop my keyboard, because i know im not funny. hmmmm
blah woo. hmm
--------------[ shut up and say something ]----------------------------------
Daan was a good little boy, like all good little boys he liked things,
Daan liked to play the trumpet, Daan liked to play with his dog, and Daan
liked Haagen Daas. One day while taking a shower Daan got something in
his eye, probably an eyelash, he screamed and jumped out of the shower
and tried to get it out, but he couldnt, only by shifting his eyelid
could he get the pain to go away. Daan finished his shower, ate
breakfast, and went to school. Daan was pretty much OK in 1st period,
English, where he blinked quite a bit, after a while the teacher asked
him in nice tones, "How is your eye?", to this he replied "My eye is ok,
i guess.", she went on, and the bell rang, he darted out into the crowded
hall and to his second period class, Social Studies, nothing much
happened in social studies that day, so he fell asleep, he awoke to the
bell ringing and his teacher saying some homework, he ran to the next
class, Musical Studies, where his eye began to twitch, after 20 minutes
he couldnt hold in the pain anymore, "Teacher, can i go to the nurse, i
have something in my eye.", she Ok'd and wrote him a pass, he ran to the
nurses and stepped inside, in the room were needles, gausse, the works,
when the nurse appeared he told her about his condition and she told him
to lie down, she went into the supply room and got a tweezer, she came
back out and told him, "Im going to bend your eyelid back, ok? it wont
hurt." so he allowed her to, she instantly saw the small object in his
eye and began to carefully take it out, after about 6 minutes he began to
open his mouth, then he began to sniff alot, she told him, "Only a few
more seconds.", but a few more seconds was too long, he sneezed. As his
face lurched forward, his eye met the tweezer with great force, before
the nurse could do anything he was on the floor writhing in pain, the
tweezer deeply embedded in his eye socket. She tried to remove it but he
wouldnt let her, as she began to get at it he kicked her and split, he
ran down the hall, blood dripping from his face, out the door, to the
street. Daan was scared, he started to run and run, finally he crashed
into something, it was a phone pole, he could only do one thing, he
hugged the phone pole. Daan was found later that day, crying and hugging
the phone pole, when they got him to the hospital he was faint from blood
loss, as they wheeled him into his room a doctor came and in started to
spary the ants which were crawling all over his body. They could never
determine if he had died because of the eye wound or his allergic
reaction to fire ants.
---------------------------[ morbid ]-------------------------------------
wowie, no, it sucked. ok, hmm, well, this is w0ol #7 and there is a joke
in this issue, so ill tell you it, uh, a man and a fish are walking
towards a small tissue, which gets there first?
<thinking>
THE MAN YOU FUCKING DEGENERATE@%#$%@^# FISH CANT WALK!&^%#&^%# ARGH!#!
HOW STUPID ARE YOU!@ I CANT BELIEVE YOU THOUGHT A FISH COULD WALK TO A
TISSUE#@! PLUS WHAT WOULD IT DO WITH THE TISSUE@#?!
ok sorry, thats not the joke, the real joke is.... 45C!! M4N, our new hero
.
aaad&{body}amp;b
O . #
Z ` #
- *
&{body}amp;
&${body}amp;
~~|=&& &$&
&$&
&$&
&$ {body}amp;
{body}amp; &$
&$ {body}amp;
db db
who is this lone k-rad figure in the night?! fighting laymurs? who is the
one with the multi-tasking gun? who knows his true identity? why is his
nose a Z? how come hes so un-textured? its ascii man!@ phear him laymurs
everywhere!@ he will eat your feet in your sleep!@
heres the n3ws, ascii man is patrolling w0ol from now on, he has a secret
identity, who will he turn out to be!?#@? we must know!#@!#
-----------------------[ w0w, gimic ]---------------------------------------
yes, very
yrev ,sey
im bored. ok, here we go, lets move on to another amazing orgasm in
space, known as... uh, shit, i have to think of something, THE JAR@#!#
the jar is now where all the w0ols will be stored, uh, welcome to the jar.
------------------------------[ w0w ]----------------------------------------
ok, so now that you are compeltly excited, goodbye.
------------------------[ ugh. YOU SUCK ]-----------------------------------
oh i see? well you know what? i was going to go easy on you, but im not,
<tap> <tap> <tap> you can no longer exit your editor until you read and
comprehend each of the following bad-ascii-lines
----------------------------[ NO!@!#! IM SORRY!#!# PLEASE!#@ ]--------------
haha!# mortal!#
&{body}amp; sssss sssss $
&$__{body}amp; $ssss $ssss $
&$ {body}amp; ssss$ ssss$ o
hmm
$s$s$ $s$s$
s$s$s##############s$s$s
$s$s$ $s$s$
dumbell. k-rad
hmmm, let me think and decide, i know, a flashlight
$%@&$#@&#%@$#@&%$#@#$@#$@%#@#$@#%@
@&$%@{body}amp;@#@&$%@#&@%{body}amp;%@#&@$%&@%
&$#%&@$#@&%$@&#@{body}amp;@{body}amp;%#$%#
%#@{body}amp;#%@$#&%@$#@&$#&$#
@$#%&@$#%&@$#%&@$#
@%$#%&@#$@%&$#
(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
| mag light |
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| .o. |
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| `o' |
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\________/
ok, now that youve been exposed to that, here is something you might not
like, hmmmmmm
.\|/.
`/|\'
ha ha!@ i looked at your butthole and drew it@&^% ha ha ha ha, you have
an ugly butthole!
ok, here we go we are 154 lines into this article and its time, for, a,
stick of gum
.-----.
|~~~~~|
| CKE |
| OCR |
| CU |
| KS |
|_____|
`-----'
good night.
---------------------------+ eDiToR CoMmEnT +----------------------------------
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, cock sucker gum? uhhhhhhhhhhh
---------------------------------+ InDeX +------------------------------------
this is so you can find them:
#1: w0ol comes from sheep! (nettle)
#2: the electric santa (nettle)
#3: gourmet food, gourmet boredom (nettle)
#4: toast some pixie stix in the hour that doesnt exist (nettle)
#5: no comprende? (nettle)
#6: the annual collage issue (nettle)
#7: w0ol, a joke in every issue!@
wow
-------------------------------+ people of w0ol +------------------------------
nettle
(thats all right now.. so write sumfin!#)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ email addresses _~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nettle:
nettle@novasys.com
nettle@nevermind.lag.novasys.com
nettle@nexxus.novasys.com
thats it..