💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › UXU › uxu-408.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 15:12:35.
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ Pills ] [ By The GNN ]
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Even though all technology needed is available, modern science has yet not
been able to reduce 'emotions' to physical states in the brain with the
clarity and precision needed for proving their objective existence. Due to
this, we have no clear definition of the phenomenon 'emotions' and ought
therefore (in accordance with the scientific method) conclude that they do
not exist. This conclusion, however, does not entail a demand for apathy.
Thanks to the latest research by the pioneer of medical chemistry at the
uXu lab, we are proud to present to you the final solution:
< P I L L S >
invented and abused by
The GNN, M.D.
university of Dual Crew-Shining and uXu
<The Aware Pill> Put this wonderful piece of chemistry into your
body and you will soon fully grasp the Cartesian meaning of cogito
ergo sum. Yes, forget the hard work of filling your tabula rasa
with meaningless experiences just for the sake of understanding the
notion of 'I'. This pill will get you down to business of seeing
yourself as a separate part of the world.
<The Love Pill> For economical and social purposes it is often
necessary to engage in certain interpersonal relations of the
monogamous form. With the help of this wonderful drug, you need
not waste expensive time tracking down that particular person your
selfish genes finds acceptable as a reproduction partner. Consume
the Love Pill with a friend, and all your problems on this matter
will be solved.
<The Sex Pill> What can be more revolting than using the sewer
system of your body for gruesome physical activity with your
equally filthy partner? (Rhetorical question, no answer expected.)
Nothing. But with together with this pill, you will actually
experience this dirty activity as 'wonderful' - believe it or not!
<The Anti-Love Pill> For economical and social purposes it is often
necessary to stall certain interpersonal relations of the monogamous
form. Forget anxiety, depression and the seemingly endless fights
through the night. With this pill, you and the devil reincarnated
you have married can break up without actually speaking to each
other.
<The Work Pill> The industrial revolution left mankind with quite
a bunch of tiresome, barbarous, pointless and generally quite boring
occupations. But now! Forget self-deception! Forget alienation! Just
eat this little product, and work will never be the same again. In
no time, empty sentences like 'I love my job', 'I have great
workmates' and 'I really feel that I am doing something important'
will flood out of your mouth whenever someone dares to question your
socially accepted waste of life.
<The Creativity Pill> This magic portion will give you all the
inspiration you need to create works of art. Forget sleepless nights
trying to come up with a good short story, screenplay, novel, tune,
symphony, painting, poem, whatever. Just consume this little
medication and experience how knowledge, wit and inspiration crashes
into your empty mind. This is probably the most popular pill of them
all, believe me. I am on it right now.
<The Fun Pill> Sometimes, we all need to let loose of our primitive
feelings down at some bar or discotheque. Unfortunately, this is
virtually impossible due to our inability to clearly define what
this thing called 'fun' is. But with this you-know-what, it is not
impossible anymore! (Please note: this pill was formerly known as
d-lysergic acid N,N-diethyl amide; United States Patent Office,
no. 2,736,728; patented February 1956; patent owned by The Albert
Hoffman Foundation.)
<The Final Pill> For economical, social and genetical purposes it
is sooner or later necessary to put an end to all of your problems.
Get ready for the final ride! Throw this little thing down your
throat, wait a couple of minutes, and suddenly - like magic - it is
all over!
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uXu #408 Underground eXperts United 1997 uXu #408
remember to brush your teeth
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