💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › UXU › uxu-176.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 15:04:45.
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ Operation Moon Sucker ] [ By The GNN ]
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"OPERATION MOON SUCKER"
by THE GNN/DualCrew-Shining/uXu
"fuck you mister fuck your sister fuck your mother fuck your brother
fuck your pop hey I am a cop! yes I can hey I am the Man!"
(Thomas Pynchon, "Vineland")
SECTION A. WHAT THE FxxK IS ACTUALLY GOING ON?
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Guilty: Dane Carson.
Possible alias: 'Phraudmaster' (computer), 'Sweetheart' (mother),
'Lazy-son-of-a-bitch' (father) and 'Jerk!' (brother).
Crime: No idea. That is why we must raid his house to find out.
In charge: Detective Kickass.
Name of operation: Operation Moon Sucker! (Yeah!)
SECTION B. CRIME-RELATED ITEMS FOUND AT THE HOME OF PHRAUDMASTER.
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ITEM 1: A T-shirt with the text "My parents went to Stockholm and all I
got was this lousy T-Shirt".
After a close look we found the t-shirt to be made out of 95% cotton and
5% polyester. As we all know, cotton can be nitrated and Phraudmaster will
be charged for illegal possession of explosives. Phraudmaster claims that
polyester was invented many years ago, but we will send it to the lab to
find out what it REALLY is.
LAB REPORT ITEM 1: We have discovered that polyester (A2D4D2D5A4) can
be manipulated. If the substance F5G4h?h"23"k3 is
mixed with Y3 and U7 and U( together with YOHO222
polyester will (probably) turn into LSD.
Phraudmaster must therefor be charged for illegal
possession of drugs.
ITEM 2: Three magazines called "Adventures with your Commodore Amiga".
Some articles in the magazine was about using a modulator/demodulator.
It is common sense to know that everybody who got a modulator/demodulator
are hackers. Therefor, Phraudmaster will be charged for hacking. To find
out more about these magazines we will send them to the lab.
LAB REPORT ITEM 2: If you take the first letter from the first word,
the first word from the third word and the third
letter from the last word you will get 'ACI'.
Take the 'A' and place it after the 'I' and you
will get 'CIA'.
Phraudmaster must be charged for espionage.
ITEM 3: A telephone.
Phraudmaster claims that he used the phone to call his friends. Ha ha.
Of course, Phraudmaster uses the phone for fraud, what else should he use
it for? It will be send down to the lab immediately.
LAB REPORT ITEM 3: There was a note on the back of the phone:
'5255463251223'.
We believe this to be the serial number. We have
checked this number with all stores over the world,
but no one can answer if they have really sold this
phone. Therefor, the phone must be stolen.
Charge Phraudmaster for theft.
ITEM 4: Twenty issues of HUSTLER.
There must be something strange with these magazines. We will place them
in the sleeping room down at the police station and let all officers of the
law have a chance to find out what it can be.
LAB REPORT ITEM 4: Yes, there is absolutely something weird here. We
feel forced to keep half of the magazines for another
week to find out what it can be.
LAB REPORT ITEM 4: (extra comment): We have used a common ruler to
measure the height of the girls in the magazine.
We found out that (even if the girls looked like
adults) they were only 10-35 centimeters high. This
means that the girls must be children.
Charge Phraudmaster for child abuse.
ITEM 5: Russian-American, American-Russian dictionary.
Well, well... Phraudmaster claims that he studies a lot of languages at
school for his education. That is not OUR opinion. Phraudmaster must be a
former member of KGB.
LAB REPORT ITEM 5: We have examined all of the words in the dictionary.
Yes, the words 'espionage', 'hacking', 'fraud',
'murder', 'killing', 'poison', 'explosives',
'blasphemy' and 'sex' are available for translation.
This is outrageous.
ITEM 6: Dust (found under the bed).
While Detective Kickass was crawling under the bed, he got a lot of dust
in his nose. He immediately begun to sneeze. When he got up he felt very
dizzy. We suspect the dust to be mixed with cocaine.
LAB REPORT ITEM 6: Yes, it is cocaine. Down here at the lab, we have
been addicted to cocaine for seven years now which
means that we are so used to it that we do not get
any more kicks out of it. When we had injected this
'dust' into our blood veins we felt nothing.
Therefor, it MUST be cocaine.
ITEM 7: A note saying 'Dane, Bill wanted you to call him'.
The note was written by Phraudmaster's mother. She has now been
arrested. After a while, she told us that 'Bill' was a friend
Phraudmaster. We immediately arrested him.
LAB REPORT ITEM 7: Both Bill and Dane's mothers are drug abusers. They
smoke 10-20 'Marlboro Red' every day.
Give 'em thirty years boys!
ITEM 8: A War-Dialer.
We found something that we believe to be a War-Dialer. A War-Dialer is a
little device that makes it possible to check a lot of telephone numbers.
It is a common device in the hacking-business.
LAB REPORT ITEM 8: Yes, this is a analog war-dialer. When using it,
Phraudmaster just had to flip the pages to the
name he wanted to call. The dialer is labeled
'Southern N.Y Telephone Directory Book'.
SECTION C. THE COOL RESULT!
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FROM: Detective Kickass NYPD (we are not playing computer cops)
TO: Steff Crownbranch (I am the BOSS so FUCK YOU)
SUBJECT: Operation Moon Sucker.
Another true success! We have charged Dane Carson for hacking,
espionage, illegal possession of explosives and drugs, child abuse and
theft. Since this Phraudmaster guy is over fifteen years of age, we have
already sent him to the magic electric chair, a sentence that we all
happily agreed to down at the police station last saturday during the
annual Wine'n Booze Police-Party.
Yours, Kickass.
(everyone is guilty)
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Who is this John Galt guy?
Give me the answer: THE STASH +46-13-ohyesyouhavetoreadtheindex
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In the desert I can play.
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uXu #176 Underground eXperts United 1994 uXu #176
Call CLU 'PUTERNET -> +1-515-232-7631
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