💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › UXU › uxu-161.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 15:04:15.
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ An Amazing Christmas Tale ] [ By The GNN ]
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"AN AMAZING CHRISTMAS TALE"
by THE GNN/DualCrew-Shining/uXu
(No, it is 'A amazing tale')
(Fuck you, it is 'AN amazing tale')
SUCKER! HA HA HAAA!
It was Christmas evening. Pete was desperately trying to find his dads
cars keys, which was obviously hidden somewhere in the house. His dad
hated him for borrowing the car without asking. Pete had looked everywhere
and now he had even crawled under his parents bed to look. The keys were
not there. A lot of dust entered his already cocaine-stuffed nose.
- Shit!
He slammed the door to his parents bedroom shut and went downstairs. His
mother stood by this years most distastefully decorated Christmas tree in
the kitchen and looked depressed. She had a cigarette in her mouth and
tried hard to light it with a blow torch, the only gift she had received
during the evening (except for the pornographic video 'Black Butt Busters'
("You need education my dear"))
- Where is dad? Pete asked and looked around in paranoia.
- Here, his mother answered without a sign of feelings.
- Here? I cannot see him? Is he in the living room? I guess I will
have to go there and...
His mother pointed at the tree.
- He is there.
- In the tree?!
Pete wondered for a short moment if his mother had stolen some of his
magic mushrooms.
- No, under it.
She was right. His father lay under the tree, puking and coughing, a
result after too much champagne and cigars.
Pete bent down.
- Eh... dad?
- Grumble... hick... cough.
- Dad, where are the car keys?
- A thief! Hick! My car! A thief! Die!
His father quickly stumbled to his feet and ran to the living room, where
he grabbed a unopened gift. He quickly teared the package apart and
grabbed the shotgun that was inside it. ("I bought it for personal
defense").
- Dad! Wait! It is me!
- Thief! My car! Intruder! Die!
Pete froze when his father aimed the gun at him. It was not everyday he
stared into the barrel of a twelve gauge. Well, it happened now and then,
but Pete had really excluded Christmas eve as a night for violence.
Especially from his father.
- Dad! It is me! You son!
- Who cares? Merry Christmas and a happy new year!
Pete's father pulled the trigger. Brain, blood and various other bodily
objects spread all over the kitchen.
- You have just shot your son, said Pete's mother.
- Urp... well, you wanted him to move to another place. Now he can move
to heaven and spend the rest of Christmas with Jesus. They can dance
around... hick... the tree. Pete, Jesus and God. He will have more fun
than we will ever have down here.
- I am so glad. You are a genius.
Pete's mother sounded quite ironic. They looked at each other with
neutral faces. Pete's father placed the shot gun on the Christmas table
and looked at his dead son.
- I am so sorry... please forgive me.
He kneeled in front of Pete's mother.
- Please forgive me... what have I done? Blood everywhere! This is
horrible, I have ruined your three days of cleaning!
- Oh, that is nothing to worry about. Come on, give me a hug and we will
forget all about it.
She grabbed Pete's father and pulled him up. She laid her arms around
him. A loud shot was heard. BOOM.
- What the...
Pete's father fell to the floor and landed on top of Pete. Blood squirted
from the stomach.
- Urgel... hick...
- Goddamn! You stupid piece of man! Why do you carry your revolver in a
shoulder holster on Christmas eve?
- Cough... personal defense...